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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3601
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A blonde wanted to try out ice fishing. She went out and purchased all the gear she would need and headed to a local spot to try to catch some fish.

    She went out onto the ice with her gear and after getting comfy on the stool, she started to cut a circular hole in the ice as she had seen on the internet. As she was cutting, she heard a voice from the heavens speak out, saying, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."

    The blonde was startled. She stood up and looked around but saw no one. Cautiously, she moved a little further out onto the ice and set up in a different spot. She sipped some hot chocolate from her thermos and then started cutting another hole. Again, the voice called out, seemingly from all around her. "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE"

    Now feeling quite scared and starting to get a bit frustrated, she moved all the way to the far end of the ice and laid out all her gear, sat upon her stool and started cutting another hole. Right away, the heavenly voice boomed out, this time louder than ever,
    "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"

    She jumped off her stool and looked all around her. She shouted to the heavens,
    "IS THAT YOU, LORD?"

    The voice answered, "NO. THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK. THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  2. #3602
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    𝐎𝐥𝐝 𝐇𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐝𝐨𝐦:
    Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

    Keep skunks, bankers, and politicians at a distance.

    Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

    A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

    Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled.

    The best sermons are lived, not preached.

    If you don't take the time to do it right, you'll find the time to do it twice.

    Don't corner something that is meaner than you.

    Donít pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, heíll just kill you.

    It donít take a very big person to carry a grudge.

    You cannot unsay a cruel word.

    Every path has a few puddles.

    When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

    Don't be banging your shin on a stool that's not in the way.

    Borrowing trouble from the future doesn't deplete the supply.

    Most of the stuff people worry about ainít never gonna happen anyway.

    Donít judge folks by their relatives.

    Silence is sometimes the best answer.

    DonĎt interfere with somethiní that ainít botherin' you none.

    Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

    If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digginí.

    Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

    The biggest troublemaker youíll ever have to deal with watches you from the mirror every morniní.

    Always drink upstream from the herd.

    Good judgment comes from experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.

    Lettiní the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttiní it back in.

    If you get to thinkiní youíre a person of some influence, try orderiní somebody elseís dog around.

    Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, youíll enjoy it a second time.

    Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.

    Most times, it just gets down to common sense.
    Dave Severson, NTFDAY and 34_40 like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  3. #3603
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    After kissing my girlfriend on her sofa she said "Let's take this upstairs."

    "Okay," I said, "you grab one end and I'll grab the other."
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #3604
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Posted in Jokes, but TRUE!!
    -
    AM.jpg
    NTFDAY, glennsexton, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  5. #3605
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.' Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that Helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

    One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 Years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.' To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

    The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take both of you for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you. But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

    Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

    When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

    Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know, fifty dollars is fifty dollars.í
    NTFDAY, johnboy, 34_40 and 3 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  6. #3606
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I donít mean to be a grinch however.... to those of you who are placing Christmas lights/decorations in your yards, would you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?

    Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack. I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat. All while trying to drive.

    It's just too much drama, even for Christmas. Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
    johnboy and rspears like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

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