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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #286
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    TOP 16 COUNTRY SONGS almost jokes

     



    16. It's Hard To Kiss The Lips At Night That Chewed Your Ass Out All
    Day Long

    15. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You....

    14. If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

    13. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away?

    12. I Liked You Better Before I Got to Know You So Well

    11. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better

    10. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight 'Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win

    9. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight

    8. I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like You're Still Here

    7. If I Had Shot You When I First Wanted To, I'd Be Out Of Prison By
    Now

    6. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him

    5. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger

    4. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

    3. Her Teeth Was Stained But Her Heart Was Pure

    2. She's Looking Better After Every Beer

    And the Number one song is. . . . .

    1. I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With Ugly Women, but I've Sure Woke Up
    With A Few

  2. #287
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Just before Christmas, Bill rang his son in England, and said; "Son, I know your mother and I have been married almost 50 years, but enough is enough, we're separating and getting a divorce."
    Greatly shocked, his son said; "Hang on Dad, you can't do that, look, I'll ring my sister in Australia, we'll all fly home, and talk it through at a family conference. Just don't do anything too hasty."
    Bill hung up the phone, turned to his much loved wife and said; "Well that's organised, the kids will be home for Christmas, and what's more they're paying their own air fares!"


    Most accidents occur in the home, and men have to eat them.

    johnboy
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  3. #288
    gherkin350's Avatar
    gherkin350 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Why can't the Irish tell jokes timing.

    Andy.
    "Those who know not and know not that they know not; are fools, AVOID THEM. Those who know not and know that they know not, are intelligent, EDUCATE THEM".

  4. #289
    elbuick37's Avatar
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    A little Christmas & Holiday Cheer!
    Attached Images
    Greg Kline
    '37 Buick Coupe

  5. #290
    lt1s10's Avatar
    lt1s10 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Originally posted by DennyW
    Wow, I just got my new system installed, and when I clicked on the funny, which was a good one BTW, it opened it up in the paint program because it was a bimp file. That's cool !!. Well, I laughed anyway.
    your fileing system sounds like mine.
    Mike
    check my home page out!!!
    http://hometown.aol.com/kanhandco2/index.html




  6. #291
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?













    Kids will eat snot.

  7. #292
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    That's GROSS!!!! It's good, I liked it, but still gross!
    (Can't wait to tell my daughter, when my grandson won't eat his veges.)

    johnboy
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  8. #293
    Oldf100fordman's Avatar
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    Tow'd that's funny as heck, but very true.
    Duane S
    ____________________________________
    On a quiet night you can hear a Chevy rust

  9. #294
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    Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
    Tow'd that's funny as heck, but very true.
    funny, true, and gross !!!!!
    Mike
    check my home page out!!!
    http://hometown.aol.com/kanhandco2/index.html




  10. #295
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. -Robert A. Heinlein

  11. #296
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    and so it goes in the South........

    Bubba and Homer were sitting in back of their trailers, shooting the breeze.

    Bubba asked Homer, "If I snuck ovah to yore house while you wuz out fishin' an' I made love to yore wife, an' she got pregnant, would that make us kin?"

    Homer scratched his head for a bit then said,
    "I don't think so, but it shore would make us even

  12. #297
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    "shore would make us even" thats funny!!
    Attached Images
    Mike
    check my home page out!!!
    http://hometown.aol.com/kanhandco2/index.html




  13. #298
    lt1s10's Avatar
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    A man and a woman, who had never met before,
    but were both married to other people,
    found themselves assigned to the same sleeping
    room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly... he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold."
    "I have a better idea," she replied,
    "just for tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
    "Wow! That's a great idea!" he exclaimed.

    "Good," she replied, "Then get your own damn blanket!"

    After a moment of silence, he farted.
    Mike
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  14. #299
    lt1s10's Avatar
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    Originally posted by DennyW
    Auh, Hahahaha, good one Mike !!
    thats how you know the honymoon is over.
    Last edited by lt1s10; 12-20-2005 at 03:17 PM.
    Mike
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  15. #300
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    Man about town



    Pedro and Maria got married. Pedro was a "man about town "so to speak, but Maria was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.

    Pedro was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon. So, that night they retired to his little shack. When Pedro was undressing Maria said, "Oh Pedro, what is that?"

    Pedro, being very quick thinking, said, "Maria, I am the only man in
    the world with one of these." And, then, he proceeded to show her what it was for, and Maria was happy.

    The next morning Pedro went off to work as usual. When he returned home that evening, Maria was on the front porch obviously upset about something.

    "Pedro, you told me that you were the only man in the world with one of those, and I saw Gonzalez the gardener changing his clothes behind the shed, and he had one, too."

    Thinking quickly, Pedro said, "Oh, Maria, Gonzalez is my very best
    friend. I had two of them so I gave him one. He is the only other man in the world with one of those."

    Marie being very trusting accepted his answer and they did their thing again that night.

    Pedro went off to work the next morning; and, when he returned home, Maria was very upset, stamping her foot on the porch.

    Pedro said, "Maria, what is the matter now?"

    "Pedro, you gave Gonzalez the best one!!"

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