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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3781
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Got it now!
    johnboy likes this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  2. #3782
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I spent $250 on a limousine and just found out the fee doesn't include the driver.

    All that money and nothing to chauffeur it!
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  3. #3783
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.

    Could it be that "I do" is the longest?
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #3784
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is online now CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Guilty.... Perhaps "Shade Tree Mechanic"?
    -
    wrenches.jpg
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  5. #3785
    34_40's Avatar
    34_40 is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 34 Ford 3W Coupe Replica
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    And what's funniest in that picture.. they are doing it wrong! LOL
    TOW'D and johnboy like this.

  6. #3786
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Quote Originally Posted by 34_40 View Post
    And what's funniest in that picture.. they are doing it wrong! LOL
    You're right.

    But I have to admit I've taken to a recalcitrant nut or bolt by using that method...

    And taken a bit of bark off my knuckles or the back of my hand...
    34_40 likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  7. #3787
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is online now CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Quote Originally Posted by 34_40 View Post
    And what's funniest in that picture.. they are doing it wrong! LOL
    You're right if he's tightening, but if he's loosening the nut he's golden! I've used the second wrench lever more for trying to break something loose than trying to crank it tighter. Just sayin'.....
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, johnboy and 1 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  8. #3788
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I must've got tangled with Hank's (TOW"D) big fingers.
    Last edited by johnboy; 11-30-2023 at 07:38 PM.
    TOW'D likes this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  9. #3789
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    lady enters a fishmongers and asks for three cod fillets
    "I'm sorry madam , we have sold out of cod "
    "OH! " she says " Ah well three cod fillets then "
    " sorry madam , we have no cod at all "
    " Um, in that cae i will have three cod fillets " she says yet again
    "listen love , spell plaice for me " says the monger
    " p.l.a.i.c.e. " she says
    " excellent , now can you spell salmon " he asks her
    " s.a.l.m.o.n. " comes the reply .
    " brilliant , now spell cod "
    " C.O.D. " he hears from her sweet lips
    "where's the F ?" asks the fishmonger looking at her quizzically
    The lady looks surprised & informs the fishmonger " There is no F in cod "
    " Finally " he says "NOW what would you like instead "
    NTFDAY, johnboy, stovens and 1 others like this.

  10. #3790
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is online now CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    LOL I sometimes get a small bit of education from johnboy's & TOW'D's posts here. jb tosses in NZ slang terms that often have me wondering, and today it's "plaice" from TOW'D! My first reaction was "There's no 'I' in the word PLACE, like a noun is a person, place or thing. But then I Googled the spelling and learned that a plaice is a variety of flounder, a common european term! Fishmonger isn't in my day-to-day vocabulary, but I'm familiar enough with the term for a shop selling fish.
    They say one should learn something every day, so today I've learned the name "plaice"!! Thanks, TOW'D!!
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  11. #3791
    stovens's Avatar
    stovens is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I got to know a lot of different fish species serving as a Foreign fishery Observer on a Korean fishing vessel, monitoring and reporting daily catch to NOAA, during fishing seasons that foreign boats were allowed to fish in US waters up in the Bering Sea in Alaska. this was in the late 1980's. Alaska really was and is the last frontier, trust me on this!


    https://www.google.com/search?q=plai...hrome&ie=UTF-8
    Last edited by stovens; 12-01-2023 at 10:48 AM.
    johnboy and t-top havoc like this.
    " "No matter where you go, there you are!" Steve.

  12. #3792
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Two locals from a small town are critiquing their new neighbour.
    "Is he a big fella?" asks one.
    "Well of you're going to walk around him take a packed lunch."
    NTFDAY, 34_40 and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #3793
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    I bought a teddy for $10, named him Mohammed then sold him on for $20.

    Question is, did I make a prophet?
    NTFDAY and stovens like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3794
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    it is getting harder trying to keep up with johnboy

    In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.

    After welcoming his replacement and showing the courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches) that protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. God, he's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."

    Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three foot tall.

    "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."

    "Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines.


    I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of ..."


    Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, the CO can find all that in your file.

    Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to get f*cked.

  15. #3795
    johnboy is offline CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I was dating a beautiful cross-eyed girl for the last twelve months.

    We broke up 'cos she was seeing someone else.
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, 34_40 and 2 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

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