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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #1771
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
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    Be warned, if you act this out it may not be pretty.....
    Attached Images
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  2. #1772
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    ^^^good one^^^


    As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a
    funeral director to play at a graveside service for a
    homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service
    was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky
    backcountry.

    As I was not familiar with the rural roads, I got lost; and
    being a typical man I didn't stop for directions.

    I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral director
    had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

    There were only the diggers and crew left and they were
    eating lunch. I felt bad and apologized to the men for being
    late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and
    the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else
    to do, so I started to play.

    The workers put down their lunches and began to gather
    around. Embarrassed about being late, and feeling sad for
    this poor man with no family and friends, I put my heart and
    soul into the music. Overcome with emotion, I played like
    I've never played before for this forgotten homeless man.

    And as I played "Amazing Grace," the workers began to weep.
    They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished I
    packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my
    head hung low, my heart was full.

    As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers
    say, "Sweet Mother of Jesus, I never seen nothing like that
    before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for years."

  3. #1773
    HOSS429's Avatar
    HOSS429 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

    'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

    'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered. 'On a trip to

    the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers,

    who were threatening a young woman.

    I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So,

    I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and

    smacked him in his face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his

    nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off!!

    Or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

    St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

    'Just a couple of minutes ago'
    iv`e used up all my sick days at work .. can i call in dead ?

  4. #1774
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
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    New survey
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    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  5. #1775
    lamin8r's Avatar
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 60 F100 truck
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    gotta laugh,but how true...
    Micah 6:8

    If we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks,,,WHY is there a light in the refrigerator???

    Robin.

  6. #1776
    IC2
    IC2 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Resto - they forgot the Korean and Chinese
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  7. #1777
    fitzwilly's Avatar
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 59 FORD FAIRLANE 500 GALAXIE
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    One tequila....two tequila......

     



    A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and
    sees that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must
    be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and
    asks, "What's with the money in the jar?"
    "Well..., you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the
    money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."
    The man certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he asks, "What are the
    three tests?"
    "You gotta pay first," says the bartender, "those are the rules."
    So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10
    which he stuffs into the jar.
    "Okay," says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
    First - You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or
    less, and you can't make a face while doing it."
    "Second - There's a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You
    have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.."
    "Third - There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never had sex. You
    have to take care of that problem."
    The man is stunned! "I know I paid my $10 -- but I'm not an idiot! I
    won't do it! You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then
    do all those other things!"
    "Your call," says the bartender, "but, your money stays where it is."
    As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says,
    "Where's the damn tequila?!" He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can.
    Tears stream down both cheeks -- but he doesn't make a face -- and he
    drinks it in 58 seconds! Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained
    to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling,
    screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing but silence!
    Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back
    into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he's bleeding from
    bites and gashes all over his body.
    He drunkenly says, "Now..., where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"
    Last edited by fitzwilly; 02-15-2010 at 07:59 AM.

  8. #1778
    fitzwilly's Avatar
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    Wink The girl to marry

     



    THE DIFFERENCE WHEN YOU MARRY A MICHIGAN GIRL

    The first man married a woman from North Carolina. He told her that
    she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of
    days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes
    washed and put away.

    The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife
    orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
    The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was
    better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were
    done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

    The third man married a girl from Michigan. He ordered her to keep the
    house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot
    meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see
    anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day,
    some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of
    his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a
    sandwich and load the dishwasher.

    He still has some difficulty when he pees.

  9. #1779
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    6 Truths of Life

    1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.



    2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.



    3. And discover that The first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.


    4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.



    5... You soon will forward this to another idiot.


    6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.


    I apologize about this..

    I found out that I was an idiot too and I needed company...



    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  10. #1780
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    I'm sure that you have seen pharmaceutical advertising in doctor's offices on everything from tissues to note pads.
    Well, in my book, this one should get the prize.....


    I e-mailed it to my Chinese doctor friend. He
    E-mailed back: "If light stay onfor more than 4 hours, call your erectrician."

    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  11. #1781
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    This guy is 75 years old and loves to fish.

    He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

    He looked around and couldn't see any one..

    He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say a gain, "Pick me up."

    He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

    The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

    The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!"

    The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

    Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride."

    He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,
    "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."
    With age comes wisdom...
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  12. #1782
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    I GOT STOPPED FOR SPEEDING YESTERDAY.
    I THOUGHT I COULD TALK MY WAY OUT OF IT

    UNTIL THE COP LOOKED AT MY DOG IN THE

    BACK SEAT.


    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  13. #1783
    61bone's Avatar
    61bone is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    sioux falls
    Car Year, Make, Model: 27t coupe. Coming soon 32 Pontiac RPU
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    I wanted to get a personalized plate for my coupe. It was so expensive I just changed my name to 1az 614
    theres no foo like an old foo

  14. #1784
    ford2custom's Avatar
    ford2custom is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Harry’s wife was giving her annual exhortation on the Lenten regulations. Harry looked up from his newspaper and subtly inquired, What about all the people who are in Hell because they ate meat on Friday?” His wife replied, “Well when you get there you’ll find out!”

    Richard

  15. #1785
    ford2custom's Avatar
    ford2custom is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Harry says: "Get even with your Kids Live long enough to be a problem for them!"

    Richard

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