Good thing I don't have a gibson...
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Good thing I don't have a gibson...
Oh wow, :LOL:
^^^^^^^^^^
Attachment 73253
I just sprayed the monitor with coffee! ROTFLMAO!
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn’t seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their “Older Person Friendly” policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
“Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome.”
“Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it.”
“Well good, you are a team player. That’s what I like to hear.
“It’s odd though your coming in late. I know you’re retired from the Navy. What did they say if you came in late there?”
“They said, ‘Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?’ ”
i bet you have to read it more than once to get it ... .
This is a story which is perfectly logical to all males:
A wife asked her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me
and buy a carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6."
A short time later the husband returned with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asked him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk???"
He replied, "They had eggs."
As a follow on to HOSS429 - this is definitely worth the time. Laughs guaranteed.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-YFRUSTiFUs
Chris and I ended up watch 3 or 4 more of her videos! Great comedy right there!! Thanks Glenn.
pun intended .. a friend of mine was in a bit of a pickle .. we will call him John .. after 30 years of being blissfully wed to his wife Kate he was developing feeling for another woman he worked with named Edith .. he still loved kate but Edith fulfilled something extra that was missing in his marriage and he was finding it difficult to keep both loves in his life .. he asked me for my opinion on the matter .. i firmly said .. " john " ,, You cant have your Kate and Edith Too " ...... i can feel the groans already ...
sigh..... smh....
three hundred or so years ago in the middle of america there live a tribe of indians .. i believe it`s the present day state of Indiana .. anywho they survived mostly only an apatite of apples they grew ..one year they had a really bad harvest and 500 of them starved to death .. for almost 200 years they were simply known as the " indian apple less 500 " .. later a car race was named in their honor .. .. that ones got to get you .. HA !
That's pathetic
is this better ? in the deepest darkest bush of the outback once in a large grass hut lived a king who ruled from a throne made of solid gold .. on more than one ocassion his throne was stolen as he slept so to prevent that in the future every night he hoisted his golden throne high into the ceiling of his hut stowed away and he slept under it .. one night the rope broke and the throne came crashing down and killed him .. moral of story .. people who live in grass houses should`nt stow thrones ..Quote:
Originally Posted by NTFDAY
WOW, that's about as bad:D:LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL::LOL:
more you ask ? it is well know that Roy Rodgers had a shoe fetish .. he had thousands of pairs ..one day he came home from filming movies and found one of his favorite pair of shoes had been chewed upon .. he went ballistic .. his neighbor leaned over his fence and told him that he had seen a stray cat in the area earlier .. perhaps it got in thru the pet door and did its damage .. Roy set a trap and sure enuff caught the cat .. needless to say the cat was doomed .. as Roy was digging a hole in his back yard to burry the dead cat his neighbor leaned over the fence again and said " pardon me Roy ... is that the cat who chewed your two shoes " ...
Why do I feel like it's 1960 and I'm in Jr. High again..... :confused::confused::confused::rolleyes::whacked:
I don't get it.
But I have a feeling that I don't want it either.
Just like the Roy Rogers "Story"...
back by popular demand ... one more ... i recently went to my realtors office to inquire about a new property to purchase and while i was there i would from time to time hear a loud " GONG " sound ... like at the end of Bohemian Rhapsody " then a time or two i would hear a small " tink " like someone tapping a spoon on a drinking glass .. i asked what that was all about .. the realtor said that loud GONGS meant that a house had been sold but " little tinks mean a lot " .... no more i promise ... HA !!
AHHHH, as I told someone else recently, "Go to the kitchen and take your meds!" PLEASE...
Ya gotta be an old fella to 'get' that.Quote:
Originally Posted by firebird77clone
To you young fellas under 70 it would mean nothing.
I got it...straight off.
sigh.
It's from the 40's, Chattanooga Choo Choo. Pardon me boy, is that the Chattanooga Choo Choo, Glen Miller band
After a long day on the golf course, I stopped in at Hooter's to see some friends and have some hot Wings and ice tea.
After being there for a while, one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.
I told them "The one who knows how to fix elevators".
I'm old, I'm tired, and I pee a lot.
Ouch!Quote:
Originally Posted by TOW'D
That hit a nerve...welcome to the OAP Club Hank!
While shopping for vacation clothes, she and her husband passed a display of bathing suits.
It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice.
"What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
He's still in intensive care.
Another great car gone....
Attachment 73419
Oh My Goodness! I don't care where you're from - that's funny!
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says,
“I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.
“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.
“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.
“Like heck, they’re getting divorced,” she shouts,
“I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man,
“You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
“Okay,” he says,
“They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?
Now we've retired we're downsizing.
I'm emptying my aviary of all my birds, selling off the lot.
Yesterday I sold one of my homing pigeons.
It's the tenth time I've sold it this year.
Life...is good.
In Ireland , the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly.
She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined.
One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.
"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."
She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:
"DON'T SELL THAT COW!"
Next time your wife is angry about something pick up a dish towel, drape it over her shoulders and say -
There! Now you're SUPER ANGRY!
Maybe she'll laugh.....
Maybe you'll die!
