How to stretch your pension
A couple, both age 76, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed.
When the couple finished, the doctor said, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse," and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave.
Finally, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house, I'm married and we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90; the Hilton charges $108. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare
Bumper Stickers for Seniors
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln & Barack Obama
You might be surprised...
Parallels of Abraham Lincoln & Barack Obama
1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration; Obama used the same Bible.
2. Lincoln came from Illinois; Obama comes from Illinois.
3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature; Obama served in the Illinois Legislature.
4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President; Obama had very little experience before becoming President.
5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration; Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration.
6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
7. Lincoln was a Republican; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
8. Lincoln was in the United States military; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
9. Lincoln believed that everyone should carry their own weight; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayer's money on personal enjoyments; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
11. Lincoln was highly respected; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
12. Lincoln was born in the United States; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
13. Lincoln was honest; so honest he was called "Honest Abe"; Obama is a skinny lawyer. .
14. Lincoln saved the United States; Obama is a skinny lawyer.
10 dog peeves about humans
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not very funny at all!
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?