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Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel
          
   
   

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  1. #3976
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    I went for qn interview for a bus driving job. I said "Sorry I'm late!"

    He said "You're hired!"
    NTFDAY and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  2. #3977
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    For Johnboy:
    With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, johnboy and 2 others like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  3. #3978
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Quote Originally Posted by rspears View Post
    For Johnboy:
    With all of the harping from my doctors about healthy living I've found that I'm totally addicted to hiking! I'm taking steps to deal with my addiction but I'm not out of the woods yet....
    Well I've sure gotten old too so don't worry about it!
    I've had two bypass surgeries, new knees, fought prostate, cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications daily that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
    Have poor circulation, can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember my friends, nor can I remember if i'm 85 or 92.

    But thankfully I still have my driver's license!

    (And if you believe all that you're sillier than I am!)

    Last edited by johnboy; 05-22-2024 at 09:42 PM.
    NTFDAY, 34_40 and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  4. #3979
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    OK, I'll leave the play on words posts to jb from now on...
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  5. #3980
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Oops!
    Mea culpa!
    I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
    If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
    My bad.
    NTFDAY and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  6. #3981
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
    2,704

    My dad was bragging about his new hearing aid. He said, "It's State of the Art and cost me a small fortune!"
    I asked, "What type is it?"
    He said, "Two thirty-five."
    NTFDAY, TOW'D and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  7. #3982
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Gardner, KS
    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Quote Originally Posted by johnboy View Post
    Oops!
    Mea culpa!
    I noticed the puns, had a quiet chuckle, and thought I'd have to trump it. (Note no capital on the 'T', I'm not getting at him!)
    If it ruffled your feathers i'll go back and delete it.
    My bad.
    No ruffled feathers here! I just figured that the play on words must have taken a different meaning in the trip from north to south, like "a Maureen" or "a Sheila" referring to a random, likely attractive young gal in your stories, while up here those are just specific names. Or "Bob's your uncle!" said to someone up here will likely get a confused reply, "Bob Who? I've got no Uncle Bob that I know of....' (Other than OUR Uncle Bob Parmenter!!)


    No blood, no foul, all good - Bob's your uncle!
    Last edited by rspears; 05-24-2024 at 05:31 AM.
    johnboy and 34_40 like this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

  8. #3983
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    You can always trust a nudist.

    They have nothing to hide.
    NTFDAY, JOATMON and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  9. #3984
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
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    A young cowboy walks into a seedy old café in Wyoming. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of meaty chilli.

    After a few minutes of just watching him staring at the chili, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead."

    Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili.
    The sight was very shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili back into the bowl.

    The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got too!”
    NTFDAY, johnboy, 34_40 and 2 others like this.

  10. #3985
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    One morning a husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decided to take the boat out and go for a ride. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and began to read her book.
    A short time later, along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside the woman and said, “Good morning Ma’am. What are you doing?”
    “Reading a book,” she replied, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”)
    “You’re in a restricted fishing area,” he informed her.
    “I’m sorry officer, but I’m not fishing, I’m reading.”
    “Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”
    “If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” said the woman.
    “But I haven’t even touched you,” said the game warden.
    “That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”
    “Have a nice day ma’am,” he said, and he left.

    MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.

    It’s likely she can also think
    NTFDAY, JOATMON and t-top havoc like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  11. #3986
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
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    The main function of your little toe is to make sure all the furniture in the house is in the right place.
    Last edited by johnboy; 05-27-2024 at 09:49 PM.
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, glennsexton and 2 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  12. #3987
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    My ex-wife just told me that she wants us to get back together again.
    Man, I sure am lucky!
    I mean, first I won the Lottery, and now this!
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, glennsexton and 3 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  13. #3988
    johnboy is online now CHR Member Visit my Photo Gallery
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Tataraimaka NZ
    Car Year, Make, Model: `47 Ford sedan, A.C.Cobra replica.
    Posts
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    I said to my wife: "When I die I'd like to die having sex."
    She replied: "At least we'll know that it's quick."
    NTFDAY, TOW'D, 34_40 and 1 others like this.
    johnboy
    Mountain man. (Retired.)
    Some mistakes are too much fun to be made only once.
    I don't know everything about anything, and I don't know anything about lots of things.

    '47 Ford sedan. 350 -- 350, Jaguar irs + ifs.
    '49 Morris Minor. Datsun 1500cc, 5sp manual, Marina front axle, Nissan rear axle.
    '51 Ford school bus. Chev 400 ci Vortec 5 sp manual + Gearvendors 2sp, 2000 Chev lwb dually chassis and axles.
    '64 A.C. Cobra replica. Ford 429, C6 auto, Torana ifs, Jaguar irs.

  14. #3989
    TOW'D is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Feb 2004
    Location
    Bella Coola
    Car Year, Make, Model: 1948 Thames E83W- and many others
    Posts
    798

    When 3 people have sex
    It's called a Threesome

    when Two people have sex
    It's called a Twosome

    Now I understand
    Why they call you
    Handsome
    NTFDAY, johnboy and JOATMON like this.

  15. #3990
    rspears's Avatar
    rspears is offline CHR Member/Contributor Visit my Photo Gallery
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    Car Year, Make, Model: '33 HiBoy Coupe, '32 HiBoy Roadster
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    Today I placed an on-line order for two items, a chicken and an egg. I'll let you know which one comes first!!
    34_40 likes this.
    Roger
    Enjoy the little things in life, and you may look back one day and realize that they were really the BIG things.

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