Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well...I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, single malt scotch, and martinis into urine.


Harold should be an inspiration to all of us.

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!

"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replied, "You just happened to catch my eye."

I didn't see that one coming.....

Fitzwilly, you ain't right!!!...CR

An Army N.C.O. was about to start the morning-briefing to all
of his staff. While waiting for the coffee-machine to finish its
brewing, the N.C.O. decided to pose a question to all assembled. He
explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, and
therefore he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.

He posed the question of just how much concerning the act of sex was
'work', and how much of it was pure 'pleasure'?

A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favor of 'work'.

A Lieutenant said it was probably about 50-50%.

A Warrant-Officer responded with a 25-75% in favor of 'pleasure',
depending upon his state of inebriation at the time.

There being no consensus, the N.C.O. turned to the private who
was in charge of making the coffee. What was his opinion ?

Without any hesitation, the young private responded, "Sir, it has to be
100% pleasure, Sir."

The N..C.O. was a little surprised and, as you might guess, said "And
why is that, soldier" ?

"Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me
doing it for them, Sir".

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FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment
and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?' The wife said, 'I don't know,
some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
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SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on
the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the
mirror and says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.' The second blonde
says, 'Here, let me see!' So the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second one looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
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THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her,
so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him
in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is really angry.
She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so,
she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
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FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, and ask me, I know all of them.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy: W.'
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FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
'Is it mine?'
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SIXTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house
ransacked and burglarized.
She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime.
The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog,
then sat down on the steps.
Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen.
I call the police for help, and what do they do?
They send me a BLIND policeman.'
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Must see remakes of some of the great classics!

Thought this was a joke page, not current events....

Oh lighten up-- Current events are a joke!!

I laughed so hard tears were running down my cheeks, wait a minute, I think they're real tears.

.....and speaking of current events - here is a high level jokster:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQeNikp1Rj8

Bill is in Haiti,let the fun begin!

That's funny!..especially Dorothy!!!.CR

The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.

The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959.

Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1979.

Generation Y are people born between 1980 and now.

Why do we call the last one generation Y?
I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today!! :-)

Originally Posted by glennsexton

Oh lighten up-- Current events are a joke!!

My point, to the point...