Thread: Out of one hell hole into another Iraq to Divorce

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That is a horrible situation Steve, but unfortunately, one that is becoming all too common anymore. The days when Mom was like apple pie and the glue that held the family together are pretty much gone. I am not putting it all on the Wives, because men cheat also, but a lot of guys are finding themselves in a situation where they thought they were doing all the right stuff, and yet come to find out their Spouse is playing around on them. I know that scenario from personal experience. Not sure what happened to loyalty in this world, but the 60 percent divorce rate are a testament to something being very wrong any more.

As for your Brother not reacting as you think he should, that is a tough nut. Everyone around him can see what is happening and what is going to happen, but he is somewhat in denial. Maybe he is sort of a pushover or maybe he feels he just wants to salvage this thing. Love is a funny, weird emotion. However, you are probably right on her motives and goals, and it must be very frustrating for you.........you probably want to shake him REAL HARD. When I was going through it, my best friend told me "If you ever consider going back to her I will personally beat the hell out of you!" I knew he was saying that because he truly cared about me and what was going on.

But sometimes we have to let people make their own beds, as much as we want to keep them from being hurt. I used to work with a girl who was in a physically abusive relationship, and we all liked her. Our Manager and I sat her down one day when she came into work with some bruises she got "when she tripped and fell" . We told her, "you don't have to live like this" and her reaction was "well, I do things to make him mad!! We both looked at each other like she was from another planet.

All you can do Steve is be there and support him and try to offer advice. It's a slippery slope though because sometimes they blame you for trying to interfere in their relationship. We know you love your Brother, it is obvious, but at least he made it home alive from Iraq, so that is the really important thing here. Houses and cars he might lose in a divorce will come and go, lot's of us have been down that road. I wish him well.

Don

you must somehow, someway stress how important it is to get a good lawyer soon. she sounds like the type that would use his wonderful daughter to get anything she wants. regardless of what it does to the child. I know that he said that he does not want a war but a war he has got. he must protect the child from her. she really makes me ashamed to be a woman. some women are mothers and some are just breeders. With no more heart than a common alley cat. What she is doing to him makes me furious.

Originally Posted by jyardgirl

you must somehow, someway stress how important it is to get a good lawyer soon. she sounds like the type that would use his wonderful daughter to get anything she wants. regardless of what it does to the child. I know that he said that he does not want a war but a war he has got. he must protect the child from her. she really makes me ashamed to be a woman. some women are mothers and some are just breeders. With no more heart than a common alley cat. What she is doing to him makes me furious.

You're right Barb... Getting a good lawyer is much better advice then some of the things I had come to mind.......

it was the only thing from alot things racing through my mind that was legal.

congrats on your brothers award. from the letters to home that you share it is well deserved. i have a similar situation that you have. calling my dad a alley cat is a insult to the cat. he is still around kicking but my mom passed a few years ago. but all in all it really does make you stronger and determined to do the opposite with my kids. thank god i have a wonderfull husband and father to my kids. He lets me do any project that i can dream up to with with them.

Almost anyone who has been through a divorce can tell you it ranks right up there on the stress-scale with death of a loved one and loss of a job.........maybe moreso, because it seems so senseless sometimes. It can turn you into a different person than you ever thought you could be, and make you have thoughts you never would have expected. We all think of ourselves as being rational, sensible human beings, but divorce can screw your mind up bigtime.

Your Brother is facing this on a lot of levels right now. He is returning from an environment where he had to try to just stay alive every day, and then he came home to what he expected to be the exact opposite of that, only to find out that part of his life is upside down too. You can only be there when he wants to talk and be a patient listener, offering what good suggestions you feel are appropriate. That is all that good Brothers like you can do in these situations.

Don

Good advice Don. I'm just venting, and I appreciate all of you guys and your support. George Carlin is strong on my mind today too. I guess he cuts into stuff like this and sees it for what it really is!

FWIW
I just found out my brother was awarded Bronze Star Medal for service in Iraq. Life has a funny way of rewarding and punishing us!
Jyardgirl
You are a great mom. I love that you and your son do mom/son projects with cars! I also had a great mom, and a shitty dad, who was never there, as he has been the male version of the alley cat, spreading his seed where ever he could. Mom died early of cancr, proving only the good die young, while my dad just got his 6th divorce from yet another good human being, who unfortunately hooked up with the likes of him. Life is very interesting, but we persevere and move on, hopefully stronger for our past experiences. Thank you. Steve.
Dave I also am like you thinking of ways to get even, but have to restrain myself from stirring up the pot. Though thinking about nasty little get even schemes does put a smile on my face!