Thread: random stuff

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i have the greatest respect for the texas program .. hope it`s a good game
meanwhile let me share my lunch with you

this is an unsolicited testimonial for gaterbite plumbing repair kits .. these things do miracles .. no soldering,, gluing ,, threading,, no anything but cutting the old pipe and snapping them in place .. works on anything round as long as the size is correct ..i have fixed numerous broken pipes under my mobile home with these things ..i dont have a clue how or why they work .. just that they do ..probably along the same principal as most automotive couplings today .. they remain loose and somewhat flexible but dont leak a drop ..

how many of you mugs have your mugs on your mug

does it run yet? what's in it?

why men should write advice columns

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Dear John,

I hope you can help me. The other day I set off for work, leaving my husband in the house watching TV. My car stalled and then broke down about a mile down the road, and I had to walk back to get my husband's help. When I got home, I couldn't believe my eyes. He was in our bedroom with the neighbor's daughter!

I am 32, my husband is 34, and the neighbor's daughter is 19. We have been married for 10 years. When I confronted him he broke down and admitted they had been having an affair for the past six months. He won't go to counseling, and I'm afraid I am a wreck and need advice urgently. Can you please help?

Sincerely,

Sheila

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Dear Sheila,

A car stalling after being driven a short distance can be caused by a variety of faults with the engine. Start by checking that there is no debri in the fuel line. If it is clear, check the vacuum pipes and hoses on the intake manifold and also check all grounding wires. If none of these approaches solves the problem, it could be that the fuel pump is faulty causing low delivery pressure to the injectors.

I hope this helps,

John

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12 hundred horses
11 inch wide slicks
10 thousand revs
9 inch rear end
8 point cage
7 second passes
6 speed trasnmission
5 feet tall wheelies
4 weld wheels
3 spare big blocks
2 superchargers
and a box full of honda pink slips
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i`m not just stupid... i`m gross stupid .. thats like 144 times more than normal stupid

they call me ?

my new on line friends call me hoss.my regular friends call me bob. my mother called me son. my dad called me mistake. mistake !! get out there in the yard and dig up that stump boy.my boss calls me chief (calls everybody chief . not good with names) my son doesnt call me anything. hase`nt spoken to me in three years. my ex wife calls me #$%@ sweet lady she is .

stand up stupid or drown

i have never been one who cares much for the weekend at the lake scene. but in my youth i did ocasionally go to tims ford lake . i was up there one weekend when a supercharged speed boat was trying out his stuff. very impressive to see a boat go over a hundred mph in a few seconds on water. i decided to swim across about a 100 yard area to the other side .young and full of vinegar as i was i thought it would be no problem. about 3/4 of the way across i gave out and yelled for help . finally a boat came to me and i grabbed on for dear life. i was about to drown any second cause i was give out.the people in the boat said stand up. what ! i thought. stand up they said. i had been swimming and struggling to keep my head above water in three feet of water for about 50 feet. i could have drowned . i dont get near water any more

TV alert !!!! three stooges marathon all day today on AMC .. the movie channel

if we only could have known .. once in the early part of the 1900`s a young man who was born in royston georgia came to huntsville alabama to try and earn a living playing semi pro baseball .. there were so many baseball teams in existance then that the owner of the local mill village team offered the fellow a position as an unpaid player .. the young man had a glove but not any money to buy his own uniform.. the young man had asked for 65 $ a month salary also .. the team owner burst out laughing and told the young man to get a real job .. he`d never make it as a ball player .. the young man left huntsville and headed north and wound up in detroit where he ended up playing for the local team .. that team later became one of the best teams in the country and Ty Cobb ( the young man ) was a large part of the reason ... along this same line .. Ty Cobb rarely gave interviews but did on one ocassion give one to a young reporter .. the reporter noted cobbs lifetime batting average of 389 and noted that that average was accumilated againt mostly straight fast ball pitchers then asked the near 80 year old man what he thought he would average hitting against todays pitching with knuckleballs , sliders , and big breaking curves .. mr cobb thought a second and said he was pretty confident he could still hit better than 300 .. the reporter thought mr cobb was being too hard on himself ..mr cobb replied saying " well young man .. you got to remember i`m nearly 80 years old now ..

figure this out

a local farmer passed away recently and left 17 mules to his three sons. his will said the oldest son would get half. the second oldest son gets 1/3 and the youngest son gets 1/9 th. . you obviously cant divide 17 mules in half so they began to fight. one of their unkles saw them fighting and rode a mule up and put it with the other 17 making 18 total. then he said oldest son take your 9 ( half ) and leave . next son take your 6 ( 1/3 ) and leave..youngest son take your 2 ( 1/9 th ) and go. 9 + 6+ 2 = 17 . unkle got on his mule and rode home

give me a break officer

went to the grocery store sat evening to get a few things when i came out there was a deputy writing a parking ticket.. i said come on man give a guy a break. he paid me no mind and i said you wrong for that ..he said looks like that right rear tire is a little thin im going to have to write that up also. i said what is it man you need new school shoes for your kids or something. he said that tail lite is cracked . going to have to rite it up also. i then said well someone is going to be very upset with you when they come out . as i quickly found my car and left .. just a little humor there

1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

10. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, you stay here; I'll go on a head.

13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me..

14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, 'Keep off the Grass.'

15. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

16. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

17. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

18. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

19. A backward poet writes inverse.

Hoss, I'm lmao!..........CR

Yup,,they ARE good..Some real clever ones..