Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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Whenever the missus is upset I let her colour in my tattoos.

She just needs a shoulder to crayon.

Jake went to see a hooker.
He knocks on the door and a voice from the other side says "Wadda ya want?"
"I want to come in," said Jake.
"Put $100 through the mail slot," said the voice.
Jake does so and nothing happens.
"Hey!" cries Jake, "I wanna be screwed!"
"What?" called the voice.
"Again?"

The Pastor interrupts his sermon to ask three men sitting in the front row; "If your loved ones were at your coffin looking down at you in it, what would you want them to say to you?"
Bill: "I was a good husband and father."
Fred: "That I lived a good life of kindness to others."
Jim: "Look! He's moving!"

My missus has just told me that She has broken her Sat Nav and wants $150 for a new one.

I told her to get lost.

Sex education in schools should be just listening to a baby cry for six straight hours at full volume while watching Peppa Pig on repeats.

THAT will ensure they won't have sex!

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
I'll be right down. Let's see Anita, Ia to Mohave Valley at 80 MPH average, should be about 20 hours.

sh sh don't tell anyone I developing a new chocolate peanut butter fuge cookie can't spell to good my mouth is watering up to much smelling them cook

Originally posted by john gemmer
sh sh don't tell anyone I developing a new chocolate peanut butter fuge cookie can't spell to good my mouth is watering up to much smelling them cook

Dang, Can you say "Road Trip". That sounds really delicious, John.

Originally posted by john gemmer
http://www.topeuro.co.uk/blagger/the_duel.html

Man, John we done forgot the jokes. And I forgot to thank you for that link. That was really great.

O kay before I get in to trouble for hijacking the post here another joke A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a
uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!"
The cop asked, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Crown Royal and women with big boobs

Originally posted by DennyW
Subject: A Heart Warming Story





This will warm your heart.

Just when you have lost faith in human kindness. . . Someone who teaches at

a Middle School in Safety Harbor, Florida forwarded the following letter.

The letter was sent to the principal's office after the school had sponsored

a luncheon for the elderly. An old lady received a new radio at the lunch as

a door prize, and was writing to say thank you. This story is a credit to

all human kind. Forward to anyone you know who might need a lift today!



Dear Safety Harbor Middle School :

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent senior citizens

luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at the Safety Harbor Assisted Home for

the Aged. All of my family has passed away I am all alone now and it's nice

to know that someone is thinking of me God bless you for your kindness to an

old forgotten lady. My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but

before I received one, she would never let me listen to hers, even when she

was napping. The other day her radio fell off the night stand and broke into

a lot of pieces. It was awful and she was in tears. She asked if she could

listen to mine, and I said kiss my ass. Thank you for that opportunity.



Sincerely, Edna Walters

Oh denny! denny! what are we going to do with you ? I know give me more that was great

Denny, you've come up with a couple of great jokes. Thanks bud.
And John, nice chatting about chocolate with you.

Originally posted by Oldf100fordman
Denny, you've come up with a couple of great jokes. Thanks bud.
And John, nice chatting about chocolate with you.

any time I had to change the subject It was makeing me hungery

Not exactly a joke but one of the funniest things I have seen in years, a great group of guys to call if you have have car trouble.

http://www.kastang.net/pictures/snowtowcar.wmv

Opps I forgot the one about the co-worker with that annoying habit of singing, shuts her up every time (at least temporarily).

http://members.aon.at/pcnet/lachen/stfu.htm

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river,
>her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared
>and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?"
>
>The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and
>that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their
>family.
>
>The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble
>set with pearls.
>
>"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked
>
>The seamstress replied, "No."
>
>
>The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a silver thimble
>ringed with sapphires.
>
>
>"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
>
>Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
>
>The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
>
>"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.
>
>The seamstress replied, "Yes."
>
>The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three
>thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
>
>
>Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the
>riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the
>water.
>
>When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you
>crying?"
>
>"Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"
>
>The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
>
>"Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.
>
>"Yes," cried the seamstress.
>
>The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"
>
>The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a
>misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you
>would have come up with Brad Pitt. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would
>have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have
>given me all three . Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not
>be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes'
>to George Clooney. "
>
>And so the Lord let her keep him.
>