Yellow:You're a brave man to post that. It's funny but I don't know if we can make fun of this new "president"?
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Yellow:You're a brave man to post that. It's funny but I don't know if we can make fun of this new "president"?
Barack Hussein Obama is the new president elect of these United States of America. Therefore he will be my new president, and no one has more respect for the office than I. It is that office of the greatest country on the planet for in which we have the freedom to say what we like without fear of reprisal.Quote:
Originally Posted by butch27
God bless America!
Every Pres for the last 200+ years has been lampooned. What's so special about Barry?
Hand her a shovel.....
What has a thousand teeth and eats wieners............................................................................................. .....................a zipper!
you will start losing that freedom after he pushes through the fairness doctrine just like hugo chavez controll speach good maxist watch out ...tedQuote:
Originally Posted by Yellow72
Lets hope not, that's the first step down the slippery slope..Quote:
Originally Posted by ted dehaan
These jokes aren't very funny.
so there was two old hot rodders sitting in the park feeding the pigions and don says ya know I had a dreame last night my mother gave me 20 dollars and droped me off at disney land and I had a ball rode all the rides ate and drank all day and had a blast and came home with money left over boy thoes were realy the good old days so uncle bob do you ever have dreams like that uncle thought for a moment ya don last week I drement I had this realy cool bachlor pad and I was mixing myself a martini and there was a nock at the door so I opened the door and there was marlyn monroe standing there wearing nothing but a mink coat and high heel shoes don says wow what did you do uncle bob says I invited her in hung up her coat and mixed her a martini don says wow what happened then bob says there was another nock at the door I opened the door there was jane mansfield wearing nothing but a mink coat and high heel shoes don says what did you do I invited her in hung up her coat and mixed her a martini don says why you s.o.b. you had two them there and you dident call me uncle bob says I did but your mom said you were at disney land
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn’t glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'Lisp'?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'that hurt, you stupid idiot?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
So the Lady in the check out line looked familiar.
I asked her - Do I know you?
She said: - Yes, I have one of your children.
Oh, Sh!t, Are you that stripper that I bent over the pool table at my bachelor party and violated 50 different ways while the other stripper spanked my butt? I'm so sorry....
No, I'm your son's English Teacher.
An elderly couple was attending Mass.
About halfway through, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?
He replies, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'
Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car,
I will fiddle with a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.I will win.
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Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the
hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other,
'I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all
these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start.
'We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
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Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone
to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in
bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
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Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase
basic groceries at the store, like milk or bread.
I cannot be expected to find exotic items like 'cumin' or 'tofu.'
For all I know, these are the same thing.
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Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working,
I will insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me
twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
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Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in
my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it, though one time
I was able to survive by holding a calculator instead
(applies to engineers only)
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Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex, sports or sex.
I have to make up somethingelse when you ask, so just don't ask.
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Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked
the movie. Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't
... and if you are feeling amorous afterwards then I will certainly
at least remember the name and recommend it to others.
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Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine.
I thought what you were wearing five minutes ago was
fine, too. Either pair of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine.
It does not make your ass look too big.
It was the pasta and potatoes and margaritas that did that.
Your hair is fine.You look fine.
Can we just go now?
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Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2008, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest.
Like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.
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This has been a public service message for
women to better understand men.
Morris returns from the doctor and tells his wife that
the doctor has told him that he has only 24 hours to live.
Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife for sex.
Naturally, she agrees, so they make love.
About 6 hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says,
"Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live.
Could we please do it one more time?"
Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch
and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left.
He touches his wife's shoulder and asks,
"Honey, please... just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time.
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and
turns, until he's down to 4 more hours.
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours.
Do you think we could..."
At this point the wife sits up and says,
"Listen Morris, I have to get up in the morning... you don't."
A man was walking along when he noticed that there was a lady sitting at a bench in a park reading her Bible. He then walked up to her and said, " You don't really believe in that Bible do you , Like all the stories that couldn't possibly be true like that guy Noah and the flood ." The lady then replies " I believe everything in the Bible but just for you I'll ask Noah about the flood when I go to heaven."
The man replied," What if Noah didn't go to heaven?"
The lady looked up from her Bible and kindly said " Well I guess if Noah didn't got to heaven, then you can ask him."