Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2675Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 116 of 226 FirstFirst ... 16 66 106 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 126 166 216 ... LastLast
Results 1,726 to 1,740 of 3376
  1. #1726
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Wrong House

     



    Wrong House
    Attached Images
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  2. #1727
    barnsey's Avatar
    barnsey is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    central west new south wales
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 vauxhall
    Posts
    270

    found a game you can play online, tiger woods being chassed by his wife, wasnt sure where to post this so i posted it here, it is an instant play game.
    http://www.break.com/games/tiger-woods-wife-outrun.html
    cheers barnsey

  3. #1728
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Just when we were afraid science couldn't keep up

     



    "THE PATRIOT MICRO CHIP" is intended to be implanted in Terrorists.The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead.When properly installed, it will allow the implantee to speak to God.

    The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled technician.

    The implant may or may not be painless.Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.
    Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site..

    It comes in various sizes:

    Attached Images
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  4. #1729
    61bone's Avatar
    61bone is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    sioux falls
    Car Year, Make, Model: 27t coupe. Coming soon 32 Pontiac RPU
    Posts
    291

    Stopped at the local Autozone today for a part for an ot car. Went through the usual make, model, year and when he got to engine , I told him it was a 2.0. He got a puzzled look, clacked on his computer a bit then asked me if it was the 4 cylinder v6.
    I went to Napa.
    theres no foo like an old foo

  5. #1730
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
    Posts
    9,517

    Quote Originally Posted by 61bone View Post
    Stopped at the local Autozone today for a part for an ot car. Went through the usual make, model, year and when he got to engine , I told him it was a 2.0. He got a puzzled look, clacked on his computer a bit then asked me if it was the 4 cylinder v6.
    I went to Napa.
    Thought this was a joke page - my recent experience it's likely the gospel truth!!
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  6. #1731
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    American Medical Association researchers have found that patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood.

    It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better.

    Just thought you'd like to know.

    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  7. #1732
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    It just isn't Christmas without the tree!

     



    Redneck Christmas Tree
    Attached Images
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  8. #1733
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,193

    For those of you, who have never had the pleasure of owning a British car, but want to know what it's like: Next big rainstorm, wait till dark, roll down all windows, leave off lights & heater & wipers and go for a drive. Stop at every intersection and throw out a twenty dollar bill. It's not exactly the same, but its real close.

    A man was driving down a country road in the middle of dairy farm country when his car stalled inexplicably. He got out and raised the hood to see if he could find out what had happened. A brown and white cow slowly lumbered from the field she had been grazing in over to the car and stuck her head under the hood beside the man. After a moment the cow looked at the man and said, "Looks like a bad carburetor to me." Then she walked back into the field and began grazing again. Amazed, the man walked back to the farmhouse he had just passed, where he met a farmer. "Hey, mister, is that your cow in the field?" he asked. The farmer replied, "The brown and white one? Yep, that's old Bessie." The man then said, "Well my car's broken down, and she just said, 'Looks like a bad carburetor to me.'" The farmer shook his head and said, "Don't mind old Bessie, son. She doesn’t know a thing about cars."

    Five surgeons are taking a coffee break...
    1st surgeon: "Accountants are the best to operate on because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
    2nd surgeon: "Nah, librarians are the best. Everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
    3rd surgeon: "Try electricians! Everything inside THEM is color coded."
    4th surgeon: "I prefer lawyers. They're heartless, spineless, gutless and their heads and their butts are interchangeable."
    5th surgeon who has been quietly listening to the conversation: "I like British car restorers... they always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end."

    If Microsoft Built Cars
    1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
    4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but would only run on 5 percent of the roads.
    6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
    7. The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
    8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
    9. The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
    10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  9. #1734
    Larry M's Avatar
    Larry M is offline Senior Club Hot Rod Member Lifetime Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Shelton
    Car Year, Make, Model: '23 Tall "T" Coupe 400 SBC
    Posts
    4,614

    2 Brazilian Soldiers

     



    2 Brazilian Soldiers

    The Dept of Defense
    briefed the president this morning.

    They told President
    Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq.

    To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face.

    Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

    Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?'

    This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  10. #1735
    mooneye777's Avatar
    mooneye777 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    dayton
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 ford anglia
    Posts
    978

    Been a while since ive walked these halls, heres a joke for ya, sorry if it is a repost. It is called PHOTO ON THE NIGHTSTAND


    A man has met a new woman, though only together a few days, he thinks this has to be the love of his life

    After a long night of making love, he notices a photo of another man on her nightstand by the bed.

    He begins to worry... "Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

    "No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

    "Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

    "No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

    "Is it your dad or your brother?" he asks, hoping to be reassured.

    "No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!" she answers.

    "Well, then who in the hell is he?" he demands.


    "That's me ... before the surgery."


    Live everyday like it were your last, someday it will be.

  11. #1736
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Ambidextrous Golfer


    A group of guys lived and died for their Saturday morning round of golf. One transferred to another city. It wasn't the same without him.

    A new woman joined their Club. She overheard the guys talking about their golf round. She said, "You know, I used to play on my golf team in college and I was pretty good. Would you mind if I joined you next week?"

    The three guys looked at each other. Not one of them wanted to say 'yes', but she had them on the spot. Finally, one man said it would be okay, but they would be starting early -- at 6:30 a.m.

    He figured the early tee-time would discourage her. The woman said this may be a problem, and asked if she could be up to 15 minutes late. They rolled their eyes, but said okay. She smiled and said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

    She showed up at 6:30 sharp, and beat all three of them with an eye-opening 2-under par round. She was fun and a pleasant person, and the guys were impressed. Back at the clubhouse, they congratulated her and invited her back the next week. She smiled, and said, "I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45."

    The next week she again showed up at 6:30 sharp. Only this time, she played left-handed. The three guys were incredulous as she still beat them with an even par round, despite playing with her off-hand. They were totally amazed.

    They couldn't figure her out. She was again very pleasant and didn't seem to be purposely showing them up.. They invited her back again, but each man harbored a burning desire to beat her.

    The third week, the guys had their game faces on. But this time, she was 15 minutes late, which made the guys irritable. This week the lady played right-handed, and narrowly beat all three of them.

    The men mused that her late arrival was due to petty gamesmanship on her part. However, she was so gracious and so complimentary of their strong play, they couldn't hold a grudge.

    Back in the clubhouse, all three guys were shaking their heads. This woman was a riddle no one could figure out. They had a couple of beers, and finally, one of the men asked her point blank, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?"

    The lady blushed, and grinned. "That's easy," she said. "When my Dad taught me to play golf, I learned I was ambidextrous. I like to switch back and forth. When I got married after college, I discovered my husband always sleeps in the nude. From then on, I developed a silly habit. Right before I left in the morning for golf practice, I would pull the covers off him. If his you-know-what was pointing to the right, I golfed right-handed; if it was pointed to the left, I golfed left-handed."

    The guys on the team thought this was hysterical.. Astonished at this bizarre information, one of the guys shot back, "But what if it's pointing straight up?"


    Smiling, she said, "Then, I'm fifteen minutes late."

    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  12. #1737
    Larry M's Avatar
    Larry M is offline Senior Club Hot Rod Member Lifetime Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Shelton
    Car Year, Make, Model: '23 Tall "T" Coupe 400 SBC
    Posts
    4,614

    The hillbilly vasectomy

     



    After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.

    So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.

    The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. 'A less costly alternative,' said the doctor, 'is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in hillbilly country) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10.'

    The hillbilly said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.'

    'Trust me,' said the doctor.

    So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count!
    '1'
    '2'
    '3'
    '4'
    '5'

    At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.

    This procedure works in Tennessee , Kentucky , Louisiana , Oklahoma, Arkansas, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, West Virginia, North Carolina, Washington DC, and some parts of Michigan
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  13. #1738
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    An old Pilot sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

    He replied, 'Well, I've spent my whole life flying biplanes, Cubs, Aeronca's, Neiuports, flew in WWII in a B-29, and later in the Korean conflict, taught 50 people to fly and gave rides to hundreds, so I guess I am a pilot.'

    She said, 'I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about naked women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about naked women. When I shower, I think about naked women. When I watch TV, I think about naked women. It seems everything makes me think of naked women.'

    The two sat sipping in silence.

    A little while later, a young man sat down on the other side of the old pilot and asked, 'Are you a real pilot?'

    He replied, 'I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.'


    Last edited by RestoRod; 12-23-2009 at 01:03 PM.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  14. #1739
    Larry M's Avatar
    Larry M is offline Senior Club Hot Rod Member Lifetime Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2001
    Location
    Shelton
    Car Year, Make, Model: '23 Tall "T" Coupe 400 SBC
    Posts
    4,614

    ATT00001.jpg
    Justice in Seattle, WA



    (AP) - A seven-year old boy was at the center of a King County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible.



    The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him.



    After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.



    After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Seattle Seahawks football team, whom the boy firmly believes is not capable of beating anyone.











    Gotcha!
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  15. #1740
    42K3's Avatar
    42K3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Redmond
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1942 IH K3
    Posts
    507

    A hillbilly was dressing in a suit and tie when his wife came in and asked, what did the doctor say and why are you putting on a suit?

    The hillbilly replied "the doctor said I was impotant, so I wanted to look the part".

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink