The night before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, and out in the shed
sat a tired ol Model Eh; Its battery near dead;
its hinges all rusted; its doors wouldn't close
The seats and carpets looked like Good Will clothes
Her tires had dry rot and the fuel tank was leaking
and a crank of the wheel sent the tie-rods a creaking.
So I threw on a coat with a weight in my heart;
and went out to the garage to give her a start.
The engine turned over, but there arose such a clatter;
I knew from that sound it was water pump chatter.
From under the dashboard there came a bright flash
the old cloth wrapped wiring had just turned to ash!!!!
I've had it with this ol A Bone I finally swore.
Enough is enough, I just can't take anymore.
When, what to my ol bloodshot red eyes should appear,
but a little old ghost (Hell I need a beer).
"Cheers" he said grinning from ear to ear,
"You need my help, see, I'm an ol hot rodder here!!!
"This one can be saved there's no need to grieve,
All you need is faith; Ya just gotta Believe"
A hammer. some duct tape, get me more tools!!!
When you work on these cars you just make your own rules,
We'll get'r cranked over and NO WAY will she stall,
but ya better stand back with your back to the wall."
A cough and a sputter- the exhaust note was stunning!!
I just couldn't believe the ol girl was running!!
The ghost winked, and said (kicking a tire),
"Whatever you do, JUST DON'T TOUCH THIS WIRE!!"
The old rodder vanished 'mongst the snorts and the farts,
but when the smoke cleared, he had left me some parts.
So I opened the garage door and put the top down,
put the pedal to the metal and drove outta town,
and I said to myself, as I missed second gear,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!
***************
T’was the night before Christmas (Another version)
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the garage
Not a creature was stirring, not even a Dodge;
The tires were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Saint Nicholas would fill them with air.
When up jumped a Chevy, shivering with fright,
And yelled for the Rambler to turn on the light.
He heard a strange sound on top of the roof,
It sounded like Santa’s little reindeer hoof.
Just then little Plymouth left out a great yap
He was hit on the fender by a big Cadillac.
Then up spoke a Chrysler who said in a rave
“Old Santa won’t come if you don’t behave.”
The Olds tucked the Ford back in for the night,
And Packard went over and turned out the light.
They soon dozed off in the land of Nod,
But the first one awake was a little Hot-Rod.
He jumped up so quickly that he fouled a plug,
He yelled “Merry Christmas,” with a chug, a chug chug.
With a start they all rose and while trying to dress
The Falcon and Mustang upset the drill press.
With their lights on high beam they rushed over to see
What Santa had left for them under the tree.
Then all together they started to sing,
For there was a new valve grinding machine.
A whole set of tires were placed in the rack,
And a new set of feathers for Chief Pontiac.
The Hot-Rod jumped and shouted with glee,
“Just look what Santa has let for me.”
The hi-lift cam was set by the door
And a new stick shift, with four on the floor.
But while the others were having their fun,
It seemed like Santa had forgotten just one.
For the Volkswagen beetle, there was nothing at all
And everyone thought he was ready to bawl
But really he wasn’t, he just looked that way.
His face always hangs, even when he feels gay.
It’s been so long since he’s had anything new,
So he didn’t mind, and got in the fun too.
Now all were so happy and full of good cheer.
They all wished each other a Happy New Year.
Could have used this myself years ago! Lol
Joke of the Day! hide this posting
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully. From morning till night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something. The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot.
One day, when he was out plowing, his wife brought him lunch in the field. He drove the old mule into the shade, sat down on a stump, and began to eat his lunch. Immediately, his wife began lecturing him again. Complain, nag, nag; it just went on and on.
All of a sudden, the old mule lashed out with both hind feet; caught her smack in the back of the head. Killed her dead on the spot.
At the funeral several days later, the minister noticed something rather odd. When a woman mourner would approach the old farmer, he would listen for a minute, then nod his head in agreement; but when a man mourner approached him, he would listen for a minute, then shake his head in disagreement. This was so consistent, the minister decided to ask the old farmer about it.
So after the funeral, the minister spoke to the old farmer, and asked him why he nodded his head and agreed with the women, but always shook his head and disagreed with all the men.
The old farmer said: "Well, the women would come up and say something about how nice my wife looked, or how pretty her dress was, so I'd nod my head in agreement."
"And what about the men?" the minister asked.
"They wanted to know if the mule was for sale."