Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

A tough old cowboy from West Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gun powder on her oatmeal every morning. The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103, when she died. She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

Everyone is talking about the possibility of Cannabis being legalized.
Talk on the street indicates that Willie Nelson might even start his own Retail Bizz.
One News reporter said this:
"If you buy an ounce, it's called a Full Nelson"
"if you buy a half ounce it's called a Half Nelson"
but
"If you buy less that that, it's called a Little Willie"

A man took 2 stuffed dogs to the Antiques Roadshow when it visited his home town.

”Ooh”, said the presenter. “This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?”

“Sticks?”, said the appraiser.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag. "So Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in, and when I finish, it works just like new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled, leaned over, and whispered to the mechanic...

"Try doing it with the engine running"

Just Fishing ...

The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A tipsy looking, curious gentleman came over to him asked what he was doing.
"Fishing" the old man said simply.
(Poor old fool),the gentleman thought and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
As he felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whisky, the gentleman asked, "And how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth," the old man Answered.

Unknown Quote: "Respect the old when you are young. Help the weak when you are strong. Confess the fault when you are wrong. Because one day in life, you will be old, Weak, and Wrong!"

"ALMOST".... as good as Fishing! roflmao..

Two great white sharks were swimming in the ocean when they spied survivors of a sunken ship.


"Follow me son" the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few times with all of our fins showing."
And they did.

"Now we eat everybody."
And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first? Why did we swim around and around them?"

His wise father replied, "Because they taste better if you scare the shit out of them first!"


No need to thank me . I just try to learn something new every day.

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

One of the late great B B King's favorite jokes to tell onstage.

By his own admission, B.B. loved the ladies, in his younger years he had many ladies in his life. One gal entered his life, fell hard for him, and decided to do something special for B.B., hoping to be his chosen gal. She went down to the tattoo parlor, Had a big ole B tattooed on her butt, one on each cheek. B.B. came home that night and was undressing in the bedroom. As he was sitting on the bed, pulling on his slippers, the gal stood in front of him, pulled down her panties, bent over in front of him, and says "What do you think of this, B.B.?" BB replied "Who's Bob?"

Thanks Em! That was funny!!

Texas Cycle Gangs Clash !

Texas cycling gangs clash, leaving nine critically offended

Originally Posted by MelloYello

Texas Cycle Gangs Clash !

Texas cycling gangs clash, leaving nine critically offended

Even funnier! They (the cops) Shoulda let them keep their guns and just wait for the shooting to end. The gene pool would've improved!

My good friend, machinist, fabricator and mechanic is a Cossack member and he said that their Chapter in DFW knew about the CoC (Confederation of Clubs). They also knew that the Bandidos would be officiating and that alone guaranteed trouble so they didn't participate.
"End Hi-Jack"

3 old rodders are standing around. First one says "Windy today." Second one: "No, I think it's Thursday." Third one: "Me too! Let's get a beer."