Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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What do you get when you mix human DNA with whale DNA?


thrown out of the Vancouver Aquarium

Oh, that's cruel.

A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died. In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.

The German Shepherd said, “I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.”

“Good!” said God. “Sit at my right side.”

Then God asked, “Doberman, what do you believe in?”

The Doberman answered, “I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.”

“Aha,” said God, “you may sit on my left.”

Then God looked at the cat and asked, “And what do you believe in?”

“I believe”, replied the cat, “that you are sitting in my seat.”

??_??_??_???

I called my insurance agent -
"I hit an animal and I think my truck's totaled. Am I covered?"
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Agent - "Yes, no problem! What did you hit?"
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Me - "A FISH!"
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Ya'll know that I'm a dog lover, so this one strikes a sentimental chord with me......

A guy badly damaged his leg, and prior to going into surgery the doctor asked, "Do you have a dog?"

"Why yes I do, he's my companion and pal. Why do you ask?"

The Doc replied, "You've done a real job on that leg, and I might not be able to save it. I wondered if you would want me to save the bone for your dog?"

oldie but goodie

A guy, who was not feeling well, went to the hospital to have tests run.

Two days later, he received a call to get to the hospital as fast as he could and NOT to have contact with anyone.

Upon arrival, he was ushered to a room where everyone was in HAZMAT suits......

The lead doctor said, "Sir.....I am sorry to inform you that your tests came back and you are positive for HEADS."

The guy says, "Huh? What the hell is HEADS?

The doc says, "Well, Sir....it is a mutated virus that combines Herpes, Ebola, AIDS, Diphtheria and Syphilis..."

"Oh, Dear God!" the guy replies, "What can you do?"

The doctor says, "Just stay calm....the first thing we are going to do is get you a room all to yourself. Then, we are going to start you off with a diet of pancakes and pizza....."

The guy says, "Wait! What? Pancakes and pizza? Will that help cure me?"

"Well,.....no." says the doctor, "But, it's the only things we can slip under the damn door...."

A man on a flight to Chicago suddenly found himself having an urgent need to use the facilities. He headed back and found both men's & women's restrooms. He stood at the door to the men’s room, nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he tried the door, it was occupied. A stewardess noticed his predicament and told him, “I’ll let you use the ladies’ room, but on one condition – don’t touch the buttons on the wall!”

The man breathed a sigh of relief, slipped in and while sitting on the toilet his attention drifted to the buttons on the wall. The buttons were marked “WW, WA, PP and ATR”. Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and decided to try the buttons anyway. He carefully pressed the first button marked “WW” and immediately warm water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, “Wow, this is strangely pleasant, women really have it made!” Still curious, he pressed the button marked “WA” and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. “This is amazing!” he thought, “Men’s rooms have nothing like this!” He then pressed the button marked “PP”, which yielded a large powder puff that delicately applied a soft talc to his rear. Well, naturally he couldn’t resist the last button marked “ATR”. He pressed the button, and then everything went black.

When he woke up in the hospital, he panicked and buzzed for the nurse. When she appeared, he cried out, “What happened to me?! The last thing I remember, I was in the ladie's room on a plane!”

The nurse replied, “Yes, I’m sure you were having a great time until you pressed the ‘ATR’ button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover… Your penis is under your pillow.”

Ouch!

Must of been an AirBus-I never saw anything like that on the Boeings or Douglas planes I've flown!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by jerry clayton

Must of been an AirBus-I never saw anything like that on the Boeings or Douglas planes I've flown!!!!!!!!!

Nor any DC-9's or DC- 10's I worked on, though we did have a KLM Royal Dutch rep with his panties in a wad when he found instructions in Arabic in the lavatory of a DC-9 being readied for the flight line

Originally Posted by jerry clayton

Must of been an AirBus-I never saw anything like that on the Boeings or Douglas planes I've flown!!!!!!!!!

Originally Posted by NTFDAY

Nor any DC-9's or DC- 10's I worked on, though we did have a KLM Royal Dutch rep with his panties in a wad when he found instructions in Arabic in the lavatory of a DC-9 being readied for the flight line

Maybe why it's on a JOKE Page?

No-probably just hadn't passed the FAA rule making process-----after the group of the seat warmers come up with something it used to have to published for several weeks for comments from the field---------soooo, on the American stuff, that was missing--------but I also can't remember separate rest rooms for male/females------how could you join the mile high club if you had separate potties???????

If it wouldn't mess up the Joke Page, which it'll do anyway, I'm tempted to reply, "WAIT A MINUTE!! Are you saying that you actually flew commercial jets, like a real PILE-IT?? The guy the sexy stewardesses swooned over, dropping their panties crying "Take me!, Take me you amazing gift to all mankind!"? You were THAT guy?"

Yep, be careful what you ask for!
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Beep beep!!
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