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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #2176
    vara4's Avatar
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    Mexican Oysters

    A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following
    a day roaming around in Mexico.

    While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling,
    scrumptious looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it
    look good, the smell was wonderful.

    He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'

    The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent
    taste! Those are called Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull
    fight this morning. A delicacy!'

    The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order..'

    he waiter replied, 'I am so sorry, senor. There is only one serving per day
    because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and
    place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'

    The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening
    was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites,
    inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are
    delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
    yesterday.'

    The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.
    Sometimes the bull wins.

  2. #2177
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    A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone.

    She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?"

    "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked.

    He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

  3. #2178
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    Marriage Counseling

    After 35 years of marriage, a husband and wife went in for counseling.

    When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the years they had been married.

    On and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved, and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured.

    Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking the wife to stand, he embraced and kissed her long and passionately as the husband watched ... with a raised eyebrow.

    The woman shut up, and quietly sat down as
    though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, "This is what your wife needs at least 3 times a week. Can you do this?"

    The husband replied, " Well ... I can drop her off here on Mondays, and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish."

    ..
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  4. #2179
    vara4's Avatar
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    Seems perfectly logical to me!!!!

     



    Seems perfectly logical to me!!!! An Arab enters a taxi..........Once he is seated he asks the cab driver to turn off the radio because he must not hear music as decreed by his religionand, in the time of the prophet, there was no music, especially Western music which is music of the infidel's and certainly no radio ........ So the cab driver politely switches off the radio, stops the cab and opens the back door. The Arab asks him: “Watt are you doing?” The cabby answers: “In the time of the prophet there were no taxis. So get out and wait for a camel.”

  5. #2180
    IC2
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    A business man got on an elevator

    When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright,
    "T-G-I-F."

    He smiled at her and replied,
    "S-H-I-T...."

    She looked puzzled and repeated,
    "T-G-I-F," more slowly.

    He again answered,
    "S-H-I-T...."

    The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said
    As sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F."

    The man smiled back to her and once again,
    "S-H-I-T...."

    The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain.

    "T-G-I-F" means "Thank God, It's Friday." Get it, duuhhh?"

    The man answered,
    "S-H-I-T" means "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday"--DUUHHH...


    ]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
    Dave W
    I am now gone from this forum for now - finally have pulled the plug

  6. #2181
    rspears's Avatar
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    Some statistics about men:

    Statistics.jpg
    Last edited by rspears; 04-04-2012 at 02:15 PM.
    choppedchevy and lamin8r like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  7. #2182
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    Wow!! King Kong is female !!!!!!!!!!
    Regards
    Bob Thomas

    "if aussies were to steer from the left like the yanks, that would mean our women are always right!! "

  8. #2183
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    Holy Cow,

    You're right Roger but I did notice her eyes are brown.

    Jack.
    www.clubhotrod.com/forums/showthread.php?t=44081

  9. #2184
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    Ageing and Exercise

     



    Walking can add minutes to your life.
    This enables you at 85 years old
    to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing
    home at $4,000 per month.



    My grandpa started walking
    five miles a day when he was 60.
    Now he's 97 years old
    and we have no idea where the hell he is.

    I like long walks,
    especially when they are taken
    by people who annoy me.


    The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

    I have to walk early in the morning,

    Before my brain figures out what I’m doing…

    I joined a health club last year,
    spent about 250 bucks.
    Haven't lost a pound.
    Apparently you have to go there!

    Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise',
    I wash my mouth out with chocolate.


    I do have flabby thighs,
    but fortunately my stomach covers them.

    The advantage of exercising every day
    is so when you die, they'll say,
    'Well, he looks good doesn't he.'

    If you are going to try cross-country skiing,
    start with a small country.

    I know I got a lot of exercise
    the last few years,......
    just getting over the hill.


    We all get heavier as we get older,
    because there's a lot more information in our heads.
    That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

    AND

    Every time I start thinking too much
    about how I look,
    I just find a pub with a Happy Hour
    and by the time I leave,
    I look just fine.



    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

  10. #2185
    42K3's Avatar
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    An old man and an old woman we're fooling around in the closet at a nursing home.

    Things were getting hot and heavy. The woman says to the man:

    "I should warn you, I have acute angina."

    The man replied:

    "Thank God, your tits look like hell!"

  11. #2186
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    An old man goes to answer a knock at the door one evening.... to find two sheriff deputy's standing there.

    Sir, are you married?" One deputy asked. "Why yes," the old man replied "for 48 years."

    "Do you have a photograph of your wife sir?" the second deputy questioned.

    The old man pulled a picture out his wallet and handed to the officers. They looked it over and handed it back to him.

    "Sir, I'm sorry but it looks like your wife has been hit by a truck."


    The old man says, "I know sir, but she's got a wonderful personality and she's a great cook."
    lamin8r likes this.
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  12. #2187
    MelloYello's Avatar
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    A Winter Morning in Montana:

    Wife Texts Husband On A Cold Winters Morning
    "windows Frozen"

    Husband Texts Back
    "use Hot Water"

    Wife Texts Back,
    "Computer Completely %$#&@ Now"
    glennsexton, rspears and lamin8r like this.
    .
    " I'm drinking from my saucer, 'cause my cup is overflowed ! "

  13. #2188
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    Quote Originally Posted by rspears View Post
    Some statistics about men:

    Attachment 53679
    Yeah,right...where??
    Micah 6:8

    If we aren't supposed to have midnight snacks,,,WHY is there a light in the refrigerator???

    Robin.

  14. #2189
    rspears's Avatar
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    ""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?" George Carlin
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  15. #2190
    RestoRod's Avatar
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    Woman

     





    Woman is a man's best friend.
    She will reassure him when he feels insecure
    and comfort him after a bad day.

    She will inspire him to do things he never
    thought he could do;
    to live without fear
    and forget regret.

    She will enable him to
    express his deepest emotions and give in to his most intimate desires.

    She will make sure
    he always feels that he's the most handsome man in the room and will enable him to be confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible.



    No wait...... sorry...... I'm thinking of beer.

    Its beer that does all that.

    Sorry.

    .
    Remember, Freedom isn't Free, thousands have paid the price so you can enjoy what you have today.

    Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

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