Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree3692Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 235 of 242 FirstFirst ... 135 185 225 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 LastLast
Results 3,511 to 3,525 of 3626
  1. #3511
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    The Germans are crazy on sausages. They even have a sausage made from other sausages.

    It's the wurst of the wurst.
    40FordDeluxe likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #3512
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    Past, present, and future

     



    all walk into a bar together.

    Things got a bit tense.
    stovens and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  3. #3513
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Petaluma
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 Ford F1
    Posts
    9,715

    Johnboy we call that PUNishment!
    NTFDAY, johnboy, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  4. #3514
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    What does a subatomic duck say?

    Quark!
    NTFDAY and 40FordDeluxe like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #3515
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    The proposal.

     



    Louie and Rose lived in an old folks' retirement community, he a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years.
    One evening there was a community supper in the big activity center. The two were at the same table, across from one another.
    As the meal went on, Louie took a few admiring glances at Rose and finally gathered the courage to ask her: “Will you marry me?”
    After about six seconds of ‘careful consideration,’ she answered “Yes. Yes, I will.”
    The meal ended and, with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective places.
    Next morning, Louie was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember. Try as he might, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory.
    With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called Rose. First, he explained that he didn’t remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he inquired, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
    He was delighted to hear Rose say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, yes I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”

    Then she continued, “I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me.
    NTFDAY, glennsexton, 34_40 and 3 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  6. #3516
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    New Bedford
    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
    Posts
    14,402

    JB, that one is becoming all to true! Funny! but true..
    NTFDAY likes this.

  7. #3517
    JOATMON's Avatar
    JOATMON is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Between N.O.& B.R.
    Car Year, Make, Model: 8 and a boat '57-'18
    Posts
    83

    ^^^^^Reminded me of this old but good one. Warning: It has one colorful word in it.
    https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/commen...adio_this_was/
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.
    It's All Good

  8. #3518
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor CHR Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,505

    A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeep says, "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?"

    The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence.

    See, the joke is about Dscartes' famous philosophy of 'I think; therefore, I am', but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse.
    NTFDAY, johnboy, JOATMON and 1 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  9. #3519
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    711

    another oldie but goodie
    An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

    As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been?

    Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

    Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

    While he was in the bath, the phone rang.

    The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.

    Wright would not be hanged tonight.

    Finally realising what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

    As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

    'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

    He whirled around and screamed,


    'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'
    NTFDAY, johnboy, 34_40 and 2 others like this.

  10. #3520
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor CHR Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,505

    My wife and I went through the McDonald's driveway window and I gave the cashier a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter.
    She said,
    "You gave me too much money."

    I said,
    "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar back."

    She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said,
    "We're sorry but we don’t do that kind of thing."

    The cashier then proceeded to give me back 75 cents in change. Do not confuse the people at MacD's.

    We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower.
    He shook his head and said,
    "You need a 1/4 horsepower."

    I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4 and he said,
    "NOOO, it's not. Four is larger than two."

    We haven't used that repairman since....

    I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local city council office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road.

    The reason: 'Too many deers are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'

    My daughter went to a Mexican fast food and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

    I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked,
    "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"

    To which I replied,
    "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"

    He smiled knowingly and nodded,
    "That's why we ask."

    The pedestrian light on the corner beeps when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an 'intellectually challenged' co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the beeper was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red.
    Appalled, she responded,
    "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

    She is a government employee.

    When my wife and I arrived at a car dealership to pick up our car after a service, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

    "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!"

    His reply,
    "I know. I already did that side."


    STAY ALERT! - They walk among us, they breed, and they vote…....
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, johnboy and 2 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  11. #3521
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    Three weeks ago I sent my hearing aid in for maintenance.

    I haven't heard a word back.
    NTFDAY, 34_40 and JOATMON like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  12. #3522
    NTFDAY's Avatar
    NTFDAY is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Springfield
    Car Year, Make, Model: '66 Mustang, 76 Corvette
    Posts
    5,207

    Like John Wayne said "Life's tough and it's tougher if you're stupid".
    JOATMON likes this.
    Ken Thomas
    NoT FaDe AwaY and the music didn't die
    The simplest road is usually the last one sought
    Wild Willie & AA/FA's The greatest show in drag racing

  13. #3523
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,437

    A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
    The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
    Weightlifters, arm wrestlers, they all tried and lost the bet.
    Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said, “I'd like to take on the bet."
    After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay", grabbed a lemon and squeezed away.
    Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
    But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....six drops fell into the glass.
    As the barman paid the $1000 bet, he asked "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker, a weight-lifter, or what?"

    The little man quietly replied: "I work for the Tax Department...”
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3524
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Petaluma
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 Ford F1
    Posts
    9,715

    Ain't that the sad truth! LOL
    JOATMON likes this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  15. #3525
    Dave Severson is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Madison
    Car Year, Make, Model: '67 Ranchero, '57 Chevy, '82 Camaro,
    Posts
    21,103

    A Catholic nun jumped into a cab, told the cabbie her destination and off they went. About 10 minutes into the ride, the cabbie said, "I've always wanted to kiss a nun, would it be possible to give you a little kiss?" The nun thought about it for awhile and told the cabbie he could, but only if he met two conditions. She asked him if he was single and if he was catholic, the cabbie said yes to both questions. He pulled the cab over to the curb and the nun laid a kiss on him that was enough to curl his toenails! He started driving again and told the nun, "I have to confess, I'm not really single and I'm not really catholic". The nun responded, "That's ok, I'm not really a nun, my name is Steve and I'm on my way to a Halloween party". Moral of the story, be careful what you wish for!
    Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, Live for Today!
    Carroll Shelby

    Learning must be difficult for those who already know it all!!!!

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink