Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2691Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 207 of 226 FirstFirst ... 107 157 197 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 217 ... LastLast
Results 3,091 to 3,105 of 3379
  1. #3091
    JeffB2's Avatar
    JeffB2 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Phoenix
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1954 Ford Customline 5.0 & AOD
    Posts
    443

    Quote Originally Posted by Kiwidreamer View Post
    My apologies to the over sensitive, will remove.
    They won't get offended here,they love naughty: YellowBullet.com: News

  2. #3092
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    651

    hope this test will amuse not offend

    1. In the company of females, intercourse should be referred to as:

    A. Lovemaking.

    B. Screwing.

    C. Taking the pigskin bus to tuna town.



    2. You should make love to a woman for the first time only after you've

    both shared:

    A. Your views about what you expect from a sexual relationship.

    B. Your blood-test results.

    C. Five tequila slammers.



    3. You should time your orgasm so that:

    A. Your partner climaxes first.

    B. You both climax simultaneously.

    C. You don't miss ESPN Sports Center.



    4. Passionate, spontaneous sex on the kitchen floor is:

    A. Healthy, creative love-play.

    B. Not the sort of thing your wife would agree to.

    C. Not the sort of thing your wife needs to ever find out about.



    5. Spending the night cuddling a woman you've just had sex with is:

    A. The best part of the experience.

    B. The second best part of the experience.

    C. $100 extra.


    6. Your wife/girlfriend says she's gained five pounds in the last month.

    You tell her that it is:

    A. Of no influence on your affectionate feelings for her.

    B. Not a problem, she can join your gym.

    C. A conservative estimate.



    7. Foreplay is to sex as:

    A. An appetizer is to an entree.

    B. Primer is to paint.

    C. A long line is to an amusement park ride.



    8. Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at

    the end of a relationship?

    A. "I hope we can still be friends."

    B. "I'm not in right now, please leave a message at the beep."

    C. "Welcome to Dumpsville. Population, YOU."



    9. A woman who is uncomfortable watching you masturbate:

    A. Probably needs a little more time before she can cope with that sort

    of intimacy.

    B. Is uptight and a waste of time.

    C. Shouldn't have sat next to you on the bus in the first place.
    johnboy and 40FordDeluxe like this.

  3. #3093
    mprevo's Avatar
    mprevo is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Alpena
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1937 Plymouth Business Coupe
    Posts
    134

    A guy was a passenger in a NYC Taxi. After sitting silently in the back seat for for 15 minutes he reaches forwards and taps the taxi drivers on his shoulder.

    The driver starts to scream, swerves the taxi nearly hitting a bus, and stops inches from a shop window.

    "Holy Cow, your jumpy aren't you, I only tapped your shoulder" says the passenger.

    "Sorry," says the cabby, "It's my first day. I've been driving a Hearse for last 20 years."
    34_40 and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    It is easy to make a small fortune in Hot Rods. Just start with a large one.......

  4. #3094
    mprevo's Avatar
    mprevo is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2015
    Location
    Alpena
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1937 Plymouth Business Coupe
    Posts
    134

    A man walked out into the street and managed to get a taxi just going by.
    What luck, he thought, as he slid into the cab.

    "Perfect timing," the cabby said. "You're just like Bill."

    "Who?"

    "Bill Smith. There's a guy who did everything right," the cabby said. "Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Bill every time."

    "Nah," the man said to the cabby. "There are always a few clouds over everybody."

    "Not Bill," said the cabby. "He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."

    "Bill was really something, huh?"

    "Oh, yeah," continued the cabby. "Bill had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out."

    "No wonder you remember him," the man said.

    "Well, I never actually met Bill," said the cabby.

    "Then how in the world do you know so much about him?"

    "I married his widow," replied the cabby.

    .
    Rrumbler and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    It is easy to make a small fortune in Hot Rods. Just start with a large one.......

  5. #3095
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    651

    I recently spent $6,500 on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and would not even look at a cow. I had beginning to think I had paid too much for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and take a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy, but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed him once per day.

    The bull started to service the cows within two days, all my cows! He even broke through the fence and all of my neighbor's cows! He's like a machine!

    I don't know what was in the pill the Vet gave him..........but they taste like peppermint
    johnboy, stovens, Jack F and 2 others like this.

  6. #3096
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
    Posts
    9,528

    The Box

     



    Days like this.....

    Box.jpg
    Rrumbler, stovens, Jack F and 1 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3097
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,197

    A dear friend of mine has been feeling somewhat down lately - lack of energy, no motivation, no appetite and just kind of wasting away. He finally went to the doctor and after running a lot of tests the doctor said they have identified the problem but before continuing the doctor wanted to speak to my friends wife about his condition. So they both went to the doctor's office and the doctor indicated that my friend should wait in the reception area and he needed to privately speak with his wife. Once behind the closed doors, the doctor explained that my friend was suffering from a know condition. While this condition was yet to be named, the medical field had determined the most successful course of treatment.

    The doctor told her, "The only chance your husband has involves sex two, or better yet,three times every day for the next month."

    Nodding her head, she walked out into the reception area where her husband was anxiously waiting. "Well?" he asked, "What did the doctor say?"

    She looked at him - slowly nodding her head side-to-side, "The doctor says you're going to die....."
    40FordDeluxe likes this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  8. #3098
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,197

    I told my son, “You will marry the girl I choose.”

    He said, “NO!”

    I told him, “She is Bill Gates’ daughter.”

    He said, “OK.”

    I called Bill Gates and said, “I want your daughter to marry my son.”

    Bill Gates said, “NO.”

    I told Bill Gates, My son is the CEO of World Bank.”

    Bill Gates said, “OK.”

    I called the President of World Bank and asked him to make my son the CEO.

    He said, “NO.”

    I told him, “My son is Bill Gates’ son-in-law.”

    He said, “OK.”

    This is exactly how politics works . .
    johnboy, 34_40, stovens and 2 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  9. #3099
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    This is only a joke..

    RABBITS:

    Leading drug companies have announced that live rabbits will no longer be used in scientific experiments.
    Muslims will now be used instead.
    A top scientist has stated that the advantage of using Muslims is they breed faster than rabbits, and you don't get fond of them!

  10. #3100
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    A Plumber (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 50th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates..
    A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name,
    and absolutely everyone wants to shake his hand.

    Just when he thinks things can't possibly get any better, Saint Peter himself runs over, apologizes for not greeting him personally at the Pearly Gates,
    shakes his hand, and says, "Congratulations son, we've been waiting a long time for you."

    "Totally confused and a little embarrassed, the Plumber ( The Royalty of all Trades) sheepishly looks at Saint Peter
    and says "Saint Peter, I tried to lead a God-fearing life, I loved my family, I tried to obey the 10 Commandments,
    but congratulations for what? I honestly don't remember doing anything really special when I was alive.
    Is it because I'm a Plumber ( The Royalty of all Trades )

    "Congratulations for what?" says Saint Peter, totally amazed at the man's modesty.
    "We're celebrating the fact that you lived to be 160 years old! God himself wants to see you!"

    The Plumber ( The Royalty of all Trades) is awestruck and can only look at Saint Peter with his mouth wide open.
    When he regains his power of speech, he looks up at Saint Peter and says "Saint Peter, I lived my life in the eternal hope
    that when I died I would be judged by God and be found to be worthy, but I only lived to be fifty."

    "That's simply impossible son," says Saint Peter, "We've added up all your time sheets."

  11. #3101
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for Me."

    Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"

    God said, "Go down into that valley."

    Adam said, "What's a valley?"

    God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river."

    Adam said, "What's a river?"

    God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill....."

    Adam said, "What is a hill?"

    So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
    He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

    Adam said, 'What's a cave?'

    After God explained,
    He said,"In the cave you will find a woman."

    Adam said, "What's a woman?'

    So God explained that to him, too.
    Then, God said, 'I want you to reproduce."

    Adam said, "How do I do that?"

    God first said (under His breath), "Geez....."

    And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

    So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

    Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

    God, His patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"

    And Adam said....


    *

    *


    (YOU'RE GOING TO LOVE THIS!!!!!!)

    *

    *


    *



    "What's a headache?"

  12. #3102
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    If you are female and reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if male, then feel proud after reading it!

    "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river.
    When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
    The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water and he needed the axe to make his living.
    The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    The woodcutter replied, "No."
    The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
    The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked.
    The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
    The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

    Some time later the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river.
    When he cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?"
    "Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"
    The Lord went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE.
    "Is this your wife?" the Lord asked.
    "Yes," cried the woodcutter.
    The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
    The woodcutter replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ. Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE."

    The moral of this story is: Whenever a man lies, it is for a good and honorable reason and for the benefit of others.

    That's our story, and we're sticking to it! -

  13. #3103
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    Tiger Woods turns to Stevie Wonder and says, "How's the singing career going?"

    Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

    Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."

    Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."

    Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
    Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
    Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

    Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him. Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

    "But, how do you putt?" asks Tiger.

    "Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

    Tiger asks, "What's your handicap?"
    Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."
    Woods, in dismay, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime."

    Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money, and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. Is that a problem?"

    Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that. $10,000 a hole is fine with me. When would you like to play?"

    Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

  14. #3104
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    Confucius says:

    Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.

    Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.

    Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.

    Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.

    Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

    War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.

    Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.



    Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ....

    "A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"

  15. #3105
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    STORY OF 2 BEGGARS…
    This is how you can get rich….
    Hasam and Habib are street beggars. They beg in different areas of London.
    Habib begs just as long as Hasam but only collects £2 to £3 every day.
    Hasam brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend.
    Habib says to Hasam 'I work just as long and hard as you do, but how do you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?'
    Hasam says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'?
    Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'.
    Hasam says 'No wonder you only get £2- £3.'
    Habib says, 'So what does your sign say'?
    Hasam shows Habib his sign.
    It reads,
    'I only need another £10 to move back to Syria.'

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink