Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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gotta laugh,but how true...

Resto - they forgot the Korean and Chinese

A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and
sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must
be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and
asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
"Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the
money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the
three tests?"
"You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10
which he stuffs into the jar.
"Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or
less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
"Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You
have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.."
"Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You
have to take care of that problem."
The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I
won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then
do all those other things!"
"Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says,
"Where's the damn tequila?!" He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he
drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained
to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling,
screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back
into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from
bites and gashes all over his body.
He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

THE DIFFERENCE WHEN YOU MARRY A MICHIGAN GIRL

The first man married a woman from North Carolina. He told her that
she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of
days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes
washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife
orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was
better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were
done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Michigan. He ordered her to keep the
house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot
meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see
anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,
some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of
his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a
sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees.

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5... You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this..

I found out that I was an idiot too and I needed company...

I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.

Well, in my book, this one should get the prize.....


I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend. He
E-mailed back: "If light stay onfor more than 4 hours, call your erectrician."

This guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any one..

He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
With age comes wisdom...

I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING YESTERDAY.
I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT
UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE
BACK SEAT.

I wanted to get a personalized plate for my coupe. It was so expensive I just changed my name to 1az 614

Harry’s wife was giving her annual exhortation on the Lenten regulations. Harry looked up from his newspaper and subtly inquired, What about all the people who are in Hell because they ate meat on Friday?” His wife replied, “Well when you get there you’ll find out!”

Richard

Harry says: "Get even with your Kids Live long enough to be a problem for them!"

Richard

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT: the little girl who said, "If George Washington was such an honest man, why do they close all the banks on his birthday?"

Richard

A man went to Florida for his health, but unfortunately, died there.
His body was shipped back to New York, and as the widow was viewing the remains at the funeral parlor, a friend remarked, "Doesn't he look wonderful?" "Yes, replied the widow. "I think those two weeks in Florida did him a world of good."

Richard

What to do on an airplane when you find yourself seated next to a real jerk:

1. Take out your laptop.
2. Slowly open your laptop.
3. Turn it on.
4. Make certain your neighbor is watching.
5. Open your internet browser.
6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open them and then look up to the sky, or the heavens if you will.
7. Breathe deeply and open the site

(http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html)
8. Look at the expression on your neighbor's face