Thread: the Official CHR joke page duel

Tweet

I may take a Sutherner or a Suthern Baptist to appreciate this !
I have seen, heard and known many of these ?ladies? in my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xv7REV2HEY
Enjoy,
meller

Originally Posted by MelloYello

I may take a Sutherner or a Suthern Baptist to appreciate this !
I have seen, heard and known many of these ?ladies? in my life.
Enjoy,
meller

Took me back to my youth, Meller! Grew up Suthern Baptist, but managed to survive

Can I get a amen?................ Pretty funny video!

Amen. Don't think I would get away with that in my church, but it was funny.

Originally Posted by rspears

Took me back to my youth, Meller! Grew up Suthern Baptist, but managed to survive

Believe me, Roger, I can relate - - - we lovingly referred to them as "self-righteous biddies"

The Dept of Defense briefed the President this morning:
They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Afghanistan. .

To everyone's surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his
hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?'

The clever English language

1. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

2. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate.

3. A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months.

4. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

5. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

6. The batteries were given out free of charge.

7. A dentist and a manicurist got married. They fought tooth and nail.

8. A will is a dead give-away.

9. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

10. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I will show you A-Flat miner.

11. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

12. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

13.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

14. Police were called to the day center when a three year old was resisting a rest.

15. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

16. If you take your laptop for a run, you could jog your memory.

17. A bicycle can't stand alone. It's two tired.

18.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

19. The guy who fell on the upholstery machine was fully recovered.

20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

21. When she saw her first strands of gray, she thought she would dye.

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"
The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."

Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down.

"How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day.

How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The boss says, "$101,237.64? What in the world did you sell?"

Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing."

Irish are the Best!

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when Paddy Murphy loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five continue playing standing up.

Michael O'Connor looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got's to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'

They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.

'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me.'

Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.

Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost $500, and is afraid to come home.'

'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife..

'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher.

***************


Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.

'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.

'Michael O'Connor and me had a fight,' says Paddy.

'That little O'Connor,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'

'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'

'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'

That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'

******************

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.

He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'

She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'

The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'

She says, 'That he did, Father.'

The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'

She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun....'


AND THE BEST FOR LAST . . ..

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention, but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, 'Ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either.