the Official CHR joke page duel

The Kitchen Bitch
>
>A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son
>playing with his new electric train in the living room.
>She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you sons of bitches
>who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And
>all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses in the
>train...cause we're going down the tracks."
>The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind
>of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are
>to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you co me out, you may play with your
>train...but I want you to use nice language."
>Two hours later, the son ca me out of the bedroom and resumed playing
>with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son
>say..."All passengers, please re me mber your things, thank you and hope
>your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."
>She heard her little darling continue..."For those of you just boarding,
>remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a
>pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
>As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
>pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the
>kitchen...."

A man goes to a dentist to have a tooth pulled. The dentist pulls out a needle.
"No way! No needles! I hate needles!" the patient said.
The dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man again objects.
"I can't do the gas thing - the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me!"
The dentist then asks if the man has any objection to taking a pill.
"No objection", the patient says, "I am fine with pills".
The dentist left for a moment and when he returned, says "Here is a Viagra tablet."
The patient says, "Wow - I didn't know the V-Pill worked as a pain killer!"
"It doesn't," said the dentist, "but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull out your tooth."

A scene on the ceiling of a smoking area -

What a way to go

Not after last sunday

Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?

Anyone going faster than me is good cause they can get the cops attention

lead,follow or get the hell out of the way!:3dSMILE: :3dSMILE:

For you golfers

maybe a repost but a goodie just the same

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods.

What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.


He turned to look and saw a 7 foot grizzly bear charge towards him.

He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him.

He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer.

He tripped and fell on the ground.

He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him.


At that instant the Atheist cried out to the Lord.


Time stopped, the bear froze, the forest was silent. A bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky, "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"


The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"


"Very well," said the voice.


The light went out.


The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke:


"Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive through Christ our Lord, Amen."

It's a very sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his wife are facing divorce and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg. Personally, I think it's prosthetic.

News reports have confirmed that Paul McCartney has separated from his wife Heather Mills-McCartney. Mrs Mills-McCartney is said to be distraught over the split. "He has been my crutch for so long"! She said in an earlier briefing, "I have no idea why this has happened, I'm really stumped!"

"She's running around in circles", according to a close friend, "she will need all the support she can get. It's not like its easy to walk out on a relationship like this!"

After his break up with Heather, Paul was asked if he would ever consider going down on one knee again. Paul said he would prefer it if we called her Heather.

It is not known whether a pre-nuptial agreement was sign ed prior to the marriage. Paul McCartney is one of the richest men in the world, and if an agreement has been signed it is believed that she won't have a leg to stand on.

Rumours abound over the split which have suggested that infidelity may have been the cause. "She's terrible" a source stated, "always trying to get her leg over".

Another source has suggested that her battle with alcoholism was the cause. "Macca couldn't handle it anymore" a friend said, "he would get home at night and find her legless!"

Many have attributed this to a problem which started with the present that Paul bought her prior to the wedding. He gave her a new prosthetic leg for Christmas but that was just a stocking-filler.

A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his mate "I'm f---ed, who will want a one legged gold digger?" His mate says "try Paul McCartney"



A poem by Sir Paul McCartney:

I lay upon a grassy bank
My hands were all a quiver
I slowly removed her suspender belt
And her leg fell in the river.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats and that's it; don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually.
Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruit and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Grass and hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is a nothing more than an efficient way of delivering vegetables to your system. Grass is a green leafy vegetable and beef is a good place to source it. Need grains? Eat chicken. And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more goodness that way. Also, beer is made from grain. BOTTOMS UP!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, and so on.

Q: What are some of the benefits of participating in a regular exercise programme?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain....Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT PAYING ATTENTION! Foods these days are fried in vegetable oil. In fact they're saturated in it. How can getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me getting a bit soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle it gets bigger, so you should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO! Cocoa beans? Another vegetable!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in shape impotant for my life-style?
A: Hey! "Round " is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


johnboy

An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.

She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating.

She walked up to the group and with a big smile said: "Do you men know Jesus Christ?"

They shook their heads and looked at each other.

One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?"

One of the steelworkers yelled down a "Yea. Why"?

The worker yelled back "His wife is here with his lunch!"

A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?" asked the lawyer. Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"
Clyde said, "well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question"

By this time, the judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie"

Clyde thanked the judge and proceeded. "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, My favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just be her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his gun and shot her right between the eyes.

Then, the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me and said, "How are you feeling?"

NOW WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU SAY?:HMMM:

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner
>with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to
>her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love
>for the first time. Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
>before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells
>the pharmacist it's his first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for
>about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms
>and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
>he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on
>the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his
>first time and all.
> That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets
>his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my
>parents, come on in!" The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

>where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace
>and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,
>with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.
>Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over
>and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
> The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your
> father was a pharmacist."



Don

I would bet this has happened

There is something familiar about this....but I can't remember what it is. :-)~

happens to me all the time, dif. is i'm the one waiting. :whacked: :3dSMILE:

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to
have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at
the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her
manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll
in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two
of my girls on them. They won't know the difference”.

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and
take care of their business.

As they are walking home, the first man says, "You know, I think my
girl was dead!"

"Dead?" says his friend, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving
her."

His friend says, "Could be worse. I think mine was a witch."

"A witch? Why the hell would you say that?"

"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave
her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window.

A Martian lands his space-craft at a petrol station on Earth. While the attendant is filling it, he notices the letters UFO on the fuel tank.
"Hey man, does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked.
"Nah...Unleaded Fuel Only".

johnboy

It won't let me post it I'll try another way

sorry guys

Redneck "time out."

She told me we couldn't afford
beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on makeup.

And I asked her how come I had to give
up my stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to
look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

For those who live in the Northern half of the world:

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler



December 8
6:00 PM . It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife
And I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the
huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every
inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more
lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both
our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came
along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to
shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My
neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No
snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much
snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't
think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away,
but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but
I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4. Bought
snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the
freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I
think that's silly. We aren't inAlaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway
putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour,
which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to
stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to
irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to
death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too
busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only
hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob
says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the
white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt
till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed
again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23
Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to
decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she nuts!!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but
I think she's lying.

December 24
6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that
snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death
with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits
or me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles
an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and
open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25
Merry -bleeping- Christmas! 20 more inches of the slop tonight.
Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the
Snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER
idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, plumber came after
14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1400 to replace
all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave
in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver he is now suing me
for a million dollars not only the beating I gave him but also for
trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The
wife went home to her mother. 9" predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving
me.

Why am I tied to this funny bed?

9" predicted.

Thats why she really went back to her moms, ex was waiting there

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the
table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500," After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John does not, John should be at her house around 2:00p.m.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon? Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500," Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

Thats called having the " upper hand ":LOL: :LOL:

Why are gay men always the first to check out of a motel in the morning?


They pack their shit the night before.

sorry about the last joke


Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent news broadcast,

it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Louella,

was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband

as her famous sister had done several years ago..

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.



She allegedly missed the target

and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh

causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition,

and Louella has been charged with

.



.













A Misdewiener!

A man in Christchurch calls his son in Auckland two days before Christmas and says "I hate toruin your day, but i have to tell you that your maother and I are divorcing."
"What ? Why, Dad ?" the son asks.
"After 40 years we can't stand the sight of each other. It's over. I'm moving out tomorrow," the father says. "I'm sick of talking about this - you call your sister in Dunedin and tell her."

The old man hangs up.

Frantic the son calls his sister, who is upset at the news. "They can't get divorced," she says, "I'll talk to them."
She calls her father, "You can't get a divorce, Dad. you and Mum have been so happy together. At least don't make a decision untill I get there. We'll both be there by tomorrow. Untill then, dont do a thing."

She hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're both coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Subject: : Retirement Planning
>
>
>
> If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
> now be worth $49.00.
>
> With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
>
> With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
>
> If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
> $49.00 left
>
> But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
> all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND,
> you would have had $214.00.
>
> Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
> heavily and recycle.
>
> It's called the **401-Keg Plan.**:D :D

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her faithful aged poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost.. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says.

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with old farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience.

I am in no way insinuating that any of you are old, some are just more "youth challenged" than others!!!!

Notice the size of this print?

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated

doctors searching through the flower beds.

"Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?"

"No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart

transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a suitable rock."

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright
ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject
financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very,very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really
bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

Let's see if I understand

how the world works lately...


If a man cuts his finger off
while slicing salami at work,

he blames the restaurant.


If you smoke three packs a day
for 40 years and die of lung cancer,

your family blames
the tobacco company.


If your neighbor crashes into a tree
while driving home drunk,

he blames the bartender.

If your grandchildren
are brats without manners,

you blame television.


If your friend is shot
by a deranged madman,

you blame the gun manufacturer.


And if a crazed person breaks into
the cockpit and tries to kill
the pilot at 35,000 feet,
and the passengers kill him instead,

the mother of the crazed deceased
blames the airline.


I must have lived too long
to understand the world anymore.


So, if I die while my old, wrinkled behind is parked in front of this computer,

I want all of you
to blame Bill Gates...okay?:LOL: :LOL: :LOL:

THE YEAR 1906
This will boggle your mind, I know it did mine!
The year is 1906.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!
Here are some statistics for the Year 1906 :
************************************
The average life expectancy was 47 years.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The average wage was 22 cents per hour.
The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2,000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME .
Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as "substandard."
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.
Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!!!!
Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea hadn't been invented yet.
There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, "Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health." ( Shocking? DUH! )
Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
Now I forwarded this from someone else without typing it myself, and sent it to you and others all over the United States, Canada possibly the world, in a matter of seconds!
Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years. :HMMM: :LOL:

Imagine what it'll be like in 100 years? Probably like 1906 again!!!

PURINA DIET
I was in Walmart buying a large bag of Purina for Lola and was in
line to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog........ Duh!

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her no, I was
starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd
ended
up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and
IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.
I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally
buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way
it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The package said the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by
now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me
and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said no.....I'd been sitting in the street licking my butt when a
car hit me.

I thought the tall guy was going to have to be carried out the door.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DennyW

Good One Mike !! :LOL: :LOL:

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talking about dogs, i stay in the dog house so much, when co. comes i don't know whether to smell their butt, or shake their hand. :CRY: :whacked: :LOL: