Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Another great car gone....
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Oh My Goodness! I don't care where you're from - that's funny!

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says,

“I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing, forty-five years of misery is enough.”

“Pop, what are you talking about?” the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the old man says.

“We’re sick of each other, and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her,” and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like heck, they’re getting divorced,” she shouts,

“I’ll take care of this.” She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man,

“You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

“Okay,” he says,

“They’re coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares Now what do we tell them for Christmas?

Now we've retired we're downsizing.
I'm emptying my aviary of all my birds, selling off the lot.
Yesterday I sold one of my homing pigeons.

It's the tenth time I've sold it this year.

Life...is good.

In Ireland , the 99-year-old Mother Superior lay quietly.
She was dying. The Nuns had gathered around her bed, laying garlands around her and trying to make her last journey comfortable. They wanted to give her warm milk to drink but she declined.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they lifted her head gently and held the glass to her lips. The very frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:



"DON'T SELL THAT COW!"

Next time your wife is angry about something pick up a dish towel, drape it over her shoulders and say -

There! Now you're SUPER ANGRY!


Maybe she'll laugh.....



Maybe you'll die!

Gotta Catch Up!!FB_IMG_1619811411463.jpg

I read a study that 45% of women on the north american continent are taking some kind of medicine for mental health issues.
I find this information a little disturbing,


because that means 55% of women on this continent are untreated!
.
.

Sadly some stopped.....

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Love this T-shirt, Roger. May we never stop scrubbing assembly lube off our hands!

A woman awakes in the middle of the night to find her husband, not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot cocoa in front of him. He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes away a tear from his eye.

“What’s the matter dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.
“Why are you down here at this time of night!?”

The husband looks up from his drink, “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”

She can’t believe he has remembered. She starts to tear up. The husband continues solemnly, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 15.”

Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive.

“Yes, I do,” she replies.

The husband pauses… the words were not coming easily.

“Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?”

“Yes, I remember,” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, ‘Either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?'”

“I remember that too,” she replied softly…

He sighed as he wiped another tear away from his cheek and said, “I would have gotten out today.”

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Georgia and the other to Texas. They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other’s stories. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch.
“Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs.”

“Perfect, you’re on”

At age 42, they meet and play golf again “Where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Again? Why?”

“They have a cold beer, big-screen TVs, and side action on the games.”

“Yeah, boy! Let’s do it!”

At age 52 they meet and play again. “So, where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”

“OK.”

At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, “Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”

“Good choice”

At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”

“Great choice.”

At age 82 they meet and play again. “Where should we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve never been there before.”

“OK, let’s give it a try

This is not a joke but I am wondering why certain threads, and links sent to me get a microsoft error message. I saw rspears had sent an inquiry but when I click on it i get the same dead link notification. I randomly have this happen only to connect days later, or never.. Sorry to post here but it's the only way for me to post anywhere right now. Steve

Originally Posted by stovens

This is not a joke but I am wondering why certain threads, and links sent to me get a microsoft error message. I saw rspears had sent an inquiry but when I click on it i get the same dead link notification. I randomly have this happen only to connect days later, or never.. Sorry to post here but it's the only way for me to post anywhere right now. Steve

Steve, here's the link to the lengthy thread about the server. Sadly, there's been no change and no response even acknowledging the problems - What's Wrong With The Server?

Game_show ...........................