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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #1066
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Two hundred and seventy five pound guy goes for his bi-decade physical. After it is done, the doctor says:
    "I have some very bad news for you: You have a very short time to live..".

    "Oh no!!! How long, doctor??"

    "Ten.."

    "What, "Ten", Ten years, ten months, ten weeks - what??!?"

    The doctor goes, "nine...., eight...., seven..."

  2. #1067
    61bone's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOSS429
    dude .. 5 years and only 45 posts .. you need to speak up a bit more
    I think Yellow72 said all that needs to be said.
    theres no foo like an old foo

  3. #1068
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    Check out the green sneakers
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  4. #1069
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    Smile

     



    I think I see the direction this thread is taking....

  5. #1070
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    do it kid !! do it !!

     



    this is just my opinion and a short statement.. no need to add comment as it will just get the thread locked .. this is the first time iv`e ever not wanted anyone for president
    iv`e used up all my sick days at work .. can i call in dead ?

  6. #1071
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    Quote Originally Posted by HOSS429
    this is just my opinion and a short statement.. no need to add comment as it will just get the thread locked .. this is the first time iv`e ever not wanted anyone for president
    I have never been partisan.....until this year! I am temporarily a Republican! :-)

  7. #1072
    IC2
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    The polls say that Hilliary is the front runner everywhere (but Iowa, as of yesterday). I have yet to talk to anyone who will vote for her, Democrat or Republican. Maybe the media is polling themselves - and will vote for her and rampant socialism/communism. Everybody will be equal then, except some like her will be more equal (shades of Orwell's book "Animal Farm").

    We should start a new thread for these - regardless of the fact they really are a joke - but not!!!
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    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  8. #1073
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    Happy Thanksgiving

     



    Happy Thanksgiving to one and all, and here's hoping everyones turkey has ample breasts!
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    Last edited by Yellow72; 11-21-2007 at 07:37 PM.

  9. #1074
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A blind man was seen waiting at a street corner with his guide dog. After a short wait the dog started leading the blind man across the street against the red light.

    First a car comes screeching to a halt inches away from him, but still the dog leads on, then a bicyclist almost wipes them out and curses as he goes by. Finally in the last lane a truck swerves and barely misses them.

    After they reach the far corner the blind man reaches in his pocket and pulls out a cookie and offers it to the guide dog. At this point another person who has watched the entire episode interrupts asking why he was rewarding the dog after the dog had endangered his life and almost got him run over by a car, bicycle and truck.

    The blind man responded: "I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find out which end is his head so I can kick him in the ass."

  10. #1075
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    At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word "service."

    "It's the act of doing things for other people."

    Then I heard these terms which reference the word

    SERVICE:

    Internal Revenue Service
    Postal Service
    Telephone Service
    Civil Service
    City & County Public Service
    Customer Service
    Service Stations

    Then I became confused about the word "service ." This is not what I thought "service" meant.

    So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM!!! It all came into perspective. Now I understand what all those " services" agencies are doing to us.

    I hope you now are as enlightened as I am.

  11. #1076
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    I was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Help Hotline.

    I was put through to a 'call center' in Pakistan.

    I explained that I was feeling suicidal.

    They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane....

  12. #1077
    IC2
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    The Mounties always get their man!

    After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive", Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

    Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:

    370H-SSV-0773H

    Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleeza Rice. Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

    Eventually they asked the Royal Canadian Mounted Police for help. Within seconds the RCMP emailedthe White House with this reply: "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  13. #1078
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    A doctor called his patient on the phone and said "I've got bad news and worse news.....your test results came back and you've only got 24 hours to live. The worse news is.....I forgot to call you yesterday".

  14. #1079
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    How much money did Carl Perkins get for his song Blue Suede Shoes ?

    1 for the money
    2 for the show
    3 to get ready....

  15. #1080
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    This Year's First Christmas Joke

     



    Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the
    pearly gates.

    'In honor of this holy season' Saint Peter said, 'You must each
    possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.'

    The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
    flicked it on. 'It represents a candle', he said.

    'You may pass through the pearly gates' Saint Peter said.

    The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
    He shook them and said, 'They're bells.'

    Saint Peter said 'You may pass through the pearly gates'.

    The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and
    finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

    St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, 'And just
    what do those symbolize?'

    The man replied, 'These are Carols.'

    And So The Christmas Season Begins..

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