fw: "SENIORS GETTING MARRIED"
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married.
They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a CVS Drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?"
The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart Medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds "
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes.."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure.."
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."
Psychiatrists vs. Bartenders
Ever since I was a child, I've always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him I've got problems.'Every time I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy.'
'Just put yourself in my hands for one year, said the shrink. 'Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears...'
'How much do you charge?' 'Eighty dollars per visit,' replied the doctor. 'I'll sleep on it,' I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. 'Why didn't you come to see me about those fears you were having?' he asked.
'Well, Eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money that I went and bought me a new pickup!'
'Is that so?' With a bit of an attitude he said, 'and how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?'
'He told me to cut the legs off the bed! - Ain't nobody under there now!!!
SCREW THOSE SHRINKS... GO HAVE A DRINK & TALK TO YOUR BARTENDER!
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Drive shaft Vibration Issue - Possible Cause
One of the true ones.
This woman driver (blonde, of course:D) ran over a mattress and decided to keep going.
She drove 30 more miles with a 60 lb tangle wrapped around the drive shaft.
The woman complained that the vehicle had a "shimmy" when driving it high speeds.
This is what the dealership found..............
Ramblings of a Retired Mind
- I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
- You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
- I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
- I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
- I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
- I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
- When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
- Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
- Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do....write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!
- I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older.. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
- As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
- Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life' Because :::' Life is a journey to be savored. You never know what is ahead for you.