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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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  1. #3196
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 Ford F1

    now that's a keeper.
    Rrumbler likes this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  2. #3197
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Opunake NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford, sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.

    An Aussie truckie walks into an outback cafe with a full-grown emu behind him.
    The waitress asks them for their orders.
    The truckie says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke,' and turns to the emu, 'What's yours?'
    'Sounds great, I'll have the same,' says the emu.
    A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $19.40 please,' and he reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change and pays.
    The next day, the man and the emu come again and he says, 'A hamburger, chips and a coke.'
    The emu says, ' Sounds great, I'll have the same.'
    Again the truckie reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.
    This becomes routine until the two enter again. 'The usual?' asks the waitress.
    'No, it's Friday night, so I'll have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man..
    'Same for me,' says the emu.
    Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.60.'
    Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.
    The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. 'Excuse me mate, how do you manage to always pull the exact change from your pocket every time?'
    'Well love,' says the truckie, 'a few years ago, I was cleaning out the back shed, and found an old lamp. When I cleaned it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
    My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.'
    'That's brilliant!' says the waitress. 'Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want, for as long as you live!'
    'That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there.' says the man.
    Still curious the waitress asks, 'So what's with the emu?'
    The truckie pauses, sighs, and answers, 'My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say.'
    TOW'D, glennsexton, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

  3. #3198
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS

    I don't care where your from.... that's funny!!
    34_40 likes this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  4. #3199
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Opunake NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford, sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.

    Once upon a time (all good stories start that way,) in a land far far away (the North Pole actually,) in a huge underground cavern (known to the locals as Santa’s Workshop,) Santa was preparing everything for his Annual Toy Run, which was only a week away.
    A little fairy, Nuff, (not an unusual name for a fairy – surely everyone’s heard of Fairy Nuff?) came to see him.
    “Santa,’ she said, “it would seem that our Christmas tree has been overlooked this year. Do you want me to fly to Finland and bring one back?”
    “Dear me!” said Santa, “how remiss! Yes please Fairy Nuff.”
    So without any more ado, away flew Fairy Nuff.

    It was about then that things started to go wrong for poor Santa.
    One of the elves marched into his office.
    “I’m Good Elf To Ya, Union Delegate for the Free Order of Elves, or FOE as we like to be known. As of 3 o’clock this afternoon we’re going on strike. We’ve kept this workshop running 24/7 for the last twelve months and we’re demanding better working conditions for a start. We also want higher wages, (at least 7 cents more per week) a paid holiday in Bermuda every summer of at least 2 hours per elf, paid elf insurance with Medicare, and…”
    “Out! Out!” roared Santa “I can’t afford such profligate expenses! We run a shoestring business here! I’d be broke if I acquiesced to your demands!”
    “Suit yourself,” said Good Elf To Ya, “but as of 3 o’clock we’re gone,” and he walked out.
    Just then the phone rang.
    “Hello,” said Santa, picking up the receiver.
    “Senior Sergeant Plod from the Vice Squad,” said the caller. “Every year about this time we have multiple worldwide reports of unauthorised entries into private dwellings. We have collated these reports and have come to the conclusion that this is but one man on an annual crime spree.. We’ll be there to interrogate you at length in an hour, have your attorney available,” and hung up.
    There was then a timid knock at the door.
    “Come in,” said Santa.
    It was reindeer Donner.
    “What can I do for you?’ asked Santa.
    “Umm…some of the boys and I got on the turps a bit last night,” said Donner, “and things got a bit rowdy. Blitzen has a broken leg, Prancer has a dislocated shoulder, and Rudolph walked into the edge of a door and now has one eye the size of a football and glowing brighter than his nose. We’re going to be out of action for a fortnight if not more.”
    “Get out of my sight,” groaned Santa.
    Just then the phone rang again.
    “What!’ roared Santa as he picked it up.
    “Hello,” said a voice. “Senior Inspector Clark Kent from Civil Aviation Authority. It has come to our attention that you’ve been flying around all over the place in an unlicensed unregistered unauthorised craft. Can’t have that old chap! Next thing you know there’ll be all sorts on unauthorised idiots flying about all over the place. And that’s not a very good look.
    Your craft has been grounded pending inspection.”
    And he hung up.
    Then there was another knock at the door.
    “Yes?” groaned Santa.
    “It’s me, Nuff,” said a voice. “I’ve got the Christmas tree. Where shall I put it?”

    And from that day forward it has become the custom to have a fairy on the top of a Christmas tree.
    34_40 and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

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