Hay maybe a new forum bannedbutnotforgotted.com
I know IC2 it is hard to believe ......:LOL:
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Hay maybe a new forum bannedbutnotforgotted.com
I know IC2 it is hard to believe ......:LOL:
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his
customer, "This is the dumbest kid in town... watch while I prove it to
you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the
other, then calls the boy over and asks. "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer is leaving, he sees the same young boy coming
out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question... why
did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied "Because the day I take the dollar,
the game's over!"
A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.
The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."
"Me first! Me first!" says the paralegal. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Brad Pitt."
Poof! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the associate. "I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other."
Poof! He's gone.
"You're next," the Genie says to the partner.
The partner says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
A Blonde, recently hired, began her first day at the office this morning.
Hoping to integrate well into the office environment and eager to prove her worth to her new bosses, she offered to go out and buy coffee for everyone.
She grabbed a large thermos and hurried to the nearby Tim Hortons.
She held up the thermos so that the server behind the counter could view it
and she asked, 'Is this thermos big enough to hold six cups of coffee?'
The server looked at the container and said, 'Yes. It looks like about six cups to me.'
'Oh good!', the blonde sighed in relief, 'Give me three regular, one black, and two decaf.'
The Love Story of Ralph and Edna >
>
> Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One
> day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool.
>
> Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom
> of the pool and stayed there.
>
> Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom
> and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of
> Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from
> the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
>
> When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good
> news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since
> you
> were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving
> the life of the person you love. I have concluded that your act
> displays
> sound mindedness.
>
> The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe
> belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'
>
> Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.
> How soon can I go home?':eek:
>
>
My forgetter's getting better,
But my rememberer is broke
To you that may seem funny
But, to me, that is no joke
For when I'm 'here' I'm wondering
If I really should be 'there'
And, when I try to think it through,
I haven't got a prayer!
Oft times I walk into a room,
Say 'what am I here for?'
I wrack my brain, but all in vain!
A zero, is my score.
At times I put something away
Where it is safe, but, Gee!
The person it is safest from
Is, generally, me!
When shopping I may see someone,
Say 'Hi' and have a chat,
Then, when the person walks away
I ask myself, 'who was that?'
Yes, my forgetter's getting better
While my rememberer is broke,
And it's driving me plumb crazy
And that isn't any joke.
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED............
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?'
....and then the fight started....
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED (II).....
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social
Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license
to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.
I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and
come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
Social Secu rity o ffice.
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
disability, too!
.....and then the fight started.....
http://mazzanet.id.au/ball.php
Click the link, then - FOR A BIT OF FRUSTRATION........CLICK ON THE BALL AND IT WILL CHANGE COLOR. MAYBE:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:
After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for
Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting
all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her.
They saw her and began calling greetings to her.."Hello," "How are you?" We've been waiting for you,"
"Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a
wonderful place! How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her.
"Which word?" The woman asked.
"Love," said Saint Peter.
The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the
Gates for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.
"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been."
"Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her.
"I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill.
And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought
a big mansion. My wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on
vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here
I am. How do I get in?"
"You have to spell a word," the woman told him.
"Which word?' her husband asked.
"Czechoslavkia."
A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed by 15 kids...
"WOW," the social worker exclaims,"are they ALL YOURS???"
"Yep they are all mine," the flustered woman sighs, having heard that
question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit down Wayne."
All the children rush to find seats.
"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign up.
I'll need all your children's names."
"This one be my oldest - him is Wayne."
"OK, and who's next?"
"Well, this one be Wayne, also."
The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through
the oldest four, all boys, all named Wayne. Then she is introduced to
the eldest girl, named Wain.
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they
ALL named Wayne?"
Their woman! replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easy. When it be time
to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell , 'Wayne!'
An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Wayne!' an' they all comes
a runnin.'
An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just
yell 'Wayne' and all of em stop dead still. It's the smartest idea I
ever had, namin' them all Wayne."
The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says, "But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?"
"Then I call them by their last name"
A dedicated golf foresome were playing a round of golf.
Suddenly a Funeral Prossesion was coming by where the golfers were playing.
One in the group said hold up your putts guy's A Funeral Possesion is going by.
In reverence they all stood at attention,except George and he said.
Yea she was a good Wife, we lived together 55 years.
He then struck his putt,
A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, 'You Can Be THE Man of Your House.'
He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, 'From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?'
The wife replied, 'The f**kin' funeral director would be my first guess.'
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet
behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a
dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man
walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a
bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose
funeral is it?'
'My wife's.'
'What happened to her?'
The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.'
He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'
The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the
dog turned on her.'
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
'Can I borrow the dog?'
'Get in line.'
Little Suzy had a box of very small kittens that she was trying to give away, so she had them out on the street corner with a sign 'FREE KITTENS' next to them. Suddenly a long line of big black cars came up with a policeman on a motorcycle in front. The cars all stopped and a tall man stepped out from the biggest car. 'Hi, little girl, what do you have there in the box?' he asked.
'Kittens' Little Suzy says. 'They're so small, their eyes are not even open yet.'
'What kind of kittens are they?' he asked.
'Democrats' says Little Suzy. The tall man smiled, returned to his car and they drove away.
Sensing a good photo opportunity, Sen. Obama called his campaign manager and told him about the little girl with the kittens. It was planned that they would return the next day, have all the media there and tell everyone about these 'democrat' kittens.
The next day, Little Suzy is standing out on the corner with her box of kittens with the 'FREE KITTENS' sign and the big motorcade of black cars pulled up with all the vans and trucks from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN. Everyone had their cameras ready and then Sen. Obama got out of his limo and walked up to Little Suzy. 'Now don't be frightened,' he said, I just want you to tell all these nice news people just what kind of kittens you're giving away today.'
'Yes sir,' Suzy said, 'they are all REPUBLICAN kittens.'
Taken by surprise, Sen. Obama said, 'But yesterday you told me they were DEMOCRATS.'
Little Suzy says, 'Yes, I know. But, today they have their eyes open.
A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.
He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?" She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time." "And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?" "We use it for sex." The researcher was a little taken back.
"Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"
The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out."
> New Plan for saving the airlines:
>
> Dump the male flight attendants. No one
> wanted them in the first place.
>
> Replace all the female flight attendants
> with good-looking strippers! What the hell -- They don't even serve
> food anymore, so what's the loss?
>
> The strippers would at least triple the
> alcohol sales and get a 'party atmosphere' going in the cabin. And, of
> course, every businessman in this country would start flying again,
> hoping to see naked women.
>
> Because of the tips, female flight
> attendants wouldn't need a salary, thus saving even more money. I
> suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for
> working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including
> lap dances and 'special services.'
>
> Muslims would be afraid to get on the
> planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a
> screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.
>
> This is definitely a win-win situation if
> we handle it right -- a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an
> asset.
>
> Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I
> still have to do everything myself?
>
>
>
>
>
> Sincerely,
>
>
>
> Bill Clinton
If you're a "Baby Boomer", I'm sure that you can appreciate this. If younger - that's a sign of the times(to come:LOL: ). Older - you already know.
You need your speakers turned on !!
http://www.newsday.com/news/opinion/...,1036393.blurb
Eddie wanted desperately to have sex with this really
cute, really hot girl in his office... But she was dating someone else.
One day Eddie got so frustrated that he went to her and
said, 'I'll give you $100 if you let me have sex with you...'The girl
looked at him, and then said, 'NO!'
Eddie said, 'I'll be real fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down and I'll finish by the time you've picked it up.'
She thought for a moment and said that she would consult
with her boyfriend... So she called him and explained the situation.
Her boyfriend says, 'Ask him for $200, and pick up the
money really fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down.'
She agreed and accepts the proposal.
Over half an hour goes by and the boyfriend is still
waiting for his girlfriend's call. Finally, after 45 minutes the
boyfriend calls and asks 'What happened...?'
Still breathing hard, she managed to reply, 'The bastard
had all *quarters!'*
Management lesson: Always consider a business proposition in it's
* *entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
DNA evidence after she stood up! Click the picture to watch video.
http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/c...ens/th_dna.jpg
Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them
knew anything about it.
Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night.
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and two said he was still there.
A Fair Explanation
The wife came home early and found her husband in their
bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried.
'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the
mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a
divorce straight away!' And the husband replied,
'Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell
you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she
sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll
say to me!' And the husband began -- 'Well, I was
getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady
here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and
defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed
and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for
three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and
warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the
ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid
you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in
moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a
shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes
were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then,
as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that
you have had for a few years, but don't use because you
say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that
was your anniversary present, which you don't use
because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy
blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
use just to annoy her. - 'She was so
grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her
to the door, she turned to m e with tears in her eyes and
said, Please .. Do you have anything else that
your wife doesn't use?'
A guy was in the supermarket and as he reached the checkout, he remembered he had forgotten to buy some condoms, so he asked the checkout chick. "What size do you want?" she asked.
"Hmm, not sure", so she unzipped him and had a good grab, and then said over the microphone "Packet of large condoms to checkout 6 please"
The young schoolkid next in the queue was pretty impressed by all this, so when it was his turn he also asked the checkout chick for some condoms.
She unzipped him and had a good grab and then said over the microphone "Bucket and mop to checkout 6 please!"
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he
sat down and looked over the menu...
+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a price
difference for the Politicians?'
The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so
full of s@#$, it takes all morning.
Three Sick Men
Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual. The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."
The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar. The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey. No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.
His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning. The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet
twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice.
She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm
completely nude'.
With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES YES,
I WON, I WON!'
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded.
Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I
don't know - I thought you were watching.'
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men, are men.:3dSMILE:
Three women die together in an accident
and go to heaven
When they get there, St. Peter says
'We only have one rule here in heaven,
don't step on the ducks!'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough
there are ducks all over the place
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck
and although they try their best to avoid them
the first woman accidentally steps on one
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw
St. Peter chains them together and says
'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to
spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day
the second woman steps accidentally on a duck
and along comes St. Peter
who doesn't miss a thing.
With him is another extremely ugly man
He chains them together
with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and
not wanting to be chained
for all eternity to an ugly man, is very
VERY careful where she steps
She manages to go months
without stepping on any ducks
but
one day St.Peter comes up to her
with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on
.... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word
The happy woman says
'I wonder what I did to deserve being
chained to you for all of eternity?'
The guy says,'I don't know about you lady,
but I stepped on a
duck.'
A contestant on 'Who Wants to be a Millionaire?' had reached the final
plateau.
If she answered the next question correctly, she would win $1,000,000. If
she answered incorrectly, she would pocket only the $25,000 milestone money.
And as she suspected it would be, the million-dollar question was no
pushover.
It was, 'Which of the following species of birds does not build its own
nest, but instead lays its eggs in the nests of other birds?
Is it:
A) the condor
B) the buzzard
C) the cuckoo
D) the vulture
The woman was on the spot. She did not know the answer. And she was
doubly on the spot because she had used up her 50/50 Lifeline and her
Audience Poll Lifeline. All that remained was her Phone -a- Friend Lifeline.
The woman hoped she would not have to use it because ....Her friend was, well-- blond.
She had no alternative. She called her friend and gave her the question and the four choices.
The blond responded unhesitatingly: 'That's easy. The answer is C: the
cuckoo.'
The contestant had to make a decision and make it fast. She considered
employing a reverse strategy and giving Meridith any answer except the one
that her friend had given her. And considering that her friend was a blond,
that would seem to be the logical thing to do. But her friend had
responded with such confidence, such certitude, that the contestant could not help but be persuaded.
'I need an answer,' said Meredith.
Crossing her fingers, the contestant said, 'C: The cuckoo.'
'Is that your final answer?'
'Yes, that is my final answer.'
Two minutes later, Meredith said, 'That answer is. Absolutely correct! You
are now a millionaire!'
Three days later, the contestant hosted a party for her family and friends,
including the blond who had helped her win the million dollars.
'Stephanie, I just do not know how to thank you,' said the contestant. 'How did you happen to know the right answer?'
'Oh, come on,' said the blond...'Everybody knows that cuckoos don't build
nests. They live in clocks.'
The photo below captures a disturbing trend that is beginning to affect wildlife in the USA . Animals that were formerly self-sufficient are now showing signs of belonging to the Democratic Party...as they have apparently learned to just sit and wait for the government to step in and provide for their care and sustenance.
damn the pic did not post! it was a bear sitting at a picnic table.
You mean this Democratic bear?
Hey that`s the one.Thanks man!
Meanwhile new homeless animals formally found to be enjoyed by millions, now seen begging for handouts at the republican national convention.
http://i217.photobucket.com/albums/c...vens/pic_6.jpg
There was once a magic mirror in a ladies room in a bar. If one stood in front of this mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.
A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.
Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*
Ingredients in Viagra:
3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat
Choosing a wife
A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts . She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5,000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
Men are like that, you know.
A man with a speech impediment goes into a nut shop, and the first thing he notices is that the guy behind the counter has the largest nose he's ever seen. The man with the speech problem quickly turns his attention to the merchandise and asks, 'Ess-tues me, sir?'
'Yes?' replies the clerk.
'Tould you tale me how mutsh your pisstasheos arr?'
'Pistachio's? They're $9 a pound.'
'SSit!' The tongue-tied guy goes back to browsing and then asks, 'Welp, how mutsh arr your aahhmons?'
'Almonds? They're $11.50 a pound.'
'SSIT! tas pensive,' replies the tongue-tied man.
'Welp, how bout your pikanns?'
'Pecans? They're on sale today, they're only $14.50 a pound.'
'Welp, Ssit. Just div me a pound of dose dhen.'
'All right then,' says the clerk as he bags up a pound of pecans.
Then the man says to the clerk, 'Sirr, I just wanna thay tank you fo not making fun of de way I talk, cauz I tan't hep it.'
The clerk replies with a smile. 'Oh sir, you don't have to thank me for that I don't make fun of anybody. I don't know if you noticed but I have a rather large nose.'
The man replies, 'Oh, is dat your noze? I tought dat wuz your pecker since your nuts are so high!'
The Fourth Wedding
A woman married three times walked into a bridal shop one day and told thesales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
'Of course, madam,' replied the sales clerk, 'exactly what type andcolor dress are you looking for?'
The bride to be said: 'A long frilly white dress with a veil'
The sales clerk hesitated a bit, then said, 'Please don't take this the wrong way, but gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for brides who are being married the first time - for those who are a bit more innocent, if you know what I mean? Perhaps ivory or sky blue would be nice?'
'Well,' replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk's directness, 'I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate. Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride. You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he died as we were checking into our hotel.'
'My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.'
'What about your third husband?' asked the sales clerk.
'That one was a Democrat,' said the woman, 'and every night for four years, he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.'
A guy visits his urologist, who is a stunningly beautiful, leggy 6 foot blonde to die for.
Early in the consultation, she says "Hmm, you are going to have to give up masterbating"
He replied "Why?"
She answered "Because I am trying to examine you!"
Pfizer Announcement
Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be
available in liquid
form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power
beverage suitable for use
as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to
literally pour himself a stiff
one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft
drink, and it gives new
meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and
just a
good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'.
Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of:
MOUNT & DO.
Thought for the day: There is more money being spent
on breast implants and
Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means
that by 2040, there
should be a large elderly population with perky boobs
and huge erections and
absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.