Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree2705Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 19 of 226 FirstFirst ... 9 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 29 69 119 ... LastLast
Results 271 to 285 of 3383
  1. #271
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    654

    Thumbs up

     



    Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cattle, the rancher says to Amy,

    "The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"

    So the rancher leaves for the fields.

    After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along long row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one. . . right here."



    Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "How did you know this is the cow to be bred?"



    "That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains.



    Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

    "I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away!

    hank

  2. #272
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    654

    Tom did like he always does, kissing his wife, crawling into bed and falling to sleep. All of a sudden, he wakes up with an elderly man dressed in a white robe standing in front of his bed.

    "What the hell are you doing in my bedroom?...and who are you?" he asked.

    "This is not your bedroom," the man replied, "I am St. Peter, and you are in heaven."

    "WHAT! Are you saying I'm dead? I don't want to die! I'm too young," said Tom. "I want you to send me back immediately."

    "It's not that easy", said St.Peter. "You can only return as a dog or a hen. The choice is your own."

    Tom thought about it for a while, and figured out that being a dog is too tiring, but a hen probably has a nice and relaxed life. Running around with a rooster can't be that bad. "I want to return as a hen," Tom replied., and in the next second, he found himself in a chicken run, really nicely feathered. But now he felt like his rear end was gonna blow.

    Then along came the rooster. "Hey, you must be the new hen St. Peter told me about," he said. "How do you like being a hen?"

    "Well, OK I guess, but it feels like my ass is about to explode."

    "Oh that!" said the rooster. "That's only the ovulation going on. You need to lay an egg."

    "How do I do that?" Tom asked.

    "Cluck twice, and then you push all you can."

    Tom clucked twice and pushed more than he was good for, and then 'plop' an egg was on the ground. "Wow" Tom said.

    "That felt really good!" So he clucked again and squeezed. And you better believe that there was yet another egg on the ground.

    The third time he clucked, he heard his wife shout: "Tom, Wake up! You're sh*ttin' all over the bed!"

  3. #273
    Oldf100fordman's Avatar
    Oldf100fordman is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2004
    Location
    Anita
    Car Year, Make, Model: 55 Ford F100 w/390,
    Posts
    1,097

    Originally posted by TOW'D


    "I guess it's to hang your pants on," she tells him as she walks away!

    hank
    TOW'D that was fantastic. I'd never heard that one ever before. Hehehehehehehe
    Duane S
    ____________________________________
    On a quiet night you can hear a Chevy rust

  4. #274
    DennyW is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    outahere
    Posts
    1,103


  5. #275
    DennyW is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    outahere
    Posts
    1,103

    Be careful what you tell the wife !
    Last edited by DennyW; 03-12-2007 at 10:57 PM.

  6. #276
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Why Computers Sometimes Crash! by Dr. Seuss.

    If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort, and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

    If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash, then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

    If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol, that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall. And your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse; then you may as well reboot it all and go out with a bang, 'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang.

    When the copy on your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk, and macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you'll have to flash the memory, you'll want to RAM your ROM, and then turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!



    Well, that certainly clears things up for me. How about you?



    Thank you, Bill Gates, for bringing all this into our lives

  7. #277
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Irish Gas Station


    Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "Top o' the mornin to ya."
    As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket. "So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.
    "They're called tees," replied Tiger.
    "And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman.
    "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.
    "Aw, Jesus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant.
    "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything!"

  8. #278
    53 Chevy5's Avatar
    53 Chevy5 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Doon, Ia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 53 Chevy 3100
    Posts
    2,140

    Dr. Ruth

     



    Attached Images
    Seth

    God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S.Lewis

  9. #279
    DennyW is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    outahere
    Posts
    1,103


  10. #280
    Rook's Avatar
    Rook is offline Registered User Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Bellleville
    Car Year, Make, Model: 99 Silverado...and maybe a 52 chevy p/u
    Posts
    1

    cant believe i just read all these lmao, awesome jokes.
    -Rich
    99 Silverado Reg Cab Short bed Stepside, Z71 susp. Intake and Dynomax Bullet muffler dumped before teh axle.
    Lookin for an old P/u 30's-50's

  11. #281
    53 Chevy5's Avatar
    53 Chevy5 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Location
    Doon, Ia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 53 Chevy 3100
    Posts
    2,140

    Originally posted by DennyW
    Be careful what you tell the wife !
    , that may be the funniest thing i ever read
    Seth

    God cannot give us a happiness and peace apart from Himself, because it is not there. There is no such thing. C.S.Lewis

  12. #282
    Her58Biscayne's Avatar
    Her58Biscayne is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Adelaide Australia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 58 Chevy Biscayne
    Posts
    11

    A drunk man, who smelled like beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest.

    The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the man turned to the priest and asked "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"
    The priest replied, "My Son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; contempt for your fellow man; sleeping around with prostitutes; and lack of bathing."

    The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," then returned to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"
    The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

  13. #283
    Her58Biscayne's Avatar
    Her58Biscayne is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Adelaide Australia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 58 Chevy Biscayne
    Posts
    11

    Subject: Virgins all over again ! ! !

    A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch.

    Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said "How bad is it doc?.....I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin - in every way." The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon. That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts. She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these." He immediately drops his pants and replies, ......
    "Look at this, ...still in the CRATE!"

  14. #284
    Her58Biscayne's Avatar
    Her58Biscayne is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Adelaide Australia
    Car Year, Make, Model: 58 Chevy Biscayne
    Posts
    11

    Another bloke is on the golf course when he too is hit by a golf ball,

    He doubled over clutching his fists into his crotch area, when a woman runs over from a group just about to tee off,

    shouting 'I am a registered nurse, let me help you' she immediatly undoes his zip and starts to massage

    his privates. 'There how is that, does it feel any better?'

    He answered 'Oh that is absolute bliss; but it was actually my thumb that got hit.'

  15. #285
    RestoRod's Avatar
    RestoRod is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    In the Boonies of Ontario
    Car Year, Make, Model: 40 Graham Sharknose :58 MGA/Ford V6
    Posts
    1,307

    Genie

    A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if
    she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a
    storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did
    not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I
    want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the
    Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about
    world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady,
    be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm
    out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years. I'm good but
    not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be
    reasonable."

    The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find
    the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and
    help with the house cleaning, is great in bed, and gets along with my
    family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I
    wish for...a good man."

    The genie let out a sigh and said,

    "Let me see the f___ing map again.

Reply To Thread
Page 19 of 226 FirstFirst ... 9 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 29 69 119 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink