Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2675Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 202 of 226 FirstFirst ... 102 152 192 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 212 ... LastLast
Results 3,016 to 3,030 of 3376
  1. #3016
    36 sedan's Avatar
    36 sedan is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    american canyon
    Car Year, Make, Model: 36 Ford Sedan, 23 T Bucket
    Posts
    1,356

    i must admit, I was expecting it to be dog bitten by them trying to get the kibble from your pockets. I like yours better!

  2. #3017
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
    Posts
    9,516

    Quite frankly, Auto Correct, I'm getting very tired of your SHIRT!!!
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  3. #3018
    36 sedan's Avatar
    36 sedan is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Location
    american canyon
    Car Year, Make, Model: 36 Ford Sedan, 23 T Bucket
    Posts
    1,356

    I dibble that emotion!!!
    stovens likes this.

  4. #3019
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    9MM.jpg
    !!!!!!!!!!
    Rrumbler, 34_40, stovens and 2 others like this.

  5. #3020
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    For those with an Iphone, type in Lardass and see what the auto correction is.....Your welcome!!

  6. #3021
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
    Posts
    9,516

    Quote Originally Posted by Mudduck3 View Post
    For those with an Iphone, type in Lardass and see what the auto correction is.....Your welcome!!
    Don't know about the iPhone, but the Android offers "Kardashian", or "Kardashian's" as options.... Gotta love it!
    TooMany2count and Jack F like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3022
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Food or Sex?

     



    It was a practical session in the psychology class. The professor showed a large cage with a male rat in it. The rat was in the middle of the cage. Then, the professor kept a piece of cake on one side and kept a female rat on the other side. The male rat ran towards the cake and ate it. Then, the professor changed the cake and replaced it with some bread. The male rat ran towards the bread. This experiment went on with the professor changing the food every time. And, every time, the male rat ran towards the food item and never towards the female rat. Professor said: This experiment shows that food is the greatest strength and attraction.



    Then, one of the students from the back rows said: "Sir, why don't you change the female rat? She may be his wife!"
    34_40 and lamin8r like this.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  8. #3023
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,193

    A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist that was speeding down Main Street

    “But, officer,” the man began, “I can explain”

    “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.”

    “But, officer, I just wanted to say”

    “And I told you to keep your yap shut! You’re going to jail!”

    A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, “Lucky for you that the chief’s at his daughter’s wedding. He’ll be in a great mood when he gets back.”

    “Don’t count on it,” answered the fellow in the cell. “I’m the groom.”
    Rrumbler, 34_40, rspears and 2 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  9. #3024
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Tigard
    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
    Posts
    2,193

    During a break between meetings, a man calls home on his cell phone. He’s across the country and the connection is not the greatest, but after several rings a small girl answers.

    “Hello?”

    “Hi honey. This is daddy. Is you mommy near the phone?”

    "No daddy. She’s upstairs in your bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

    After a brief pause, he says, “Honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.”

    “Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs with mommy in your bedroom right now.”

    After another brief pause daddy continues, “Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy that daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.”

    “Okay daddy, just a minute.”

    A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.

    “I did it daddy.”

    “And what happened honey?” he asked.

    “Well, mommy got all scared and jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming. Then she tripped on the rug and hit her head on the dresser and now she isn’t moving at all!”

    “Oh my gracious!! What about Uncle Paul?”

    “He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on too. He was all scared and jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn’t know that you took all the water out of the pool last week to clean the bottom. He hit his head and I think he’s dead!”

    “Ummm – swimming pool? Is this 206-597-5379?”
    rspears, stovens and lamin8r like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  10. #3025
    Jack F's Avatar
    Jack F is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Caldwell
    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 ford 3 window/461 pontiac
    Posts
    903

    I think someone in Seattle will be getting a lot of strange calls.


    Jack.
    Rrumbler likes this.
    www.clubhotrod.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44081

  11. #3026
    42K3's Avatar
    42K3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Aug 2006
    Location
    Redmond
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1942 IH K3
    Posts
    507

    I phoned up a really gorgeous ex-girlfriend of mine the other day. We lost
    track of time, chatting about the wild nights we used to enjoy together. I
    couldn't BELIEVE it when she asked if I'd like to meet up and maybe
    rekindle a little of that magic.

    "Wow!" I said "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now! I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"

    She giggled and said that she loves older bald guys these days.

    "Yeah," I added, "And just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistband
    that's a few inches wider these days!"

    She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me, saying she
    thought tubby bald men were cute!

    "Anyway", she said, "I've put on a couple of pounds myself!"

    So I hung up.

  12. #3027
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    648

    I was listening to the radio this morning, and the weather service was giving a pre-storm warning that anyone traveling in icy or blizzard conditions should take:

    - Shovel, blankets or sleeping bag
    - Extra clothing including scarf, hat and gloves
    - 24 hours supply of food and drink
    - A can of De-icer
    - 5 lbs of rock salt
    - Flashlight with spare batteries
    - Road flares and reflective triangles
    - Tow rope
    - 5 gallons of gas in can
    - First aid kit
    - Jumper cables

    I felt like a complete idiot getting on the bus.....
    lamin8r likes this.

  13. #3028
    fitzwilly's Avatar
    fitzwilly is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    FLUSHING, MICHIGAN
    Car Year, Make, Model: 59 FORD FAIRLANE 500 GALAXIE
    Posts
    207

    Romance


    Barb was lying in bed one night. Al was falling asleep but Barb
    was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

    She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting.

    " Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and
    tried to get back to sleep.
    A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me...
    " Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the
    cheek and settled down to sleep.

    Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..."
    Angrily, Al threw back the bed covers and got out of bed.
    "Where are you going?" Barb asked..
    "To get my teeth!"

    DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER

    80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home.
    She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, "Anyone who can
    guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!"

    An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?
    Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

    OLD FRIENDS
    Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
    Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities
    and adventures. Lately, their activities had been
    limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day,
    they were playing cards when one looked at the other and
    said, "Now don't get mad at me... I know we've been friends
    for a long time but I just can't think of your name. I've thought
    and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

    Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared
    and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"

    SENIOR DRIVING

    Vernon, a senior citizen was driving down the freeway,
    his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his
    wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard
    on the news that there's a car going the wrong
    way on I-25. Please be careful!"

    Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

    SUPERSEX

    A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down
    the halls in a nursing home. As she ran, she would flip up the hem
    of her nightgown and say "Supersex."
    She ran up to an elderly man in a wheelchair, flipping her gown at him,
    she said, "Supersex."
    He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered,

    "I'll take the soup."

    DRIVING

    Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely
    see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to
    major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on
    through.
    The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing
    it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few
    more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was
    red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger
    seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really
    concerned that she was losing it.

    She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was
    red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and
    said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in
    a row? You could have killed us both!"
    Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

    Please!!!! Friends, tell me this won't happen to us !!!!
    lamin8r likes this.

  14. #3029
    Kiwidreamer's Avatar
    Kiwidreamer is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Tauranga
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1960 Lincoln Premier
    Posts
    361

    I woke up to go to the toilet in the middle of the night and I noticed a
    Radical Muslim, sneaking through my next door neighbor's garden.
    Suddenly my neighbor came from nowhere and smacked him over the
    head with a shovel, killing him instantly.
    He then dug a grave and put the body in it and covered it. Astonished,
    I got back into bed.
    My wife said, “You're shaking, what is it?”
    "You'll never believe what I've just seen," I said, "that son of a bitch
    next door still has my shovel!"

    A Muslim woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
    "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"
    The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says
    to a man next to her, "The driver just insulted me!"
    The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll
    hold your monkey for you."

    Arab scientists have invented a time-travel device that can transport
    an entire country back to the middle ages.
    They're calling it “Islam.”

    A guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.
    The guy behind the counter says, "Male or female?"
    The customer says, "Female"
    The counter guy asks, "Black, White or Asian?"
    The customer says, "White"
    The counter guy asks, "Christian or Muslim?"
    The customer says, "What the hell does religion have to do with it?"
    The counter guy says, "The Muslim one blows itself up!"

    Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns a camel and a goat?
    A. Bisexual.

    Q. How do Muslims practice safe sex?
    A. They mark the camels that kick.

    Q. What do you call a Muslim who owns 6 goats?
    A. A pimp.

  15. #3030
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe
    Posts
    9,516

    Really Too True For The Joke Page.....

     



    This is actually too close to reality to be funny, except the slices for meaningful work are too big.....

    shop time.jpg
    34_40, Jack F and 36 sedan like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink