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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3541
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.
    The woman perks up and says "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!"
    "What a coincidence" the farmer says "This is a special day for me I am celebrating"
    "This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!" says the woman.
    "What a coincidence!" says the farmer? As they clinked glasses the man asked "What are you celebrating?"
    "My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!"
    "What a coincidence "says the man. "I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs "
    "That's great!" says the woman, "How did your chickens become fertile?"
    "I used a different cock," he replied.

    The woman smiled and said, "What a coincidence"
    NTFDAY, 34_40 and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #3542
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor CHR Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
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    A guy on a Harley is riding by the zoo in Washington, DC when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the collar of her jacket and tries to pull her inside under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off his Harley, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings the girl to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.

    A reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the Harley rider says, “Sir, this was the most gallant and bravest thing I've seen a man do in my whole life.”

    The Harley rider replies, “Why, it was nothing, really. The lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right.”

    The reporter says, “Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist and tomorrow's paper will have this story on the front page. So, what do you do for a living, and what political affiliation do you have?”

    The biker replies, "I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican and I voted for Trump."

    The journalist leaves.

    The following morning the biker buys the paper to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on the front page:

    “U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT & STEALS HIS LUNCH”

    And that pretty much sums up the media's approach to the news these days!
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  3. #3543
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A woman went to A&E with incontrollable hiccups where she was seen by a young new doctor. After about 3 minutes being examined, the doctor told her she was pregnant.
    She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.
    An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. After listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.
    Then, the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.
    "What the hell's wrong with you?" he demanded. "This woman is 68 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"
    The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said.....

    "Does she still have the hiccups?"
    NTFDAY, glennsexton and 34_40 like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #3544
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A Belfast lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time.
    He says, " This is Amanda."

    His dad jumps up. "It's a f*****g what?"
    NTFDAY, glennsexton and 34_40 like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #3545
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor CHR Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Honk

     



    I can relate to this....
    Attached Images
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  6. #3546
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    A Belfast lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time.
    He says, " This is Amanda."

    His dad jumps up. "It's a f*****g what?"
    Ha! One must realize that "Da" is a common term for Father/Dad/Pop!
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3547
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Wife: "I have a bagful of used clothes I'd like to donate to Red Cross."
    Husband : "Why not just throw them in the trash? That's much easier."
    Wife: "But there are poor starving people who could really use these clothes."
    Husband: "Honey, anyone that fits your clothes is not starving."

    The husband is now in hospital recovering from a head injury.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  8. #3548
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    A walk in the dark.

     



    Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery, hearing a tapping sound he becomes a bit scared and quickens his pace.
    The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
    Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
    "Thank goodness!" said Jack to the man. "You gave me the fright of my life. Why are you working so late?"
    "They spelt my name wrong"
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  9. #3549
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery, hearing a tapping sound he becomes a bit scared and quickens his pace.
    The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
    Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
    "Thank goodness!" said Jack to the man. "You gave me the fright of my life. Why are you working so late?"
    "They spelt my name wrong"
    Gonna "steal" this one.. LOL.

  10. #3550
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Quote Originally Posted by 34_40 View Post
    Gonna "steal" this one.. LOL.
    You're welcome; I've not got a copyright on it.
    34_40 likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  11. #3551
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    TRUTH!!!
    -
    Law.jpg
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, glennsexton and 2 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  12. #3552
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Been there, Done that! Wanna see them? LOL

  13. #3553
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
    All I did was take a day off.
    NTFDAY, 34_40 and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3554
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    A woman walked into a bar in Texas and spotted a man wearing cowboy boots propped up on a table as leaned back drinking his beer.
    He had the biggest feet she had ever seen so she asked him "Is it true what they say about men with big feet."

    The cowboy grinned and said "You'll have to come back to the bunkhouse with me to find out."

    The lady agreed and after an hour or so dallying with him she got up, got dressed and reached in her purse and pulled out 2 $100 bills and tossed them on the table.

    The man said "I'm honored but I'm not a gigolo and that's not necessary."

    The woman replied "Yes it is. Go buy yourself a pair of boots that fit."

  15. #3555
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    You Americans!
    You're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out.
    But what are you when you're in the bathroom?

    European.
    NTFDAY and 34_40 like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

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