Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Originally Posted by 34_40

even more 64ths

In the Navy as an airplane mechanic everyone had a prescribed set of tools, each etched with the squadron # and tool box #, inventoried weekly and after any big job to ensure no tool left in a plane where it could cause problems. We called the 12" Crescent a Many 16th's since the standard wrenches were spread by 16th's.

Originally Posted by rspears

In the Navy as an airplane mechanic everyone had a prescribed set of tools, each etched with the squadron # and tool box #, inventoried weekly and after any big job to ensure no tool left in a plane where it could cause problems. We called the 12" Crescent a Many 16th's since the standard wrenches were spread by 16th's.

Around this neck of the woods it's called an Arkansas speed wrench

no such thing as a lost socket. we checked out a specific tool box for the repair . inventoried first. when brought back to tool ben if anything was missing the bird was grounded until found.

Originally Posted by shine

no such thing as a lost socket. we checked out a specific tool box for the repair . inventoried first. when brought back to tool ben if anything was missing the bird was grounded until found.

Guys assigned to our shop were issued a numbered toolbox rather than checking one out from the tool crib, but I can see the benefit of the method your unit used, especially for an active combat unit.

Maurice said to his friend Benny " My wife Sadie and I are always holding hands. "

Benny replied "You must love her so much then."

"It's not that," said Maurice, "it's because if I let go she shops!"
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A woman arrives home from work and her husband notices she's wearing a diamond necklace. He asks his wife, "Where did you get that necklace?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, the women arrives home from work wearing a diamond bracelet. Her husband asks, "Where did you get the bracelet?"
She replies, "I won it in a raffle at work. Go get my bath ready while I start dinner."
The next day, her husband notices she arrives home from work wearing a mink coat. He says, "I suppose you won that in a raffle at work?"
She replies, "Yeah I did! How did you guess? Go get my bath ready while I start supper."
Later after supper, she goes to take her bath and she notices there is only one inch of water in the tub. She yells to her husband, "HEY! There's only an inch of water in the tub."
He replies, "I didn't want you to get your raffle ticket wet."
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Behind every angry woman is a man who has absolutely no idea of what he did wrong.
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A married couple in their early 60 ' s were celebrating their 40th Wedding Anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, "For being such a wonderful married couple and for being so loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
The wife answered, "Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband." The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment: "Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I am."
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 93 years old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female.
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A 5 year old girl went to visit her grandmother one day. She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture. At one point, she looked up and asked: "Grandma. how come you don't have a boyfriend?"
Grandma replied: "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good and the comedies make me laugh. So I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little girl heard the doorbell ring so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said: "Hello young lady. Is your grandma home?"

The little girl replied: "Yeah. she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."
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I went out on a date last night with a police officer named Tina.
We saw the movie Evita.
This morning, she got up and said, "I'm going to make a full English breakfast."

I replied, "Don't fry for me, Sergeant Tina."
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A police officer came to my house and asked me where I was between 4 and 5.
He seemed irritated when I answered "Kindergarten."
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The first year of marriage the men talk and the women listen.
The second year of marriage the wives talk and the men listen.
The third year of marriage they both talk and the neighbors listen.
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A husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table:
Husband gets up in a rage and says. "And you are no good in bed either." And storms out of the house.
After some time he realises he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up.
She comes to the phone after many rings and the irritated husband says. "What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says. "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"
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Last night I visited a stately home and I said to the guide: "Is this place supposed to be haunted as rumours would have it’?"
He replied: "In all the time that I have worked here, I have never seen a ghost".
I said: "That is a relief. How long have you worked here?"
He said: "About 700 years".
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I've just lost 3 fingers on my hand.

I asked the doctor if I could still write with it.

He said maybe, but I wouldn't count on it.
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