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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3361
    NTFDAY's Avatar
    NTFDAY is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Unfortunately that's not a joke, just the truth plain and simple.
    36 sedan likes this.
    Ken Thomas
    NoT FaDe AwaY and the music didn't die
    The simplest road is usually the last one sought
    Wild Willie & AA/FA's The greatest show in drag racing

  2. #3362
    36 sedan's Avatar
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    Joe Friday is turning over in his grave.
    NTFDAY likes this.

  3. #3363
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Better check the hone pattern.....
    -
    ChevyOrange.jpg
    TOW'D and 36 sedan like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  4. #3364
    NTFDAY's Avatar
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    I'd say someone got a wee bit carried away
    Ken Thomas
    NoT FaDe AwaY and the music didn't die
    The simplest road is usually the last one sought
    Wild Willie & AA/FA's The greatest show in drag racing

  5. #3365
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is online now CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached Father McCarthy with an unusual offer:

    “Look, I’ll give you $100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I’m supposed to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d just leave that out.”

    He passed Father McCarthy a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

    On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom’s vows, Father McCarthy looked the young man in the eye and said:

    “Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live? ”

    The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice,

    “Yes,” then leaned toward Father McCarthy and hissed:

    “I thought we had a deal.”

    Father McCarthy put a $100 bill into the groom’s hand and whispered:

    “She made me a better offer.”
    NTFDAY, johnboy, rspears and 1 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  6. #3366
    rspears's Avatar
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    Hee Hee Hee...
    -
    Another.jpg
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3367
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    ^^^ Ain't that the truth!
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.

  8. #3368
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    The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?” He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?” The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”
    Ken Thomas
    NoT FaDe AwaY and the music didn't die
    The simplest road is usually the last one sought
    Wild Willie & AA/FA's The greatest show in drag racing

  9. #3369
    rspears's Avatar
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    You had your chance....
    Attached Images
    Dave Severson, 34_40 and stovens like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  10. #3370
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    /\ /\ OUCH! lol /\ /\

  11. #3371
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    Last night....
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    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  12. #3372
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A Scottish Love Story.

     



    An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan fried drop scones wafting up the stairs.

    He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with even greater effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

    Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

    Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

    Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon

    She said "F**k off! They're for the funeral."

    What a beautiful love story!!
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, 34_40 and 2 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #3373
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    ...and another...

     



    A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch.

    For several minutes they sat silently. Then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, “A penny for your thoughts, Angus.”

    “Well, uh, I was thinkin.. perhaps it’s aboot time for a wee kiss.”
    The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek.
    Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

    Minutes passed and the girl spoke again. “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus?”
    “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s noo aboot time for a wee cuddle.” The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed.
    And the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch.

    After a while, she again said, “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    “Well, uh, I was thinkin’ perhaps it’s aboot time you let me put my hand on your leg.” The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed.
    Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again.

    “Another penny for your thoughts, Angus.”
    The young man glanced down with a furled brow. “Well, noo,” he said, ‘my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time.’ “Really?” said the lass in a whisper, filled with anticipation.

    “Aye,” said the lad, nodding.
    The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request.

    Then he said, “Dae ye nae think it’s aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?”
    NTFDAY, glennsexton and 36 sedan like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3374
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    And Another Parsimonious Scot..

     



    An Englishman died unexpectedly.

    His best mates were an Irishman, a Welshman and a Scotsman. A few weeks before his death the Englishman had bought tickets for them all to attend a game of football together; and the other three owed him 100 pounds each.

    At the funeral the deceased's wife gently reminded them of the debt.

    The Welshman decided it would be a nice gesture to drop a hundred in cash into the casket and did so. The Irishman saw this and did likewise.

    The Scot went over to the open casket, wrote out a cheque for 300 pounds, and took out the other two hundred in cash as his change.
    glennsexton and 36 sedan like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  15. #3375
    firebird77clone's Avatar
    firebird77clone is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I must drink too much Scotch. It sounds fine.
    johnboy likes this.
    .
    Education is expensive. Keep that in mind, and you'll never be terribly upset when a project goes awry.
    EG

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