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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3916
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)

    Q. Name the four seasons
    A.. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

    Q. How is dew formed
    A.. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

    Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
    A.. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

    Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
    A.. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

    Q. What are steroids
    A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope)

    Q... What happens to your body as you age
    A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

    Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
    A.. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true)

    Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
    A.. Premature death

    Q. What is artificial insemination
    A... When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

    Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
    A.. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant)

    Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
    A.. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U (wtf!)

    Q. What is the fibula?
    A.. A small lie

    Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
    A.. Nearby

    Q. What is the most common form of birth control
    A.. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

    Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
    A.. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

    Q. What is a seizure?
    A.. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

    Q. What is a terminal illness
    A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

    Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
    A.. Benign is what you will be after you be eight (brilliant)

    AND THE BEST IS LAST:

    Q. What is a turbine?
    A.. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head. Once a Arab boy reaches puberty, he removes his diaper and wraps it around his head. (now we're getting somewhere
    NTFDAY, TOW'D and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #3917
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    The following questions were set in last year's GED examination
    These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
    In today's system they probably gave points for creativity, and passed all of the little darlings to not damage their sensitive little psyche's!!
    NTFDAY, johnboy and t-top havoc like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  3. #3918
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks across the barnyard and kicks the shit out of the peacock.
    NTFDAY, johnboy, 34_40 and 2 others like this.

  4. #3919
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I went to an antique auction on Saturday.

    Three people bid on me...
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, t-top havoc and 1 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  5. #3920
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    I walked down the street to the fancy dress party dressed as a screwdriver..

    I turned a few heads...
    NTFDAY, TOW'D and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  6. #3921
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Along the lines of TOW'D's multi-colored egg tale, an old, retired Navy guy was sitting on a park bench enjoying the sunshine and spring weather when a group of young folks came and sat nearby, talking trash to one another, playing loud rap "music" and generally destroying the peaceful nature of the park for everyone else. One boy had a tall mohawk hairdo standing 6" high, waxed stiff, dyed all the colors of the rainbow, plus colorful sleeve tatoos on both arms. The grizzled old sailor was sitting there, looking at the young guy and after a while the kid called out, "Hey old man, what are you looking at? How about you mind your own business and leave us alone!!"
    The grizzled sailor paused a bit, and with his raspy voice said, "I'm sorry son, but I was taken back about 20 years to a night outside of Shanghai where I got so drunk they told me the next morning that I'd made love to a parrot. I guess I was just wondering if you might be my grandson!"
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, glennsexton and 3 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #3922
    Navy7797 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1940 Ford p/u
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    A Horse walks into a bar and the Bartender says " Why the long face".
    johnboy and t-top havoc like this.

  8. #3923
    glennsexton's Avatar
    glennsexton is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 63 Nova SS
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    A group of 40 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally , it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

    10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the food there was very good and the wine selection was good also.

    10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they could eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean.

    10 years later, at 70 years of age ,the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because the restaurant was wheelchair accessible and they even had an elevator.

    10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View Restaurant because they had never been there before.
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, johnboy and 4 others like this.
    "Where the people fear the government you have tyranny. Where the government fears the people you have liberty." John Basil Barnhil

  9. #3924
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    "Dad there is something my boyfriend said to me that I didn't understand. He said I have a beautiful chassis, lovely airbags, and a fantastic bumper," the 16-year-old said.

    Dad's response: "Tell your boyfriend that if he opens your bonnet and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, then I will tighten his nuts so hard that his headlights will pop out and he will start leaking out of his exhaust pipe!"
    NTFDAY, t-top havoc and Navy7797 like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  10. #3925
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I can't find my Gone in 60 Seconds DVD.

    It was here a minute ago.
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, t-top havoc and 2 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  11. #3926
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    I bought a new toilet brush five days ago.

    Long story short; I'm shifting back to paper.
    NTFDAY, t-top havoc and Navy7797 like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  12. #3927
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    My hens got too old to lay anymore, so I went to a chicken farm to buy some more to replace them. The farmer told me that the only chickens they had left were an exotic breed from the mountain ranges in Asia, so I bought ten young hens from him.
    Three months later I noticed that one of them was obviously a rooster.
    Then I noticed he was laying eggs too!
    What on earth is happening here?
    So I went back to the farmer taking the rooster with me to ask him what on earth is going on here.
    He took one look at it and told me: "Oh it's obvious. Himalayan rooster!
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, t-top havoc and 1 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #3928
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.
    They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.
    The angel said “Unfortunately, there’s only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted.”
    The Angel asked Dolly if there was some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly took off her top and said, “Look at these, they’re the most perfect breasts God ever created and I’m sure it will please God to be able to see them every day for eternity.”
    The Angel thanked Dolly, and asked Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the same question.
    The Queen walked over to a toilet, pulled the lever and flushes it without saying a word.
    The Angel immediately said, “OK, your Majesty, you may go into Heaven.”
    Dolly was outraged and asked, "What was that all about? I showed you two of God’s own perfect creations and you turned me down. She simply flushed a commode and she got admitted to Heaven! Would you explain that to me?
    “Sorry, Dolly,” said the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3929
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    I got sent to the shop this morning to bring home six cans of Sprite.
    When I got home I got yelled at by SWMBO.
    It turns ought I'd picked 7Up.
    NTFDAY and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  15. #3930
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    "How's the diet going?"
    "I had eggs for breakfast."
    "Fried or scrambled?"
    "Neither. Cadbury's."
    NTFDAY and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

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