Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A man stops off at a bar after work to have a couple of drinks. He starts talking to this woman, and even though the guy is married, he thinks she is so fine that he agrees to go back to her place.

When he gets to her place, he finds out that she is a prostitute and that she wants $75.

"Forget it," the man says, "you never told me you were a prostitute." "But I do have $10 on me, will you take that?"

"You won't get any decent prostitute for that," the hooker says. She throws the guy out.

Later that night, the man and his wife go out to dinner. While they are eating, the same prostitute who happens to also be eating there recognizes the guy.

She comes up to him and says, "See, I told you." "Look at the kind of trash you'll pick up for $10."

JEWISH AIR CONDITIONING

It was a sweltering August day when the Cohen brothers, Norman,
Hyman and Maxwell, entered the posh Dearborn, Michigan, offices
of Henry Ford, the car maker.

"Mr. Ford, "announced Norman Cohen, the eldest of the three. "We
have a remarkable invention that will revolutionize the automobile
industry."

Ford looked skeptical, but their threat to offer it to the competition
kept his interest piqued. "We would like to demonstrate it to
you in person." After a little cajoling, they brought Mr. Ford outside
and asked him to enter a black automobile parked in front of the
building. Hyman Cohen, the middle brother, opened the door of the car.

"Please step inside, Mr. Ford."

"What!" shouted the tycoon, "Are you crazy? It must be two hundred
degrees in that car!" "It is," smiled the youngest brother, Max, "but sit
down Mr. Ford, and push the white button."

Intrigued, Ford pushed the button. All of a sudden a whoosh of
freezing air started blowing from vents all around the car, and within
seconds the automobile was not only comfortable, it was quite cool. "This
is amazing!" exclaimed Ford. "How much do you want for the patent?"

Norman spoke up, "The price is $1,000,000 dollars." Then he paused.
And there is something else. The name 'Cohen Brothers Air-conditioning
must be stamped right next to the Ford logo!"

"Money is no problem," retorted Ford, "but no way will I have a Jewish
name next to my logo on my cars!" They haggled back and forth for a
while and finally they settled.

Five million dollars, but the Cohens' last name would be left off. However,
the first names of the Cohen brothers would be forever emblazoned
upon the console of every Ford air conditioning system.

And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you
will see those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control
panel: Norm, Hi and Max

And that is why, even today, whenever you enter a Ford vehicle, you
will see those three names clearly printed on the air conditioning control
panel: Norm, Hi and Max

I would think not ol henry was quite the jew hater, he even went so far as to write a set of books called the eternal jew,which to what ive read is were ol hitler began to grow his own hatred,besides his grandparents, ive also read that when you bought a model t you were given a set of thes books,i dont know if this is fact but like i said i have read this

Sorry i was wrong, i just did a search, it was a part of a book henry wrote, titled the international jew, but he still hated them

Im with you on that one denny

Sorry guys, I didn't intend this to be a racial thing....I simply liked the play on words. I guess, in retrospect, the joke was in poor taste.

Thanks Denny! I know you are right, but I should really have avoided the "racial" joke. Some subjects shouldn't be mentioned, especially in this time of "politically correctness"

Ok, then,
Let's Blond bash a bit......

Two blonds driving their sports car down the freeway at a high rate of speed come around a corner and pass a Bill Board.
Behind a Billboard sits a Motorcycle Officer.....
The driver, being pretty sharp eyed exclaims..."Oh my Gawd, A Cop".
"Quick", she says to her friend, "look and see if he has his blinker on".
The other blond looks over her sholder and comments, "yep, nope, yep, nope, yep, nope.........

DT

HEY! Look at this new format then! It's as flash as an East Berliner on a push-bike. We've been flat out like a lizard drinking these last 7 or 8 weeks, we've been to 8 different car events from as far apart as New Plymouth to Napier to Mangaweka to Timaru. Good fun. Isn't it good to be alive and in possession of most of your faculties?
Anyway, here's a yarn for you all.

There's this fella that gets pulled over by a traffic cop for speeding, and the following exchange took place:
Cop: "Can I see your driver's license please?"
Driver: "I don't have one. The Courts took it off me."
Cop: "May I see the registration for this vehicle?"
Driver: "It's not my car. I stole it."
Cop: "The car is stolen?"
Driver: "Yep. Although, come to think of it, I think I saw the registration in the glove box when I put my gun in there."
Cop: "There's a gun in the glove box?"
Driver: "Yep. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the fella who owns this car and stuffed his body in the boot."
Cop: "There's a BODY in the BOOT?"
Driver: "Yep. That's right."

Upon hearing this the officer immediately called for back-up. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the Captain approached the driver.
Captain: "Can I see your licence?"
Driver: "Sure. Here it is."
It was valid.
Captain: "Who's car is this?"
Driver: "It's mine. Here's the registration papers."
The driver owned the car.
Captain: "Could you open the glove box slowly so I can check if there's a gun in it."
There was no gun.
Captain: "Could you open the boot? I was told that there's a body in it."
Driver: "Yep. Sure.'
The boot was opened.......no body.
Captain: "I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you didn't have a licence, the car was stolen, you had a gun in the glove box, and there was a body in the boot."
Driver: "Yeah, and I'll bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding as well."

johnboy

Sue and her mother are having an intimate conversation on the eve of sue's wedding
when her mother says, "Sue, should really tell Tom all about your heart problem before
you get married."
"I know, Mom," Sue says, "but I'm afraid he won't want to marry me if he knows."
"Well, he has to know," her mother says, "so I'll tell him."
She invites Tom over to the house that night, and as they're having a casual
conversation, she says, "Tom, there's something you should know about Susan before the
two of you are married. Sue has acute angina."
Tom smilies slyly and says, "Yeah, and she has great boobs, too."

A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry, but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. " I will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, " Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealling curly silver hair.
She says, " That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office.
"You should have dropped your pants," she quips, "You might have gotten disability too."

A very self-important college freshman attending a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

"You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing ....and," pausing to take another drink of beer......

The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young........so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are you doing for the next generation?"

Two guys are chatting in a bar.

One says "Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"Damn," Says his friend. "And I just joined Rotary."

FRIDAYS IN HELL


One day a guy died and found himself in hell. As he was wallowing in despair, he had his first meeting with a demon.

The demon asked, "Why so glum?"

The guy responded, "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

"Hell's not so bad," the demon said. "We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"

"Sure," the man said, "I love to drink."

"Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, diet Tab and Fresca. We drink till we throw up and then we drink some more!"

The guy is astounded. "Damn, that sounds great."

"You a smoker?" the demon asked.

"You better believe it!"

"You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out! . If you get cancer, no biggie You're already dead, remember?"

"Wow, the guy said, "that's awesome!"

The demon continued. "I bet you like to gamble."

"Why yes, as a matter of fact I do."

"Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, well, you're dead anyhow. You into drugs?"

The guy said, "Are you kidding? I love drugs! You don't mean . . ."

"That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack, or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, you're dead, who cares!"

"Wow," the guy said, starting to feel better about his situation, "I never realized Hell was such a cool place!"

The demon said, "You gay?"

"No."

"Ooooh, you're gonna hate Fridays!"