Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

An 84-year-old man is having a drink in a bar.
Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away.
The girl is so attractive that he just can't take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him.
Before the man has time to apologize, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone: "I'll do anything you'd like. Anything you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn't matter how extreme or unusual it is, I'm game. I want $100, and there's another condition."'
Completely stunned by the sudden turn of events, the man asks her what her condition is.
"You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."
The man takes a moment to consider the offer from the beautiful woman.
He whips out his wallet and puts $100 dollars into her hand...
He then looks her square in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly: "Paint my house."

Our needs change as we get older, and we tend to look for bargains...
.

Sign at service station: 'Please do not smoke near fuel pumps. Your life won't be worth much, but our petrol is.

"What will happen if I miss a payment on the car?" the boy racer asked the salesman.

"We'll get you back on your feet."
.

"Tell me God; why did you make women so beautiful?" asked the new arrival to Heaven.
"So that you would love her," said God
"Well why did you make her so dumb?"
"So that she would love you." said God.
.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
.

What's brown and sounds like a bell?

Dung...

What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?

Snowballs.

I extended an invitation to Rosie Norton (jb's She Who Must Be Obeyed, (i.e. his wife)) to join CHR so she could see his Joke Page Posts firsthand.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Just kidding, jb, you're safe, at least for now..... |

She won't be surprised; She's heard them all before.



And if they're a bit grubby She won't mind, 'cos there's been sex in her family (and mine,) for generations...


.

Originally Posted by johnboy

She won't be surprised; She's heard them all before.



And if they're a bit grubby She won't mind, 'cos there's been sex in her family (and mine,) for generations...


.

I expect she'll give as good as she gets, i.e. respond in kind, if not better!! I've no doubt that she'll give no quarter if riled!

Originally Posted by rspears

I expect she'll give as good as she gets, i.e. respond in kind, if not better!! I've no doubt that she'll give no quarter if riled!

You hit the nail on the head there alright!

When it comes to a spat with my missus I show that I'm the devout coward.

I can cover 100 yards in four seconds...
.

There was an old man from Nantucket
who kept all his wealth in a bucket.
His daughter named Nan
ran away with a man,
and as for the bucket Nantucket.
.

The doctor put the stethoscope in his ears, the other end on her chest and said "Big breaths!"

"Yeth; and I'm only thickteen." she said.
.

Some mornings I wake up grumpy.

Other mornings I let her sleep.
.

Three dogs are in the waiting room at the veterinarian.
One of the dogs ask the first dog, which is a terrier, why are you here?
The terrier responds, well I've got a problem with biting people and so my master brought me here.
The other two dogs look at him, shake their heads and say oh my, looks like the needle for you.

So, the next dog is asked, why are you here?
This dog, a collie, responds, well my problem is that I bark all the time.
The other two dogs look at him, shake their heads, and say oh my, it's the needle for you too.

The third dog is then asked why he is at the vet.
He's a very handsome German Shepherd, and he responds.
Well, I was walking by the bathroom the other night when my voluptuous master came out buck naked.
I got so turned on that I jumped on top of her and had my way.
The other two dogs shake their heads, and respond, Oh my, looks like the needle for you to, eh?
Oh no, says the German Shepherd, I'm just here to get my nails trimmed.