Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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A lady walks into a bar with a duck under her arm and an old drunk at the end of the bar says in a slurd voice, "Where'd ya get that pig." The lady promptly responds, "It's not a pig it's a duck." The old man says, "I know, that's who I was speaking to."

A giraffe walks into a bar and says, "The highballs are on me."! (effect enhanced with an complimentory rimshot)

What do a Harley and Hoover vacuum have in common?
The dirtbag attched to the rear of it!
(If I'm hated after that one I have no one to blame except my buddy who told it to me... I must admit I found it very funny.) A word of caution: Don't tell that one in a crowded bar during the Sturgis Harley fest. Still having a hard time seeing straight.

There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.

They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.

So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still.

So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three huge back thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT". he won!

Originally posted by lt1s10
There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo.

They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still.

So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still.

So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three huge back thick furs, and retrieved one of several small balls of ice there. He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT". he won!

now that what I call a ball of gas

Originally posted by john gemmer
now that what I call a ball of gas

He took one of the small balls of ice and put it in a spoon, and held a match under it. When it heated up enough, it went "FFFAAAARRRRTTT".

know what that is john? thats an old geezer being born.

A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted friend asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, "Thank goodness, I thought I was cripple

Originally posted by Streets
You speakin' from experience LT1?? 'er did yer parents tell ya dat one!!!

if the old fart fits.. then wear it.

Originally posted by Streets
I always knew ya wuz a Fart Smellar LT1... 'er I meant "Smart Fellar"...

i know what you meant. sometimes i think we both came from the same smart fart.

Man who fart in church sit in own pew. aw! another wise proverb man who fart in jar save on gas

Do you know why bald men cut holes in there pockets so they can run there fingers through there hair

Why do conversations between men always come down to the subject of farts?

Originally posted by Jerilynne1965
Why do conversations between men always come down to the subject of farts?

I do not no this I'm not worthy ask streets or mike they started it

Originally posted by Jerilynne1965
Why do conversations between men always come down to the subject of farts?

let me count the ways..... it takes less effort to do than anything else i know of.

You sure wouldn't know that it takes LESS effort by the strained effort face I see frequently from the men around me ha ha!!!!

Subject: The Pharmicist


Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door
by his sobbing wife.

Tearfully she explained, It's the druggist. He
insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. I
had to call multiple times before he would even
answer the phone.

Immediately, the husband drove downtown to
confront the druggist and demand an apology.

Before he could say more than a word or two,
the druggist told him, Now, just a minute, listen
to my side of it.

This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I
was late getting up.

I went without breakfast and hurried out to
the car, just to realize that I locked the house
with both house and car keys inside and had to
break a window to get my keys.

Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding
ticket.

Later, when I was about three blocks from the
store, I had a flat tire.
When I finally got to the store there was a bunch
of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store

opened and started waiting on these people, and all
the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook.

He continued, Then I had to break a roll of nickels
against the cash register drawer to make change,
and they spilled all over the floor. I had to get
down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels
and the phone was still ringing.

When I came up I cracked my head on the open
cash drawer, which made me stagger back against
a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it.
Half of them hit the floor and broke.

Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let
up,
and I finally got back to answer it.

It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use
a rectal thermometer.

And believe me mister, as God is my witness,
all I did was tell her.

A three-year-old little boy was examining his
testicles while taking a bath.


"Mama," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Mama answered, "Not yet."