Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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One of the late great B B King's favorite jokes to tell onstage.

By his own admission, B.B. loved the ladies, in his younger years he had many ladies in his life. One gal entered his life, fell hard for him, and decided to do something special for B.B., hoping to be his chosen gal. She went down to the tattoo parlor, Had a big ole B tattooed on her butt, one on each cheek. B.B. came home that night and was undressing in the bedroom. As he was sitting on the bed, pulling on his slippers, the gal stood in front of him, pulled down her panties, bent over in front of him, and says "What do you think of this, B.B.?" BB replied "Who's Bob?"

Thanks Em! That was funny!!

Texas Cycle Gangs Clash !

Texas cycling gangs clash, leaving nine critically offended

Originally Posted by MelloYello

Texas Cycle Gangs Clash !

Texas cycling gangs clash, leaving nine critically offended

Even funnier! They (the cops) Shoulda let them keep their guns and just wait for the shooting to end. The gene pool would've improved!

My good friend, machinist, fabricator and mechanic is a Cossack member and he said that their Chapter in DFW knew about the CoC (Confederation of Clubs). They also knew that the Bandidos would be officiating and that alone guaranteed trouble so they didn't participate.
"End Hi-Jack"

3 old rodders are standing around. First one says "Windy today." Second one: "No, I think it's Thursday." Third one: "Me too! Let's get a beer."

Originally Posted by Potvinguy

3 old rodders are standing around. First one says "Windy today." Second one: "No, I think it's Thursday." Third one: "Me too! Let's get a beer."

Almost too much truth in that one.....

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him.

After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual.


It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk?.'

Two good ol' boys in a Tennessee trailer park were sitting around talking ne afternoon over a cold beer after getting off work at the local Nissan plant.

After a while the 1st guy says to the 2nd, "If'n I was to sneak over to your trailer Saturday & make love to your wife while you was off huntin' and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?"

The 2nd guy crooked his head sideways for a minute and squinted his eyes thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he says, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even!"

Originally Posted by rspears

Are you sure of that location? I'd heard much the same story, but it was in Opunake, Rahotu NZ and the farmer's name was John? Or maybe it was the hunter's name that was John....

Hah!
How come I missed this!?!?

I've been many things in my life, but I've never been a lawyer.

(...and how did you hear about that incident...?)

Huntin' and Drin


Two guys are talking in a bar..

"My hobbies are huntin' and drinkin'."

said Art.

"What do you hunt?"

asked John.

"Somethin to drink,"

If you want to see a handkerchief dance, put a little boogie in it.

Siamese twin men walk into a bar in Canada and park themselves on a bar
stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined
at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft
please."

The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite
conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on holiday yet, guys?"

"Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year,
rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees.

"Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country... the history,
the beer, the culture..."

"Nah, we don't like that British baloney," says John. "Hamburgers and
Molson's beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English food
and warm beer. Plus they're so arrogant and rude to the colonials."

"So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender.

"It's the only chance Jim gets to drive."

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her
paintings that were on display.

"Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"

"The gentleman was your doctor."
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Heaviest Element Discovered

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science -Governmentium.

It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub-particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected, however, since it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

A tiny amount of Governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it takes days.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of three years. It doesn't decay but "reorganizes," a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that Governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration, forming critical morass.

Researchers believe that in Governmentium, the more you reorganize, the morass you cover.

Wooohooo!!!
Just found $12.86 and a hat outside the train station.
I thought some guy was going to pick them up but he seemed more interested in playing his guitar.