This is so stupid it's funny!!
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.
They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden.......
"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell?
Ees bacon I ahm sure of eet."
"Si, Luis eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle up the next sand dune, and there,
in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon.
There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture there's fried bacon, back bacon,
double smoked bacon... every imaginable kind of cured pig meat.
"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved!
Eet EES a bacon tree!"
"Luis, are you sure ees not a meerage?;
We ees in the Desert don't forget."
"Pepe when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".
And with that ...Luis races toward the tree.
He gets to within 5 meters, with Pepe following closely behind, when all of
a sudden a machine gun opens up and Luis is cut down in his tracks.
It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages
to warn Pepe with his dying breath.
"Pepe...go back man,you was right...ees not a bacon tree."
"Luis Luis, mi amigo...what ees it?
"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree...
Ees..........
Ees...
Ees.........
Ees....
... Eees a Ham Bush!
Gentle Thoughts From a Cynic.
Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
A penny saved is a government oversight .
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are " XL."
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.