Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2672Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 170 of 226 FirstFirst ... 70 120 160 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 180 220 ... LastLast
Results 2,536 to 2,550 of 3376
  1. #2536
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    I refuse to purchase a Webster's Dictionary because, as soon as I do, they will release the "Movie" !
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  2. #2537
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    FACT: 69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
    Rrumbler and lamin8r like this.

  3. #2538
    Rrumbler is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Las Vegas
    Car Year, Make, Model: Sans hot rod, sold the truck.
    Posts
    1,207

    That's pretty sneaky, Mr. Duck.
    lamin8r and Mudduck3 like this.
    Rrumbler, Aka: Hey you, "Old School", Hairy, and other unsavory monickers.

    Twistin' and bangin' on stuff for about sixty or so years; beat up and busted, but not entirely dead - yet.

  4. #2539
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating."

    The teacher says, "No, I said, 'fascinate.'"

    Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life."

    The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate."

    Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

  5. #2540
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    Another Lil' Johnny Joke . . .


    Little Johnny asks his father for a $200 bicycle for his birthday.

    Johnny's father says, "We have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and I just got laid off! There won't be a $200 bike this year."

    Two days later, Little Johnny walks out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. His father asks him why he's leaving.

    Johnny says, "Early this morning, I was walking past your room, and I heard you tell Mommy that you were pulling out, and Mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and I'll be damned if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"


  6. #2541
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    As we slowly move through retirement, we need to keep ourselves occupied with small projects.........Like this guy.





    I know, I saw it right away too.... No safety glasses or hearing protection.

    And I caught something else that is really important: he has no gloves on.

    I might be up in age but I am still sharp as a tack.
    glennsexton and Jack F like this.
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  7. #2542
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    O.K. . . . One more, then Lil' Johnny's gotta go home!!


    Little Johnny walks in on his parents having sex and asks, "What are you doing?"

    His father says, "We're playing cards, and your mother is my wild card."

    A week later, Little Johnny walks in on his father masturbating. He asks, "What are you doing?"

    His father says, "I'm playing cards."

    "Where's your wild card?" Johnny asks.

    His father replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

  8. #2543
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    648

    Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.

    One old lady turns to the other and asks, "Do you still get horny?"

    The other replies, "Oh sure I do."

    The first old lady asks, "What do you do about It?"

    The second old lady replies, "I suck a lifesaver."

    After a few moments, the first old lady asks, "Who drives you to the beach?"

  9. #2544
    Jack F's Avatar
    Jack F is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Caldwell
    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 ford 3 window/461 pontiac
    Posts
    903

    Little Jimmy tells his little sister Betty one morning: "we almost lost mommy last night. I heard some loud moaning coming from mommy and daddy's bedroom so I went in, there was mommy with her arms and legs up in the air screaming 'Lord I'm coming I'm coming', if it wern't for daddy holding her down we'd have lost her for sure"

    Jack.
    www.clubhotrod.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44081

  10. #2545
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    648

    On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.

    In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

    This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 40 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

    Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state.

    During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.

    It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.

    Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than forty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which was worth over $2 million, and informed him that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

    She explained that for more than three decades she had 'charged' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results of her savings and investments.

    Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he found his voice and blurted out, 'If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!'

    That's when she shot him.

    You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths shut

    Women are like phones: They like to be held, talked to, and touched often. But push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

    __________________
    johnboy likes this.

  11. #2546
    HOSS429's Avatar
    HOSS429 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    New Market
    Posts
    2,395

    three birds are sitting on a power line .. bird # 1 says " my instincts tell me to head south for the winter .... bird # 2 says " my instincts tell me to head west for the winter ... bird # 3 says ..." my end stinks to but it dont tell me to go nowhere !!
    iv`e used up all my sick days at work .. can i call in dead ?

  12. #2547
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Petaluma
    Car Year, Make, Model: 48 Ford F1
    Posts
    9,505

    Got this one in an Email.



    lamin8r and Jack F like this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  13. #2548
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    I just received my sale papers today (whoopie - NOT)

    Anyhow, I particularly noticed this Ad from Kroger Foods.

    Either this "donor" pig ran into a brick wall and met his fate

    or stopped "way too fast" at one time or another.

    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  14. #2549
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    One time a couple of World War II veterans, Dwayne and Lonnie, were attending a Reunion and Dwayne asked Lonnie.
    "Do you remember that stuff they used to put in our coffee during the War, to make us forget about women?"
    Lonnie replied "I think you mean salt peter."
    Dwayne answered, "Yep, that's the stuff. Well, I think it's finally beginning to work!"
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  15. #2550
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,188

    Ollie bumps into his long lost friend Sven on the streets of Poulsbo. After greeting each other warmly Ollie asks “So now Sven, how is your lovely vife Greetta?” to which Sven replies, “Oh my vife – she’s died.”

    “No!” exclaims Ollie. “From vhat did she die?” “Well,” say’s Sven, “she died from the gongarea.”

    “No vhay! This is America and no von dies from the gongaria!” protests Ollie.

    “Well – dey do vhen dey give it to me…..”
    34_40, lamin8r and Jack F like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink