Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2715Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 179 of 226 FirstFirst ... 79 129 169 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 189 ... LastLast
Results 2,671 to 2,685 of 3387
  1. #2671
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    An Indian, a Muslim and an Australian were walking together on a Queensland beach when the Indian stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and........ a Genie appeared!

    "I can only grant 3 wishes," the Genie said. "Since there are 3 of
    you, you may have one wish apiece"

    Pointing at the Indian, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish."

    The Indian said, "I wish for enough aircraft to take all my peoples back to our homeland!"

    Poof! It was done! Row after row of aircraft filled the sky.

    The Muslim said, "I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve the Prophet Allah."

    Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

    Turning to the Australian, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?"

    The Aussie watched as the loaded aircraft began moving toward the runway, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

    He said, "Look, just give me a cold beer. It really doesn't get any better
    than this!"
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  2. #2672
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
    She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
    The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
    She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
    The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?" She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
    Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub." He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."

  3. #2673
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    An old woman buys herself some bright red crotchless panties and goes home to surprise her husband.

    When her husband comes home, she calls him into the bedroom and points to her new panties. "Hey old timer," she says, "come and get some of this!"

    The old man says, "Hell no, woman. It done ate a hole in your drawers!"

  4. #2674
    lamin8r's Avatar
    lamin8r is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Inglewood
    Car Year, Make, Model: 60 F100 truck
    Posts
    6,339

    Quote Originally Posted by RestoRod View Post
    An Indian, a Muslim and an Australian were walking together on a Queensland beach when the Indian stumbled over a bottle in the sand. He picked up the bottle, rubbed the sand off it, and........ a Genie appeared!

    "I can only grant 3 wishes," the Genie said. "Since there are 3 of
    you, you may have one wish apiece"

    Pointing at the Indian, he said, "Since you found the bottle, you may have the first wish."

    The Indian said, "I wish for enough aircraft to take all my peoples back to our homeland!"

    Poof! It was done! Row after row of aircraft filled the sky.

    The Muslim said, "I wish for a hundred thousand camels to take all of my people away from this horrible country loaded with infidels so we can live in peace in Muslim countries and serve the Prophet Allah."

    Poof! It was done! A hundred thousand camels suddenly appeared on the beach.

    Turning to the Australian, the Genie asked, "And what is your wish?"

    The Aussie watched as the loaded aircraft began moving toward the runway, then he looked at all of the Muslims getting on top of the camels and riding off.

    He said, "Look, just give me a cold beer. It really doesn't get any better
    than this!"
    HELP,,somebody,,,help me find that genie.. hahahaaa
    Micah 6:8

    If we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks,,,WHY is there a light in the refrigerator???

    Robin.

  5. #2675
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

    A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night.



    The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son.


    The son says, Okay, Okay. I was at a friend's house watching movies.

    Dad asks, “What movie did you watch?”
    Son says, Toy Story." The robot slaps the son.
    Son says, Okay, Okay, we were watching porn

    Dad says, What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was. The robot slaps the father.
    Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son”. The robot slaps the mother.


    The robot is now for sale.
    t-top havoc likes this.

  6. #2676
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    THE GUNFIGHTER
    A young cowboy sitting in a saloon one Saturday night recognized an elderly man standing at the bar who, in his day, had been the fastest gun in the West.

    The cowboy took a place next to the old-timer, bought him a drink and told him of his great ambition to be a great shot... ‘Could you give me some tips?' he asked.

    The old man said, 'Well, for one thing, you're wearing your gun too high - tie the holster a little lower down on your leg.'


    'Will that make me a better gunfighter?'...... 'Sure will '


    The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot the bow tie off the piano player.

    'That's terrific!' said the cowboy. 'Got any more tips?'

    'Yep,' said the old man. 'Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it - that’ll give you a smoother draw'

    'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.

    'You bet it will,' said the old-timer.

    The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and then shot a cufflink off the piano player.

    'Wow!' exclaimed the cowboy 'I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?'

    The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. 'See that axle grease over there? Coat your gun with it.'

    The young man smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun.

    'No,' said the old-timer, 'I mean smear it all over the gun, handle and all.'

    'Will that make me a better gunfighter?' asked the young man.




    'No,' said the old-timer, 'but when Wyatt Earp gets done playing the piano, he's gonna shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much...




    .
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  7. #2677
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With .25 Caliber Pistol

     




    This is a story of self control and marksmanship. A woman survived a grizzly bear attack with one well placed shot from her itsy bitsy .25 caliber Beretta Jetfire.


    These are her own words.:

    While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend, we were surprised when a huge grizzly bear came charging at us out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive.

    If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire I would not be here today! I yanked it out of my purse and fired one shot. It hit my boyfriend in his kneecap and the bear caught him easily. While the grizzly mauled the poor cripple, I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. I love that pistol. I'll find other boyfriends.


    .

    Rrumbler and 34_40 like this.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  8. #2678
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight.

    While en route home, he asks the cabbie if he would be a witness.

    The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act.




    For $100 tip, in addition to the cab fare from the Toronto airport, the cabbie agrees.

    Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabbie tiptoe into the bedroom.




    The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man!



    The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head.

    The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money.



    HE paid for the Corvette I gave you!
    HE paid for our new Mercedes Benz convertible!
    HE paid for your Maple Leafs season tickets!
    HE paid for your Argo season tickets!
    HE paid for our cottage in the Muskoka’s!
    HE paid for our speed boat!
    HE paid for your country club membership and HE even pays for your monthly dues!!!'

    Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun.




    He looks over at the cabbie and says, 'What would you do?'

    The cabbie replies,




    'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches a cold… and give him back the Leafs tickets!'


    MelloYello likes this.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  9. #2679
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    A man calls home to give the wife some bad news.

    "Honey it's me. I don't want to alarm you but I was hit by a car as I was leaving the office. Paula brought me to the hospital."

    "They've checked me over and have done some tests and some x-rays."

    "The blow to my head was pretty severe; fortunately, it did not cause any serious internal injury. However, I have three broken ribs, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they think they may have to amputate my right foot."

    Wife’s Response:

    "Who the hell is Paula?
    RestoRod likes this.
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  10. #2680
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Ear Infection

    This is so true!
    They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you have to answer in front of others what is wrong and sometimes it is embarrassing.

    There is nothing worse than a Doctor's Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients.


    I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.
    A 65-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk.
    The Receptionist said, 'Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?'
    'There's something wrong with my dick', he replied.
    The receptionist became irritated and said, 'You shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that. '
    'Why not, you asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.
    The Receptionist replied; 'Now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.'
    The man replied, 'You shouldn't ask people questions in a roomful of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone. The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then re-entered.

    The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes??'
    'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.

    The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.. 'And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?'
    'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.
    The waiting room erupted in laughter...


    Mess with seniors, and you're going to lose.
    YOU KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING!




    Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance



    Mudduck3 likes this.
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  11. #2681
    MelloYello's Avatar
    MelloYello is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Montgomery
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1962 Ford Fairlane 2dr with 289
    Posts
    9,934

    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  12. #2682
    lamin8r's Avatar
    lamin8r is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Inglewood
    Car Year, Make, Model: 60 F100 truck
    Posts
    6,339

    I had a guy come to the front door yesterday,,asking if we could make a contribution to the Pakistani floods..I told him,,''Sorry,,my hose only goes to the end of the driveway''
    Kiwidreamer likes this.
    Micah 6:8

    If we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks,,,WHY is there a light in the refrigerator???

    Robin.

  13. #2683
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, a husband and wife were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
    The painting depicted three black men totally naked, sitting on a bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.


    The curator of the gallery realized that they were having troubleinterpreting the painting and offered his personal assessment.
    He went on for over half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of African Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society.
    'In fact', he pointed out, 'some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society'.

    After the curator left, an Irishman approached the couple and said,'Would you like to know what the painting is really about?'
    'Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery?’, asked the couple.
    'Because I am the artist, who painted the picture,' he replied.
    'In fact, there are no African Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.'


    .
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  14. #2684
    fitzwilly's Avatar
    fitzwilly is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    FLUSHING, MICHIGAN
    Car Year, Make, Model: 59 FORD FAIRLANE 500 GALAXIE
    Posts
    207

    I was visiting my granddaughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

    "This is the 21st century," she said. " We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad."

    I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
    Rrumbler and t-top havoc like this.

  15. #2685
    Mudduck3's Avatar
    Mudduck3 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Long Beach
    Car Year, Make, Model: 65 Mustang
    Posts
    98

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink