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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3316
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
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    I'm with JB... but it was FUNNY!

  2. #3317
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Then you'll love this one Johnboy....

    One Day the lion wakes up in the jungle and finds that a tool is missing, he goes to an elephant and asks,

    “Have you seen my tool?”

    Elephant replies: “What does it look like?”

    Lion: “Well it’s got four points on it.”

    Elephant: “Sorry, I haven’t seen it, try mouse.”

    So the Lion goes to the mouse and asks “Have you seen my tool?”

    Mouse: “What does it look like?”

    Lion: “Well it’s got four points on it.”

    Mouse: “Sorry mate, I’ve not seen it, try croc.”

    So the lion proceeds to the crocodile and asks “Have you seen my tool?”

    Croc: “What does it look like?”

    Lion: “Well it’s got four points on it.”

    Croc: “Sorry I’ve not seen it, try Jaguar.”

    So the lion goes to Jaguar and asks “Have you seen my tool?”

    Jaguar: “Of course, I ate it.”

    Lion: “Why did you do that?”

    Jaguar: “Well I’m a four point tool eater Jaguar.”
    NTFDAY, johnboy, stovens and 1 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  3. #3318
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I thought so little of it that I did a copy/paste and it's now on the joke page of the Mavericks NZ website.
    With my name in the 'credit' panel.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #3319
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    And (so far) here's the response I got:



    barracuda and bathcollector like this

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    Post by Alf on 18 hours ago

    Now I don't feel so bad about posting terrible jokes.................



    I'm not getting old.... I'm just evolving.




    Gumpy
    Maverick
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    Posts: 6,586

    Send Message


    15 hours ago

    Quote like


    .
    Post by Gumpy on 15 hours ago

    Sigh....
    Last edited by johnboy; 12-02-2018 at 02:23 PM.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #3320
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    One evening, after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Hot Rod in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the workbench watching him.
    After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in your garage."
    "You probably should consider selling your Hot Rod and all that welding equipment; they take up so much of your time. And that gun collection and fishing gear, they just take up so much space. And you know the boat is such an ongoing expense and you hardly use it. I also think you should lose all those stupid model airplanes and your home brewing equipment... And what's the use of that old Harley motorcycle?"

    Bob looked horrified!

    She noticed and said, "Honey, what's wrong?"

    He replied, "You are starting to sound like my ex-wife."

    "Ex-wife!?" she shouted, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

    Bob replied, "I wasn't..."
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  6. #3321
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
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    FINALLY!! Something Funny!! rotflmao.. HAH!!!

  7. #3322
    40FordDeluxe's Avatar
    40FordDeluxe is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    That is awesome!
    Ryan
    1940 Ford Deluxe Tudor 354 Hemi 46RH Electric Blue w/multi-color flames, Ford 9" Residing in multiple pieces
    1968 Corvette Coupe 5.9 Cummins Drag Car 11.43@130mph No stall leaving the line with 1250 rpm's and poor 2.2 60'
    1972 Chevy K30 Longhorn P-pumped 24v Compound Turbos 47RH Just another money pit
    Tire Sizes

  8. #3323
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    A State Trooper pulled an 87-year-old woman over for speeding.
    As he looked at her driver's license he was surprised to notice that attached to it was a concealed weapon permit.
    Taken aback, he couldn't help but ask, "Do you have a gun in your possession?"
    She replied in her crackly voice, "Indeed, I do. Why I have a 45 automatic in the glove box."
    The trooper then asked if she had any other weapons.
    She replied, "I have a 9 mm Glock in the center console."
    The shocked trooper asked, "Is that all the weapons you are transporting?"
    The little old lady held up her purse and replied, "Well, I do keep a 38 special in my purse."
    Finally, the astonished trooper asked, "What are you afraid of?"
    And the little old lady smiled and replied: "Not a F- ing Thing."

  9. #3324
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Technology? Good or Bad?

     



    I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked.
    She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
    "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
    "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.

    As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
    NTFDAY and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  10. #3325
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    another oldie

    I was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
    I asked my wife if she would go to Lowes and pick up a hinge. She agreed
    to go. While she was waiting for the manager, Charlie, to finish serving a
    customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet. When the manager was
    finished, She asked him, "How much is that faucet?

    The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00."

    She exclaimed, "My goodness, that's an expensive faucet - certainly out of
    my price range.." She then proceeded to describe the hinge that I had sent
    her to buy. The manager said that he had them in stock and it was $3.49.
    He then went into the storeroom to get one.

    From the storeroom, the manager yelled. "Ma'am, you wanna screw for the
    hinge?"

    She shouted back, "No, but I will for the faucet."

    This is why you can't send a woman to Lowes
    NTFDAY, johnboy, JeffB2 and 3 others like this.

  11. #3326
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Crikey Hank, that's a bit rough!

    (Funny though!)

    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  12. #3327
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    The sheriff enters the bar. "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?" he asks.
    "What does he look like?"
    "He wears a brown paper suit, with brown paper hat, shirt, tie, socks, and shoes."
    "What's he wanted for?"

    "Rustling."
    NTFDAY, Rrumbler and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #3328
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    OH JB..... Please.
    Jack F likes this.

  14. #3329
    Dave Severson is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Procrastinators United will be holding a meeting for nominating members to be inducted in the 2004 Procrastinators Hall of Fame class.
    stovens and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, Live for Today!
    Carroll Shelby

    Learning must be difficult for those who already know it all!!!!

  15. #3330
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    A guy walks into a bar and demands a shot of 12-yr old malt.

    The barman says to himself "Rude bastard, he'll never know the difference," so he pours a shot of 2-year old blended whisky.

    The guy takes one sip, spits it out and shouts at the barman: "Oi, I said 12-year old malt!"

    The barman is unimpressed and tries to foist him off with some 6-year old scotch. The guy takes a sip...same reaction. But the barman is still unwilling to give in and he pours a shot of 10-year old scotch. Again, same reaction from the customer.

    Finally, the barman has to concede that the guy is a connoisseur and he serves him his original request for a glass of 12-year-old malt. The guy takes a sip and is at last satisfied.

    All the while this has been going on, a drunk at the end of the bar has been watching. He slides a shot glass down the bar to the customer and slurs: "Shay mishter, tashte this!"

    The guy duly obliges but spits it out immediately. "Ugh ! It tastes like piss," he shoots back at the drunk.

    The drunk replies: "It ish. How old would you shay I am ?"
    NTFDAY and 40FordDeluxe like this.

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