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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #1816
    CR55's Avatar
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    That's funny!..especially Dorothy!!!.CR
    I thought I knew a lot, until I had teenagers!

  2. #1817
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    The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.

    The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959.

    Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1979.

    Generation Y are people born between 1980 and now.

    Why do we call the last one generation Y?
    I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!! :-)
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    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  3. #1818
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    Quote Originally Posted by glennsexton View Post
    Oh lighten up-- Current events are a joke!!
    My point, to the point...
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  4. #1819
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    HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THE TWO DUCK HUNTERS FROM WISCONSIN?
    ABSOLUTELY A TRUE STORY HEARD ON A WISCONSIN RADIO STATION REPORTING ON
    THE INCIDENT.

    A guy buys a new Lincoln Navigator for $42,500.00 (with monthly
    payments of $860.00).

    He and a friend go duck hunting in upper Wisconsin. It's
    mid-winter; and of course all of the lakes are frozen.
    These two guys go out on the ice with their GUNS, a DOG, and, of course,
    the new NAVIGATOR.

    They decide they want to make a natural looking open water for the ducks
    to focus on, something for the decoys to float in.

    Now making a hole in the ice large enough to invite a passing duck, is
    going to take a little more power than the average drill auger can
    produce. So, out of the back of the new Navigator comes a stick of
    dynamite with a short 40 second-fuse.

    Now our two Rocket Scientists, afraid they might slip on the ice while
    trying to run away after lighting the fuse (and becoming toast, along
    with
    the Navigator), decide on the following course of action:

    They light the 40 second fuse; then, with a mighty thrust, they throw
    the stick of dynamite as far away as possible.
    Remember a couple of paragraphs back when I mentioned the NAVIGATOR, the
    GUNS, and the DOG...?

    Let's talk about the dog: A highly trained
    Black Lab used for RETRIEVING. Especially things thrown by the owner.

    You guessed it: The dog takes off across the ice at a high rate of speed
    and grabs the stick of dynamite, with the burning 40-second fuse, just
    as it hits the ice.

    The two men swallow, blink, start waving their arms and, with veins in
    their necks swelling to resemble stalks of rhubarb, scream and holler at
    the dog to stop.

    The dog, now apparently cheered on by his Master, keeps coming.

    One hunter panics, grabs the shotgun and shoots the dog. The shotgun is
    loaded with #8 birdshot, hardly big enough to stop a Black Lab. The dog
    stops for a moment, slightly confused, and then continues on. Another shot,
    and this time the dog, still standing, becomes really confused and of
    course terrified, thinks these two geniuses have gone insane.

    The dog takes off to find cover, UNDER the brand new Navigator

    The men continue to scream as they run.

    The red-hot exhaust pipe on the truck touches the dog's rear end; he
    yelps, drops the dynamite under the truck and takes off after his
    master.

    Then " "" "" "" "" BOOOOOOOOOOOOM "" "" "" "" ! ! !

    The truck is destroyed and sinks to the bottom of the lake, leaving the
    two idiots standing there with "I can't believe this just happened"
    looks on their faces.

    The insurance company says that sinking a vehicle in a lake by Illegal
    use of explosives is NOT COVERED by the policy. And he still had yet to
    make the first of those $860.00 a month payments.

    The dog is okay . . .doing fine.

    And you thought Rednecks only live in the South...

  5. #1820
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    Wow!.. They're not rednecks, just STUPID! Glad the dog made out OK!..CR
    I thought I knew a lot, until I had teenagers!

  6. #1821
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    In order to get the joke - you have to understand the Newfie language



    Paddy and Mick worked together in St. John's and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.

    When asked his occupation, Paddy answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto ladies cotton panties and thongs."

    The clerk looked up panty stitcher on his computer and finding it classified as unskilled labor, he gave him $80 a week unemployment pay.

    Mick was next and when asked his occupation replied, "Diesel fitter."

    Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Mick $160 a week..

    When Paddy found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.

    The clerk explained, "Panty Stitchers are unskilled and Diesel Fitters are skilled labor."

    "What skill?" yelled Paddy. "I sew the elastic on the panties and the thongs. Mick puts them over his head and says: "Yep, diesel fitter!"
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  7. #1822
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    PSYCHOPATH TEST

    Read this question, come up with an answer and then scroll down to the bottom for the result. This is not a trick question. It is just as it reads. No one I know has gotten it right. Few people do.

    A woman, while at the funeral of her own mother, met a guy whom she did not know. She thought this guy was amazing. She believed him to be her dream guy so much that she fell in love with him right there, but never asked for his number and could not find him.

    A few days later she killed her sister..

    Question: What is her motive for killing her sister?[Give this some thought before you answer.........see answer below]

















    Answer:

    She was hoping the guy would appear at the funeral again. If you answered this correctly, you think like a psychopath. This was a test by a famous American psychologist used to determine if one has the same mentality as a killer. Many arrested serial killers took part in the test and answered the question correctly. If you didn't answer the question correctly, good for you...


    If you got the answer correct, please let me know so I can take your crazy ass off my e-mail list!
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  8. #1823
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    Old indian name

     



    Her name is: Five Horses

    This is mythical and deep... Truly beautiful...


    A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name.

    He replied, "She called Five Horses".

    The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife.
    What does it mean?"

    The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean .. . .





    . . . NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

  9. #1824
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    The meaning of nick names change....

     



    When a 17 yr old gets the nick name of "speedy" gets for be 67 yrs old means something entirely different.

  10. #1825
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A duck hunter was out on the marsh when he decided to take a leak.

    He walked over to a tree and propped up his gun.

    Just then a gust of wind blew, the gun fell over, shooting him in the genitals.

    Several hours later, he woke up on a hospital bed. His doctor said,"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be OK. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot."

    "What's the bad news?" asked the hunter.

    "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister."

    "Well I guess that isn't too bad," the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?"

    "Not exactly," answered the doctor.



    "She's a flute player. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye."

  11. #1826
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    Its that time of the year again!!


    The Last Nickel

    A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.

    A well dressed, attractive and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.

    Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds she yanks them vigorously and the boy convulses violently then coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word.

    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before; it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"

    "No," the woman replied. "I'm with the IRS."
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  12. #1827
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    Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender.
    The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." The
    robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's
    your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about
    physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but
    he is curious... So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender
    says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot
    makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?"
    The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about NASCAR,
    Budweiser and John Deere tractors.


    The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks
    he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot
    says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot
    brings him another great martini.
    The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 60."
    The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you
    voted for Obama?"
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  13. #1828
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    Oh My Goodness - now I don't care where you're from - that's funny (and my IQ is 165+)...
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  14. #1829
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    Larry M
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  15. #1830
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    New supermarket

     



    A new Publix Supermarket opened in Morristown, TN. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the distant sound of thunder and the smell of fresh rain.

    When you pass the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh cut hay.

    In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks and brats.

    In the liquor department, the fresh, clean, crisp smell of tapped Miller Lite.

    When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.

    The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.

    I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

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