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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3181
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
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    JB, OOOOOO NOOOOOooooo... 8-)
    stovens likes this.

  2. #3182
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
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    Ole , age 92 and Lena, age 89, living in the Northfield Retirement Center, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass the Village Drug Store.

    Once inside, Ole addresses the man behind the counter:
    "Are you the owner?"

    The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

    Ole: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"

    Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."

    Ole: "How about medicine for circulation?"

    Pharmacist: "All kinds."

    Ole: "Medicine for rheumatism?"

    Pharmacist: "Definitely."

    Ole: "How about suppositories?"

    Pharmacist: "You bet!"

    Ole: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"

    Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."

    Ole: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"

    Pharmacist: "Absolutely."

    Ole: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"

    Pharmacist: "We sure do."

    Ole: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"

    Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."

    Ole: "Adult diapers?"

    Pharmacist: "Sure."

    Ole: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
    Rrumbler, 34_40, stovens and 1 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  3. #3183
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford, sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    Sometimes we seniors understand directions too well…

    I went to my nearby CVS Pharmacy, straight to the back, where the Pharmacists' high counter is located. I took out my little brown bottle, along with a teaspoon, and set them up on the counter.
    The Pharmacist came over, smiled, and asked if he could help me.
    I said, "Yes! Could you please taste this for me?
    Seeing a senior citizen, the Pharmacist went along. He took the spoon, put a tiny bit of the liquid on it, put it on his tongue and swilled it around. Then, with a stomach-churning look on his face, he spat it out on the floor and began coughing.
    When he was finally finished, I looked him right in the eye and asked, “Now, does that taste sweet to you?”
    The Pharmacist, shaking his head back and forth with a venomous look in his eyes yelled, "HELL NO!”

    I said, "Oh, thank God for that! That's a real relief! My doctor told me to have a Pharmacist test my urine for sugar!”
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

  4. #3184
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Robert was due to inherit a fortune when his sickly father died.
    He decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with, so went to a singles bar where he met a woman whose beauty took his breath away.
    “Right now I’m just an ordinary bloke,” he told her, “but within a couple of months my father will pass away and I’ll inherit 30 million dollars.”

    The woman went home with Robert that night and four days later became his stepmother.
    Rrumbler, 34_40, stovens and 2 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

  5. #3185
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I hate people who take drugs and alcohol!











    Like Customs Officers and Policemen...
    Last edited by johnboy; 10-10-2017 at 08:10 PM.
    40FordDeluxe likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

  6. #3186
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: Lifted TJ, '33 HiBoy w/347 stroker
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    A friend of mine wrote, "I rode my bicycle to the liquor store yesterday, and picked up a bottle of really nice single malt scotch. Out front, I put the bottle in my bicycle basket, but then thought, 'If I fall off of my bike the bottle will break!', so I drank the entire bottle before heading home, and through the empty bottle in their trash receptacle. It turns out my fears were well placed, because I fell off of the bicycle seven times on the way home!!"

    Smart guy!
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3187
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Bob the boss.

     



    Bob the boss was suffering a minor cash-flow problem so decided he'd have to reduce staff numbers by at least one to manage his way through it. But he couldn't decide who to fire.
    He finally whittled it down to a choice between two: Jack or Jill as they were the two most recently employed.
    To make his choice the next day he thought he'd fire the first one to visit the water-cooler.
    Jill, after a night out with her friends on the plonk came to work next day and headed straight for the cooler.
    So Bob the boss walked up to her and said "I've decided I have to either lay you or Jack off..."
    Jill interrupted him with the reply "Could you jack off? I feel like s**t."
    johnboy
    Mountain man.
    Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

    '47 Ford sedan.
    '49 Morris Minor.
    '51 Ford school bus.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica.

  8. #3188
    mprevo's Avatar
    mprevo is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1937 Plymouth Business Coupe
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    All the members of the company's Board of Directors were called into the Chairman's office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside. Finally it was his turn to be summoned. Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors seated at the far end of the boardroom table. He was instructed to stand at the other end of the table, which he did. The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, he asked,

    "Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Foyt?"

    "Oh, no, sir, positively not!" Ted replied.

    "Are you absolutely sure?" asked the chairman.

    "Honest, I've never been close enough to even touch her!"

    "You'd swear to that?"

    "Yes, I swear I've never had sex with Miss Foyt, anytime, anywhere," insisted Ted.

    "Good. Then you fire her."

    .
    Rrumbler and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    It is easy to make a small fortune in Hot Rods. Just start with a large one.......

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