Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

In Washington, D.C. an old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years he had
faithfully served the people of the nation's capital and was well known
among the elected officials. He motioned for his nurse to come near.

"Yes, Father?" said the nurse.

"I would really like to see President Obama and Senator Reid before I die,"
whispered the priest.

"I'll see what I can do, Father," replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the President and Congress and waited for a
response.

Soon the word arrived; President Obama and Harry Reid would be delighted to
visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, Obama commented to Reid, "I don't know why the
old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.

Reid agreed that it was a good thing.

When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Obama's hand in his
right hand and Reid's hand in his left hand. There was silence and a look of
serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally President Obama spoke. "Father, of all the people you could have
chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?

The old priest slowly replied, "I have always tried to pattern my life after
our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ."

"Amen", said Obama. "Amen", said Reid.

The old priest continued, "Jesus died between two lying thieves; I would like to do the same."

So, there was this Doctor that invented a serum that once injected could make you live indefinitely.
He had, so far, been experimenting on aquatic mammals like dolphins and small whales, etc
Pretty neat stuff. It was made from the antibodies in, of all things, seagull blood.
So, the Doc is at the beach collecting traps full of the sea birds when a Lion escapes from the State zoo across the street from his lab and after prowling around for awhile decides to go to sleep right in the doorway of the lab.
So, upon returning, the doc sees the beast asleep and then considers the fact that seagull blood is fairly perishable so, waiting for the Lion to drift further into slumber land, he picks his moment and steps over sleeping beast and safely into the lab.

Where upon the State Police who were waiting for him in the lab grabbed him and arrested him and took him into central booking where he was charged with the violation of the Mann act which, of course, prohibits:

Taking Gulls across a State Lion for Immortal Porpoises.

A woman was having sex with her husband's best friend and the phone rang. She answered it and then said "OK, see you later". After she hung up she turned to the man in bed and said "That was my husband but don't worry he's playing cards with you and will be real late getting home!"

Just one more reason why I stay home on Black Friday !
NOTHING could possible be priced low enuff to make me join those air breathing Neanderthals.

Crazy Wal-Mart Black Friday fight for TV 2013 - YouTube

Things never got out of control when Santa delivered the toys.

Socially Unacceptable Humor


I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said "You're pulling my leg."

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine checkup today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So, I have been to the thrift shop to get all of her clothes back.

At the Senior Citizens Center they had a contest the other day. I lost by one point: The question was: Where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently the correct answer was Africa !


A new Muslim clothing shop opened in our shopping center, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some of the latest bomber-jackets.

You can say lots of bad things about pedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A buddy of mine just told me he's getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a mustache."

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular people porn, you sick bastard.

The Red Cross knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

__________________

my girl friend said a small penis wasnt a problem to her.....i still would rather she didnt have one....

how many has she had!!!!!!!**

The General Manager of a golf course was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, 'You graduated from University and I need some help.

If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, 'Everything but my earrings.'

Who was Alexander Graham Dumbrowski?


The first telephone pole.

This is the kinds of email I get know that I'm a Fairlane owner.

Originally Posted by MelloYello

This is the kinds of email I get know that I'm a Fairlane owner.

Consider the source, Mello, consider the source. Some people have to resort to irrational arguments when they have no valid basis for their attempts at criticism.

After watching this, I think you will all agree that Old Pharts are still the most fun !

Chicago's Magical Piano - YouTube

LOVE the guy on the phone! Scrooge... lol and the santa at the end too!