Welcome to Club Hot Rod!  The premier site for everything to do with Hot Rod, Customs, Low Riders, Rat Rods, and more. 

  •  » Members from all over the US and the world!
  •  » Help from all over the world for your questions
  •  » Build logs for you and all members
  •  » Blogs
  •  » Image Gallery
  •  » Many thousands of members and hundreds of thousands of posts! 

YES! I want to register an account for free right now!  p.s.: For registered members this ad will NOT show

 
Like Tree5809Likes

Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

Reply To Thread
Page 234 of 254 FirstFirst ... 134 184 224 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 244 ... LastLast
Results 3,496 to 3,510 of 4277

Hybrid View

  1. #1
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    A retired man purchased a home near a high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace, and then the new school year began.

    One afternoon early into the first semester, three loud young boys came down his street, beating merrily on every bin they came across.

    The next day they did the same thing, and the day after that.

    The retiree then decided it was time to take some action.

    The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the boys as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favour? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day, and do your thing".

    The boys were more than happy, and continued to bang the bins. After a few days, the old man greeted the kids, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.
    "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "I'm going to have to cut it down to 50 cents a day for you to keep banging the bins."

    The kids were obviously unimpressed, but they accepted the reduction in payment, and continued their afternoon activities.

    A few days later, the man approached them again. "Look," he said, "I haven't received my payment yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

    "That's it?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time beating these around for 25 cents each a day, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

    And the man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #2
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    As a hobby I keep ten beehives. My queen bees are now getting older and slowing down, so I ordered ten more queens from an apiarist. They arrived, but there were eleven arrived in their containers.
    So I notified them of their mistake.
    They promptly got back to me to tell me that the eleventh was a freebie.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  3. #3
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    The only time I ever get asked for sex is on application forms.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #4
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    I had to go to the doctor's this morning. He told me that my sugar was too high so I came home and put it on a lower shelf.

    I feel better already.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #5
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
    Posts
    11,243

    OK, some people shouldn't be allowed to buy complex machines 🙄
    -
    FB_IMG_1716129525880.jpg
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  6. #6
    HOSS429's Avatar
    HOSS429 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    New Market
    Posts
    2,590

    Quote Originally Posted by rspears View Post
    OK, some people shouldn't be allowed to buy complex machines 🙄
    -
    Attachment 75954
    home depot shopper .
    iv`e used up all my sick days at work .. can i call in dead ?

  7. #7
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet.
    After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there.
    "Name's Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night... Thought you might like to come. About
    5:00."
    "Great", says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you."
    As Lars is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn you...be some drinkin'."
    "Not a problem" says Tom. "After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em."
    Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."
    "Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right. I'll be there, thanks again."
    "More'n likely be some wild sex, too,"
    "Now that's really not a problem" says Tom, warming to the idea "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"
    "Don't much matter ...Just gonna be the two of us."
    Last edited by johnboy; 05-19-2024 at 09:41 PM.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  8. #8
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    Two men out hunting came upon a huge hole in the ground and were amazed at the size of it.
    "Wow, that's a huge hole; wonder how deep it is?"
    " I don't know. Let's throw something down and listen to find how long it takes to hit bottom."
    "Hey, there's an old automobile transmission over there. Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and see."
    So they picked the transmission up and heaved it into the hole. They are looking over the edge and listening for it to hit when they hear a rustling behind them. As they turn around, they see a goat crashing through the underbrush, run up to the hole and without hesitation, jump in headfirst and disappear instantly.
    While standing there staring at each other in amazement, trying to figure out what that was all about, a farmer saunters up. "Say there, did you happen to see my goat around here anywhere?”
    “Funny you should ask, we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came blasting out of the bushes doin' bout a 100 miles an hour and jumped headfirst into this huge hole!"
    The farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible. I had him chained to a transmission.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  9. #9
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    809

    A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.
    He asks, "What was that for?"
    She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it."
    He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."
    She shrugs and walks away.

    Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.
    He asks, "What was that for?"
    She answers, "Your horse called!"

  10. #10
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    I went for qn interview for a bus driving job. I said "Sorry I'm late!"

    He said "You're hired!"
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  11. #11
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
    Posts
    11,243

    For Johnboy:
    With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  12. #12
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    Quote Originally Posted by rspears View Post
    For Johnboy:
    With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....
    Well I've sure gotten old too so don't worry about it!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, new knees, fought prostate, cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications daily that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember my friends, nor can I remember if i'm 85 or 92.

    But thankfully I still have my driver's license!

    (And if you believe all that you're sillier than I am!)

    Last edited by johnboy; 05-22-2024 at 09:42 PM.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #13
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
    Posts
    11,243

    OK, I'll leave the play on words posts to jb from now on...
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  14. #14
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,895

    Oops!
    Mea culpa!
    I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
    If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
    My bad.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  15. #15
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
    Posts
    11,243

    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    Oops!
    Mea culpa!
    I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
    If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
    My bad.
    No ruffled feathers here! I just figured that the play on words must have taken a different meaning in the trip from north to south, like "a Maureen" or "a Sheila" referring to a random, likely attractive young gal in your stories, while up here those are just specific names. Or "Bob's your uncle!" said to someone up here will likely get a confused reply, "Bob Who? I've got no Uncle Bob that I know of....' (Other than OUR Uncle Bob Parmenter!!)


    No blood, no foul, all good - Bob's your uncle!
    Last edited by rspears; 05-24-2024 at 05:31 AM.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Links monetized by VigLink