Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

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happens to me all the time, dif. is i'm the one waiting.

Two old men decide they are close to their last days and decide to
have a last night on the town. After a few drinks, they end up at
the local brothel.

The madam takes one look at the two old geezers and whispers to her
manager, "Go up to the first two bedrooms and put an inflated doll
in each bed. These two are so old and drunk, I'm not wasting two
of my girls on them. They won't know the difference”.

The manager does as he is told and the two old men go upstairs and
take care of their business.

As they are walking home, the first man says, "You know, I think my
girl was dead!"

"Dead?" says his friend, "Why do you say that?"

"Well, she never moved or made a sound all the time I was loving
her."

His friend says, "Could be worse. I think mine was a witch."

"A witch? Why the hell would you say that?"

"Well, I was making love to her, kissing her on the neck and I gave
her a little bite, then she farted and flew out the window.

A Martian lands his space-craft at a petrol station on Earth. While the attendant is filling it, he notices the letters UFO on the fuel tank.
"Hey man, does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?" he asked.
"Nah...Unleaded Fuel Only".

johnboy

It won't let me post it I'll try another way

sorry guys

Redneck "time out."

She told me we couldn't afford
beer anymore and I'd have to quit.

Then I caught her spending $65.00 on makeup.

And I asked her how come I had to give
up my stuff and she didn't.

She said she needed the makeup to
look pretty for me.

I told her that was what the beer was for.

I don't think she's coming back.

9" predicted.

Thats why she really went back to her moms, ex was waiting there

Two couples were playing poker one evening. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the
table to pick them up, he noticed Bill's wife Sue wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, John upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?" Surprised by her boldness, John courageously admitted that, well indeed, he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500," After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, John confirms that he is interested. She tells him that since her husband Bill works Friday afternoons and John does not, John should be at her house around 2:00p.m.

When Friday rolled around, John showed up at Bill's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum of $500, they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. John quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bill came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon entering the house, asked his wife abruptly. "Did John come by the house this afternoon? Sue answered, "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" In terror she assumed that somehow he had found out and after mustering her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500," Bill, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, Good, I was hoping he did. John came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised me he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back."

Thats called having the " upper hand "

Why are gay men always the first to check out of a motel in the morning?


They pack their shit the night before.

sorry about the last joke


Bobbitt Family Update

In a recent news broadcast,

it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister, Louella,

was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband

as her famous sister had done several years ago..

Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.



She allegedly missed the target

and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh

causing severe muscle and tendon damage.

The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition,

and Louella has been charged with

.



.













A Misdewiener!

A man in Christchurch calls his son in Auckland two days before Christmas and says "I hate toruin your day, but i have to tell you that your maother and I are divorcing."
"What ? Why, Dad ?" the son asks.
"After 40 years we can't stand the sight of each other. It's over. I'm moving out tomorrow," the father says. "I'm sick of talking about this - you call your sister in Dunedin and tell her."

The old man hangs up.

Frantic the son calls his sister, who is upset at the news. "They can't get divorced," she says, "I'll talk to them."
She calls her father, "You can't get a divorce, Dad. you and Mum have been so happy together. At least don't make a decision untill I get there. We'll both be there by tomorrow. Untill then, dont do a thing."

She hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they're both coming for Christmas and paying their own way."

Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during
a recent lovemaking session,
"How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?"
She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

Subject: : Retirement Planning
>
>
>
> If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would
> now be worth $49.00.
>
> With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1000.00.
>
> With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.
>
> If you had purchased $1000 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have
> $49.00 left
>
> But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank
> all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND,
> you would have had $214.00.
>
> Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink
> heavily and recycle.
>
> It's called the **401-Keg Plan.**