Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local bar.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while, the lights would go out. Each time this happened, the place would erupt into cheers.
However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.
She walked up to the bartender, and asked, “May I please use the restroom?”
The bartender replied, “Okay, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.”
“Well, in that case, I’ll just look the other way,” said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the bar.
After a few minutes, as the lights went out again and the nun came back out, the whole place stopped to give the nun a loud, enthusiastic round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, “Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?”
“Well, now they know you’re one of us,” said the bartender. “Would you like a drink?”
“No thank you, but, I still don’t understand,” said the puzzled nun.
“You see,” laughed the bartender, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.”

At the airport, I heard 2 guys saying they wouldn't feel safe if the Pilot was a woman. How downright sexist I thought; I mean it's not as if she has to reverse the thing...

The Germans are crazy on sausages. They even have a sausage made from other sausages.

It's the wurst of the wurst.

all walk into a bar together.

Things got a bit tense.

What does a subatomic duck say?

Quark!

A lawyer boarded an airplane in Dublin with a box of frozen crabs and asked the blonde flight attendant to take care of them for him.
She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's fridge.
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.
Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.
Shortly before landing in London, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in Dublin, please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up.... So she took them home and enjoyed them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.

2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think

Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery, hearing a tapping sound he becomes a bit scared and quickens his pace.
The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" said Jack to the man. "You gave me the fright of my life. Why are you working so late?"
"They spelt my name wrong"

Originally Posted by johnboy

Late one night Jack takes a shortcut through the cemetery, hearing a tapping sound he becomes a bit scared and quickens his pace.
The tapping gets louder and Jack is now scared out of his wits.
Then he notices a man chiseling a tombstone.
"Thank goodness!" said Jack to the man. "You gave me the fright of my life. Why are you working so late?"
"They spelt my name wrong"

Gonna "steal" this one.. LOL.

Originally Posted by 34_40

Gonna "steal" this one.. LOL.

You're welcome; I've not got a copyright on it.

Life was better in the seventies when I was in my twenties than it is now in the twenties and I'm in my seventies.

VERY INTERESTING FACTS.

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!

Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in Antarctica ?

Where do they go?
Wonder no more!
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:

"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

Originally Posted by johnboy

VERY INTERESTING FACTS.

Dead Penguins - I never knew this!
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."

You really didn't believe that I know anything about penguins, did you?

It really has been a long winter over there hasn't it!?!?! There's just no words!

To cheer me up after surgery my doctor told me a joke.

I was in stitches.
.

After kissing my girlfriend on her sofa she said "Let's take this upstairs."

"Okay," I said, "you grab one end and I'll grab the other."

I've started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.

It's all about raisin awareness.