Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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My landlord told me he needs to talk to me about my heating bills.

I told him my door is always open.

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them.... they are bound to be curious about Sex at that age."

"Curious about Sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her appendix out!"

Guess what I bumped into on my way to get my new glasses!

Damned near everything!

We must all do what we can to do our bit and save our planet...

So I've just unplugged a row of electric cars that no-one was using.

I saw a billboard sign that said:

NEED HELP?, CALL JESUS
0-800-005-3787

Out of curiosity, I did.

A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.

90% of all electric vehicles are still on the road, the other 10% made it home…

Whilst in Germany just after WWII my watch started playing silly games. Instead of going 'Tick-tock-tick-tock' it just went 'Tick-tick-tick-tick.'
So I took it to a German jeweller.
He said "Ve can fix dat," so he picked it up, shook it, looked at it with a stern face and said: "Ve haff vays to make you tock."

My dad's a clown, as was my grandad, and he asked me to carry on the tradition.

I said I'm not sure, they're pretty big shoes to fill.

Three Bears


Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair... He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots?

It was Mummy Bear who got up first.

It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.

It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.

It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away.

It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants.

It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-arses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....













I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***** PORRIDGE YET'

I've been hanging out at the gym lately.

She Who Must Be Obeyed says I should wear longer trousers.

Busted.... Whhy did I think of Mike P when I saw this???
FB_IMG_1700358357824.jpg

Wondering what to buy the little lady for Christmas?

Get her a refrigerator and see her little face light up when She opens the door!

After being married for many many years, a wife asked her husband to
describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said: "You're an
alphabet wife... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks: "What the hell does that mean?"

He said: "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy,
Gorgeous and Hot".

She smiled happily and said: "Oh, that's so lovely, but what about I, J, K?"

He said: "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

The First Customer!!
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SnapOn.jpg

OUCH! Hey, I resemble that!! 8-)