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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #1756
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    An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly Check-up...

    The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said, 'Things are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 yr-old bride who is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that Doc ?'


    The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story.
    'I have an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.'



    'One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
    As he neared a lake, he he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge.


    He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane, aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle, and went 'bang, bang'..
    'Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead..

    Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor.

    The 86-year-old said,
    'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.'

    The doctor replied, 'My point exactly.'
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  2. #1757
    Larry M's Avatar
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    Why Southerns Vote Republican.........


    Alabama

    A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
    “Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied.
    "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired.
    "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"

    Georgia
    The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000 minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everything but my earrings."

    Louisiana
    A senior at Louisiana was overheard saying, "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana." When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana because everything happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world."

    Mississippi
    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
    The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

    North Carolina
    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait. A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was. The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
    The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
    The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."

    Tennessee
    A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

    Texas
    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch.
    The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
    "Yep", he replied. "That's why I dumpin it here, cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage'."

    You can say what you want about the South,
    But you never hear of anyone retiring and moving North..
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  3. #1758
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    I thought everyone needed a laugh today!


    I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.

    After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.

    Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  4. #1759
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    Love The Irish

     



    Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, 'Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!'

    Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

    Paddy looked up again and said, 'Never mind, I found one.'

    ******************

    Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and asks the first man he meets, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

    The man said, 'I do, Father.'

    The priest said, 'Then stand over there against the wall.'

    Then the priest asked the second man, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

    'Certainly, Father,' the man replied.

    'Then stand over there against the wall,' said the priest.

    Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and asked, 'Do you want to go to heaven?'

    O'Toole said, 'No, I don't Father.'

    The priest said, 'I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?'

    O'Toole said, 'Oh, when I die , yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now.'

    **************

    Paddy was in New York .

    He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Then he'd allow the traffic to pass.

    He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk.

    After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'

    *****************


    Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

    'Did you see the paper?' asked Gallagher. 'They say I died!!'

    'Yes, I saw it!' replied Finney. 'Where are ye callin' from?'

    ****************

    An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut . The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

    He says, 'Sir, have you been drinking?'

    'Just water,' says the priest.

    The trooper says, 'Then why do I smell wine?'

    The priest looks at the bottle and says, 'Good Lord! He's done it again!'

    ********************

    Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.'

    'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

    'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.'

    'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch! What did she say?'

    She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.'

    *********************

    Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

    He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

    Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

    He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

    In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

    She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

    Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

    'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

    ***********************


    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  5. #1760
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    The first Politician.

     



    An archeological team has uncovered
    10,000 year old bones and fossil remains
    Of what is believed to be the first
    Politician.



    Attached Images
    Last edited by RestoRod; 01-18-2010 at 08:09 AM.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  6. #1761
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    National Reactions To Terrorist Threat

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".


    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  7. #1762
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    A man is driving around the back woods of Birmingham and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: 'Talking Dog For Sale ' So he rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

    The man goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

    'You talk?' he asks.


    'Yep,' the Lab replies.


    After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog that talks, he says 'So, what's your story?'


    The Lab looks up and says, 'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government,
    so I told the MI5. In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.''I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. '
    But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down.
    I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.
    I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals.''I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now
    I'm just retired.'

    The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.


    'Ten quid,' the owner says.

    'Ten quid? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

    'Because he's a liar. He never did any of that sh*t.



    Last edited by RestoRod; 01-18-2010 at 08:17 AM.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  8. #1763
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    Quote Originally Posted by RestoRod View Post
    National Reactions To Terrorist Threat

    The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

    The Scots raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the frontline in the British army for the last 300 years.

    The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

    It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

    The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

    Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

    The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

    New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defense cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Australia will come end rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".


    Now aint that the truth,ESPECIALLY the last part... Cos, according to our previous government, we didnt need all that gear, the Communists would have come to the rescue..
    Micah 6:8

    If we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks,,,WHY is there a light in the refrigerator???

    Robin.

  9. #1764
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    A woman who was beaten black and blue, goes to the doctor.
    Doctor: What happened?"
    Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk, he beats me to a pulp."
    Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. Whenever your husband comes home inebriated, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it.Just gargle and gargle."
    Two weeks later she returns to the doctor,and looks reborn and fresh again.
    Woman: "Doc, That was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea and gargled and nothing happened."


    Doctor: "You see how keeping your mouth shut helps!"










    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  10. #1765
    dogtag's Avatar
    dogtag is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 56 Olds
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    Difference between my Italian Mother in Law and a Sasquatch?

    One has Disgusting thick matted smelly hair all over the Body and




    The other has huge feet!


    DT
    My Ride
    56 Olds, Rocket 88 Http://dogtagsvette.5u.com
    LS1 powered
    4L65 E
    Mustang ll front Clip
    Ford 9" Butt
    13' Wilwood brakes with
    Hydraboost power.

  11. #1766
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    "As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, He'll buy the fifth drink."

    "Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."
    "Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Newfie. "Back home in Sin Jahn's, there's the Codfish Bar. The moment you sets foot in the place, they'll buy you a drink, then another. All the drinks you like actually. Then, when you've had enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid. All on de house!"
    The Englishman and Scotsman immediately shout down the Newfie's claims, but he swears every word is true.

    "Well," said the Englishman, still suspicious, "Did this actually happen to you?"

    "Not me self, personally, no," admitted the Newf. "But it did happen to me sister quite a few times."







    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  12. #1767
    IC2
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    They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank heavens for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:
    --------------------------
    The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals..
    --------------------------
    The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'
    --------------------------
    Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house.. Bring your husbands.
    --------------------------
    Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
    --------------------------
    Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
    --------------------------
    Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
    --------------------------
    For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
    --------------------------
    Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
    --------------------------
    Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
    --------------------------
    A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
    --------------------------
    At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice ..
    --------------------------
    Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
    --------------------------
    Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
    --------------------------
    Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
    --------------------------
    The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
    --------------------------
    Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow..
    --------------------------
    The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon..
    --------------------------
    This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin..
    --------------------------
    Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
    --------------------------
    The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
    --------------------------
    Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
    - -------------------------
    The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
    --------------------------
    Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church Please use large double door at the side entrance.
    --------------------------
    The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  13. #1768
    Larry M's Avatar
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    The economy is so bad that ...

     



    The economy is so bad that ...

    I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

    I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked, "Can you afford fries with that?"

    CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

    If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

    Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

    McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

    Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

    A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

    Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

    Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

    The Mafia is laying off judges.

    Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

    Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

    And, finally...

    I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.
    Every Day I Wake Up Above Ground Is a Good Day!!

  14. #1769
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    It's Hell to be Old

    OLD people have problems that you haven't
    even considered yet!

    An 85-year-old man was requested by his
    Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam.

    The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
    this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.'

    The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
    at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day.

    The doctor asked what happened and the man
    explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing.

    'Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with
    her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.
    She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing.

    'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
    and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing.'

    The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your
    neighbor?'

    The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get
    the jar open.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  15. #1770
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    CIGARETTE:
    A pinch of tobacco
    rolled in paper
    with fire at one end
    and a fool at the other!

    MARRIAGE:
    It's an agreement wherein
    a man loses his bachelor degree
    and a woman gains her master

    LECTURE:
    An art of transmitting Information
    from the notes of the lecturer
    to the notes of students
    without passing through the minds
    of either

    CONFERENCE:
    The confusion of one man
    multiplied by the
    number present

    COMPROMISE:
    The art of dividing
    a cake in such a way that
    everybody believes
    he got the biggest piece

    TEARS:
    The hydraulic force by which
    masculine will power is
    defeated by feminine water-power!

    DICTIONARY:
    A place where divorce comes
    before marriage

    CONFERENCE ROOM:
    A place where everybody talks,
    nobody listens
    and everybody disagrees later on

    ECSTASY:
    A feeling when you feel
    you are going to feel
    a feeling
    you have never felt before

    CLASSIC:
    A book
    which people praise,
    but never read

    SMILE:
    A curve
    that can set
    a lot of things straight!

    OFFICE:
    A place
    where you can relax
    after your strenuous
    home life

    YAWN:
    The only time
    when some married men
    ever get to open
    their mouth

    ETC:
    A sign
    to make others believe
    that you know
    more than
    you actually do


    COMMITTEE:
    Individuals
    who can do
    nothing individually,
    sit to decide
    that nothing can be done
    together

    EXPERIENCE:
    The name
    men give
    to their
    Mistakes


    ATOM BOMB:
    An invention
    to bring an end
    to all
    inventions


    PHILOSOPHER:
    A fool
    who torments himself
    during life,
    to be spoken of
    when dead

    DIPLOMAT:
    A person
    who tells you
    to go to hell
    in such a way
    that you actually look forward
    to the trip


    OPPORTUNIST:
    A person
    who starts taking a bath
    if he accidentally
    falls into a river

    OPTIMIST:
    A person
    who, while falling
    from the EIFFEL TOWER
    says in midway
    "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

    PESSIMIST:
    A person
    who says that
    O is the last letter
    in ZERO,
    Instead of the first letter
    in OPPORTUNITY

    MISER:
    A person
    who lives poor
    so that
    he can die RICH!

    FATHER:
    A banker
    provided by
    nature

    CRIMINAL:
    A guy
    no different
    from the other,
    unless he gets caught

    BOSS:
    Someone
    who is early
    when you are late
    and late
    when you are early

    POLITICIAN:
    One who
    shakes your hand
    before elections
    and your Confidence
    Later
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

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