Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2675Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 112 of 226 FirstFirst ... 12 62 102 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 122 162 212 ... LastLast
Results 1,666 to 1,680 of 3376
  1. #1666
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,193

    Nancy Pelosi had the honor of introducing the Pope to a huge audience of faithful Catholics and her constituents at large. Her gestures and waiving were animated but her reception was lukewarm, however, when she mentioned the Pope by name, the crowd cheered wildly. As they cheered, the Pope leaned close to Ms. Pelosi and spoke softly so that only she could hear and said, "Did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

    Pelosi seriously doubts this, and says, "One little wave of your hand, and all people will rejoice forever?? Show me", she said.

    So the Pope slapped her
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  2. #1667
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    I have come to realize after thirty-one years of marriage the type of sex my wife enjoys the most....

    DOGGIE STYLE!

    I sit up and beg...

    And she rolls over and plays dead...

  3. #1668
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    A LOVE STORY (break out the tissues)





    This 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.

    When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?"

    She replied, "A can of peaches."
    The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
    The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can.
    She replied 6.
    The judge then said, "I will then give you 6 days in jail."
    Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
    The judge said, "What is it?"
    The husband said, "She also stole a can of peas."

  4. #1669
    IC2
    IC2 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    UPSTATE New York
    Posts
    4,336

    Redneck fire alarm:
    Attached Images
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  5. #1670
    61bone's Avatar
    61bone is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    sioux falls
    Car Year, Make, Model: 27t coupe. Coming soon 32 Pontiac RPU
    Posts
    291

    Got stopped this morning. Policeman walks up and asks if I know why he stopped me. I said I assumed he wanted to sell me some tickets to the Policemans ball. He replied " The police have no balls I'm aware of", then for some reason he just got in his car and left.
    theres no foo like an old foo

  6. #1671
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    How Blonde Is She???

    She was Soooooooo Blonde ...
    * She thought a quarterback was a refund.
    * She thought General Motors was in the army.
    * She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
    * She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
    * At the bottom of an application where it says ' Sign here: ' she wrote ' Sagittarius. '


    She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde ...
    * She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
    * She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
    * Under ' education ' on her job application, she put ' Hooked On Phonics'

    She was Sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
    * She tripped over a cordless phone.
    * She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said 'Concentrate' .
    * She told me to meet her at the corner of ' WALK ' and ' DON ' T WALK ...'
    * She tried to put M&M ' s in alphabetical order.

    She was Soooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
    * She studied for a blood test.
    * She sold the car for gas money.
    * When she had to count to 12 she took her bra off.
    * When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, ' Airport Left, ' she turned around and went home.

    She Was Sooooooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...
    * When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
    * She thought if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
    * She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
    * She had a shirt that said ' TGIF, ' which she thought stood for ' This Goes In Front'.





    AND MY PERSONAL FAVORITE:

    She is sooooooooooooooooo Blonde ...

    She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company

  7. #1672
    Larry M's Avatar
    Larry M is offline Senior Club Hot Rod Member Lifetime Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Shelton
    Car Year, Make, Model: '23 Tall "T" Coupe 400 SBC
    Posts
    4,614

    The New GM (Government Motors) Proudly Introduces The 2010 Obama

    This car runs on hot air and broken promises. It has three wheels that speed the vehicle through tight left turns. It comes complete with two TelePrompters programmed to help the occupants talk their way out of any violations. The “transparent” canopy reveals the plastic smiles still on the faces of all the "happy" owners.
    Comes in S, M, L, XL and 2XL. It won't get you to work, but not a problem, there aren't any jobs anyway!
    Attached Images
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  8. #1673
    Jack F's Avatar
    Jack F is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Caldwell
    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 ford 3 window/461 pontiac
    Posts
    903

    The real reason Chicago lost the Olympics

     



    Is there any wonder.

    Jack.
    Attached Images

  9. #1674
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION
    ASKING FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME

    WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE,

    AND THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:



    1... My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

    Marrying you has screwed up my life.


    2.. I see your face when I am dreaming.

    That's why I always wake up screaming.


    3.. Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

    This describes everything you are not.


    4.. Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss,

    But I only slept with you 'cause I was pissed.


    5.. I thought that I could love no other

    -- that is until I met your brother.


    6.. Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
    But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's

    empty and so is your head.


    7.. I want to feel your sweet embrace;

    But don't take that paper bag off your face.


    8.. I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

    Damn, I'm good at telling lies!


    9.. My love, you take my breath away.

    What have you stepped in to smell this way?


    10. My feelings for you no words can tell,

    Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'


    11. What inspired this amorous rhyme?

    Two parts vodka, one part lime.


    WHO SAID POETRY IS BORING

  10. #1675
    IC2
    IC2 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    UPSTATE New York
    Posts
    4,336

    Resto - I often show my wife these little ditties - this one - not a chance
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  11. #1676
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Wise move.

  12. #1677
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    A teacher in a Detroit, Michigan Kindergarten class asked her students if they could tell the class what sound a pig makes...

    Little Tyrone stood up and said:

    " Up against the wall,
    mother f**ker!"

    I'm guessing there are not too many farms in Detroit ?!!!

  13. #1678
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Last edited by RestoRod; 10-29-2009 at 09:11 PM. Reason: Picture didn't show

  14. #1679
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    A man owned a small farm in Southern Saskatchewan .

    The Saskatchewan Wage & Hours Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.

    "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them", demanded the Agent.

    "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400.00 a week plus free room and board.

    The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $300.00 per week plus free room and board.

    There's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here.

    He makes about $10.00 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bourbon every Saturday night.

    He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."

    "That's the guy I want to talk to.....the half-wit", says the Agent.

    "That would be me", replied the farmer.

  15. #1680
    Itoldyouso's Avatar
    Itoldyouso is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    fort myers
    Car Year, Make, Model: '27 ford/'39 dodge/ '23 t
    Posts
    11,036

    A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

    The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. < br>
    When she opens the door, there stands David, the next-door neighbor.

    Before she says a word, David says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

    After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of David.. After a few seconds, David hands her $800 and leaves.

    The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

    When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was that?'

    'It was David, the next door neighbor,' she replies.

    'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink