Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A young lad named Richard from outback Queensland goes off to University, but halfway through the semester he foolishly has squandered all of his money.

He calls home. 'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing. They actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue into that program?'

'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young Jackaroo says, 'and I'll get him into the course.'

So .... his father sends the dog and $2,000.

**About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out.*

*The boy calls home. 'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.

'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm. But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

'Just send $4,500. I'll get him into the class.'

The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read. So he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news.*

*Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Financial Review. Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, 'So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?''

The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'

'I sure did, Dad!'

'That's my boy!'

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer.
__________________

Five Year Old Son


Bob was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily.
“What’s up Bob?” asked the bartender …
It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.”

“It’s my five year old son …” Bob replied.

“Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school?
– my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,”
Said the bartender, sympathetically.


“ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that.

The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbour pregnant.”

“Get away, that’s impossible!” gasped the bartender.


“It’s not,” said the man. "The little bastard stuck a pin in all my condoms.”

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience.

She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action.. as it gallops along at its steady and rhythmic pace, the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.

In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but despite her best efforts, slides down the horse's flanks.

The horse continues to gallop along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety.

Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup.

She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground time and time again.

As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune, Frank, the Woolworth's trolley boy, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.

A guy begins dating a beautiful woman and really begins to fall for her. But he is a little disturbed about a quirk she has.....she's always grabbing his *****. When they go out to eat, she reaches under the table and touches his crotch. In church she grabs his *********. When he's visiting his family with, she cops a feel whenever she can.

Still, the man loves this women, so one night after making love he says, "Ya know, I feel very strongly about you. I get a lot of positive vibes about our relationship and I'd like to take it to the next level. But I have a question for you.....why are you always touching my *****?"

Says the girl, "Because I miss mine."

Originally Posted by HOSS429

A guy begins dating a beautiful woman and really begins to fall for her. But he is a little disturbed about a quirk she has.....she's always grabbing his *****. When they go out to eat, she reaches under the table and touches his crotch. In church she grabs his *********. When he's visiting his family with, she cops a feel whenever she can.

Still, the man loves this women, so one night after making love he says, "Ya know, I feel very strongly about you. I get a lot of positive vibes about our relationship and I'd like to take it to the next level. But I have a question for you.....why are you always touching my *****?"

Says the girl, "Because I miss mine."

Originally Posted by Rrumbler

DITTO! roflmfao!

Originally Posted by Rrumbler

Aaaaahhhhh,,shock,,horror... heheheheee.......